Author Topic: They are HERE!!! (long read)  (Read 4449 times)

Terry

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They are HERE!!! (long read)
« on: October 30, 2012, 11:35:47 AM »
Already feeling the holidays. Sure didn't think it was going to be this early, though. As you all know, this is the first time I've lived alone (since Dad died last December) although I've shared that I am enjoying the free time, time to do things I truly love to do but never had the time before. But, oh....what a price to pay for this free time. What I wouldn't do to give it all up and have a house full again.

Coming from a large Italian family, Thanksgiving was a two week event and Christmas a three week. Everyone stayed until around January 5th. Sort of like a family reunion for those of us living apart and all around the world, so it was always very well planned. This year I was invited to spend the holidays with my family in Italy but I am not going to. I feel that I need to stay and face my losses, head on. I am at a turning point in my grief; the ongoing grief from losing my children and the more recent, painful grief of my husband and father.

I will continue work on my home. I'm still trying to get it ready for sale and it's a good time as the housing market is coming back to life. They are selling around here in record numbers for the first time in years. Banks are now offering low interest loans and those who couldn't afford to buy a home just a year ago, are now able to. We're coming back!

My latest project is an area of my home I've avoided for many years. Boxes and boxes of pictures and endless memories that have collected dust and that bring a tear with every passing glance. It's time. Going to buy a case of Wheaties, though first!  :icon_mrgreen:

There are so many crossroads in our lives, even when I think most have come to pass. Change is the only constant. I can count on it to come and I can count on it to have a life-changing effect. Just last year, I had the energy of a kid and now, just a year later I'm feeling my age. I am trying to reverse that monster, too!  :thumbsup:

Work, work, work. So much work needs to be done and time has to be carefully managed. When I have mismanaged my time, I have gotten into serious trouble so I have to be ever so vigilant to not go down that same path again.

Just a bit of a rant and sharing my plans for the holidays, which are still unknown to me but I am sure of one thing - I will take one day at a time and plan my days. Feel what I need to feel. Allow myself the time and space I need and to also make the best choices for my well being as these holidays approach.

I've gotten tougher with others who try to invade my space - with the little family I have left here. Others can never understand where we are at any given time after losing so many we love and I've stopped trying to expect them to. I have always asked that they just respect my space, with understanding or without. In the past, I have allowed others to invade that space and I have only myself to blame for that. It was only when reaching/feeling that thresh hold that began to boil over, was when I said, "No More!" Now is my time. My space. My life. And, if you are not a good fit, you are not allowed in.

So, onward and upward (Mary Poppins without the umbrella or I may need one, it could rain on my parade :toothy2:) as I move into another space and time where I am feeling uneasy, a little scared and anxious but good about the changes that need to be made.

So many conflicting feelings: uneasy, scared, anxious....but the 'good,' along with the 'change' paves the way for a soft and a safe place to fall. Just want to survive this holiday season with no visible scars and to come out on the other side feeling that a positive change has been made. For I count on change and always for a positive outcome, knowing that I will have to work hard because peace comes with a price. Ching, ching....I have my 'rainy day' reserve!

I'm sure everyone didn't need to hear all of these details, but it sure felt good writing them down!  :laughing7:

Thanks for reading.

Love,
Terry


Gail08

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2012, 04:11:27 PM »
Terry,
Never feel bad about what you write.  You just let it out whenever and as often as you need to.  We are all here to listen.  I am so sorry that you are feeling so down.  I do understand about the holidays.  I also understand about avoiding those boxes as I have one box of Jolene's that I have not been able to bring myself to go through yet.  I thought I would be able to go through it by now but I just can't do it yet.  You just take your time and don't push yourself.

Please know that my thoughts, prayers, and support are with you during this very difficult time.  I only hope that my support will help you as much as yours has helped me.  You are very special and I hate that you are hurting so much.  You take care of yourself.

((((((((((((((((((((TERRY))))))))))))))))))))

Love, Gail

G                                  Sisters 2 the end
  A                                Friends 2 the end
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 J O L E N E              In my heart 4 ever

browneyedgirl

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2012, 04:28:33 PM »
((((Terry)))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2012, 04:53:03 PM »

Thanks, Gail and I know you understand.

I appreciate your support. Your heart is always open and you are always so caring.

Holding you close and know that you, too are always in my thoughts, as is Jolene.

Love,
Terry

Terry

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2012, 04:53:48 PM »

Thanks for the hugs, Pammy! They are always welcomed and feel so good!

Love,
Terry

jbryant

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2012, 07:58:20 PM »
((((((((((((((((Terry))))))))))))))))))) :love9:

SistersinCanada

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #6 on: November 03, 2012, 01:17:54 PM »
Hi Terry
I too hope you make it through ok.  I feel you're so brave!  I'm not sure how I would have dealt with going
through my sister's things but I didn't have too.  Her kids did it.  When they had her house ready to sell just this past
May I went to see it one more time to say goodbye and her old red jacket was the only thing left hanging in her
closet.  They probably didn't think it was of any use to anyone but didn't want to toss it either.  So I have it here at
my house hanging in my closet.  I'm not sure if I'll ever wear it either but it comforts me to know it's here with me.
I don't think I ever saw her wear it and if I did it wasn't often but it's the little things that make us feel better.
I have an old notebook of my dads in my purse with his notes to himself on it.  It's his handwriting that makes me
feel closer to him.  Same with my mom.  I have an old bank deposit book where she wrote down her cheques she
had written.  Her handwriting started out strong but then was so feeble like her.  But I cherish these things.
I hope  you find similar things to comfort your on your journey.
Love Sisters (Terry Anne Teresa - my mom's nickname for me)
« Last Edit: November 03, 2012, 01:19:51 PM by SistersinCanada »

Terry

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #7 on: November 03, 2012, 08:52:08 PM »
((((((((((((((((Terry))))))))))))))))))) :love9:

Thank You, so much!

Terry

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Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2012, 08:53:03 PM »
Hi Terry
I too hope you make it through ok.  I feel you're so brave!  I'm not sure how I would have dealt with going
through my sister's things but I didn't have too.  Her kids did it.  When they had her house ready to sell just this past
May I went to see it one more time to say goodbye and her old red jacket was the only thing left hanging in her
closet.  They probably didn't think it was of any use to anyone but didn't want to toss it either.  So I have it here at
my house hanging in my closet.  I'm not sure if I'll ever wear it either but it comforts me to know it's here with me.
I don't think I ever saw her wear it and if I did it wasn't often but it's the little things that make us feel better.
I have an old notebook of my dads in my purse with his notes to himself on it.  It's his handwriting that makes me
feel closer to him.  Same with my mom.  I have an old bank deposit book where she wrote down her cheques she
had written.  Her handwriting started out strong but then was so feeble like her.  But I cherish these things.
I hope  you find similar things to comfort your on your journey.
Love Sisters (Terry Anne Teresa - my mom's nickname for me)


Thank You, Terry!