Author Topic: Violetlight  (Read 1863 times)

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Violetlight
« on: November 18, 2012, 01:24:02 PM »

Hi....I've been thinking about you, especially with the holidays upon us and being so difficult. They still are for me.

Please update us on how you are doing, if you feel up to it. I know that your Mom's dates are coming up after the new year and please know we are here for you.

The last time you posted, your Dad was dating someone else? How are things going for you and Dad?

((((((((((Violetlight))))))))))

Love,
Terry

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Violetlight
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2012, 01:34:10 PM »

Your account has been updated!

violetlight

  • nospam
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: Violetlight
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2012, 01:53:56 PM »
Thank you for the help! It was going to be difficult to tell everyone how I was doing if I couldn't respond or post a new thread.

I am actually doing better. Like I said in the PM, I have moved to a new job and am currently renting a house and working as a court reporter in a court house. It's a very cushion job. I have been blessed! It's in a small county, so I'm not working all-day every day. I also get all state and local holidays off too!

I'm coming up on Thanksgiving, and the article posted here is very informative but it's my father I'm worried about. He got remarried to a woman he hardly knew and when we subtly but lovingly tried to give our warnings on it, he would grow very defensive. Everyone told me to keep my mouth shut, and so I did. Now he's seeing the error of his ways. She's absolutely insane and controlling. She doesn't control finances, but she looks for something to hang him on. He's starting to vent to me again about his life and I feel it shouldn't be that way. I don't like talking to him on the phone only for him to sound miserable and our conversations are so awkward. I feel it's ruining our relationship. I'm not about to drop my job and move back home with him to make him feel better.

What can I do?

I can't visit him every weekend either, because it's an hour and a half from where I live. I did visit every weekend at first, but I never felt rested after returning home, not to mention the cost in fuel.

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Violetlight
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2012, 02:05:36 PM »

You are welcome! My pleasure!

A cushy job is always a nice welcome and I'm happy for you that you feel comfortable where you are and also that you have good benefits! Great news!

Regarding your Dad...? If he is very unhappy, maybe suggesting that he can just as easily get-out of the situation, as he got into it. It sounds as if he is asking for help. I know you want your Dad to be happy. I can understand that. But, there is only so much we can do. You can 'be-there' for him as he needs you.

Quote
author=violetlight link=topic=8533.msg59115#msg59115 date=1353272036]

What can I do?

I can't visit him every weekend either, because it's an hour and a half from where I live. I did visit every weekend at first, but I never felt rested after returning home, not to mention the cost in fuel.


You know your Dad better than we do here. I would just follow my heart. Sometimes, things have a way of working out, even when we're not a part of that happening. Just being there for him, if he needs to talk to someone? I don't know. Sure wish I could help. But, that's what I would do.

Are you spending Thanksgiving together or will that be too awkward?

Love,
Terry

violetlight

  • nospam
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: Violetlight
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2012, 02:16:29 PM »
I plan on doing that after I spend time with my mother's side of the family. I have a grandma as well as aunts, uncles, and lots of cousins who are still alive.

Usually I've just been sitting there and listening to him when he vents. It's really all I know how to do but it often sours my mood and makes me fear the next call from him. The reason I'm venting about it now is because I'm afraid it's heeding my progress to move on. Everything else is going fine except the situation with my dad. I'm also hoping it's the fact that he's suffering from what they call "Empty Nest Syndrome" which will only go away in due time.

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Violetlight
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2012, 02:48:20 PM »

Enjoy your time with your family on Thanksgiving. And, regarding your Dad, take care of yourself is the only advice I can offer and it seems you are trying to do that. Good for you!

Empty nest is tough to go through. It's another from of grief, to be sure. It's something that will take time for your Dad to adjust to.

We love our family so much but sometimes, as much as we would like....we can't always make everything better for them.

Continue looking out for yourself. It sounds like a good plan. And, do update us on your Dad and how your holidays are going. I always think of you!

Love,
Terry