I am completely ready, and in need, for some ease from grief. I know that it won't disappear over night but come-on! Just a little bit easier would be helpful. I thought time was suppose to heal, I thought the antidepressants would help, I thought talking about it to a therapist would help, but I'm having my lowest of lows as if Liz pasted away yesterday. Today I couldn't even go to work because of how bad my grief is getting. I cry for a little while, wash my face and feel better for maybe 5 seconds and then it hits me again that She's Gone. I feel so alone and such negativity about myself now-a-days. I wish I could heard her voice telling me "I Love You so Much" again just to help ease my heart.
Just a Rant
Chris, it was just 3 months on the 10th since Liz died and in 'grief time', I call them minutes. There were many days when I felt that the pain was going to swallow me up and I was just going to disappear. This is a very long journey for those who truly are working toward healing.
At just 3 months, Chris I don't even think I was coming out of shock yet, though I was always grateful for it, for as long as it lasted. But, when that shock begins to wear off, the reality sets in that they are really gone and that awful pain sets in. It's a different pain than earlier in our grief.
With many of my losses, not until about a year did it begin to actually register that they were gone and they were not coming back. That reality may be already setting in for you and it's awful pain. Please know that I understand. We all do.
Time does help with the pain in the sense that it becomes different. Manageable. A lot changes over time.
Meds need to be monitored, of course and the blood work will show if you are getting too much or too little of your prescribed medication. Neither is healthy and can make you feel worse. Then again, you may not need them at all.
Baby steps. One day at a time. That's all any of us can do. We all felt the same way you are feeling now, when this early in our grief. Take care of 'you' by drinking a lot of water, eating well and resting.
Tell us more about Liz when you are able.
Sending hugs & understanding,
Love,
Terry