Well, almost 2 years ago this weekend before Thanksgiving was our last.
Never had thought this could happen. Even though I was sick that weekend it was a great weekend. Lou had made me homemade soup and took care of me. I had taken a nap and to wake up Lou staring at me. He always said he loved to watch me sleep. I know he still watches me. Oh how I miss My Lou/Soulmate.
It's been a pretty hard weekend it sucks. I found a dime under my bed I know Lou is with me every second. I can't every imagine not talking or telling him I love you everyday.
This grief has taken me to my lowest. It physically and mentally drains me. I always had considered myself pretty strong until this. I guess I am still strong because I get back up, and fall again. It's an ongoing process grief and this new journey. I know I have Lou on my side saying I can do this. I tell him I can't but then I stand again.
I will be grieving and healing for the rest of my life. I have the man that I love on my side and my family here at Webhealing.
I can't believe it will be 2 years Thanksgiving day. I will be going to the cemetery. I will try to sit at the dinner table it's a chore for me. This will be my 3rd Thanksgiving without Lou. I know he will be with me in spirit but truly it's not the same as we all know.
After the 22nd I will be going in my 3rd year. I just can't believe this. After I get through the holidays and my operation I want change. They say don't do it in the 1st year. Well, now the 3rd I want and need change. I don't know what that will be but I will figure it out as I go.
I need to hold on to hope, faith everyday.
I know grieve will sneak up on me at any given time especially with the holidays here. I will be grieving / healing everyday. I am hoping for better days , weeks , years to come. I just take it at sec, min, hours at a time still.
I wrote this to Lou last month in my journal.
Lou how do I live again
Can you help me
You always did
Show me my way back
Back to life
I will always love/miss you
I will see you again
I then will be truly happy
Until then show me how to live
Always,
Lisa