Author Topic: 2months out  (Read 4524 times)

jbryant

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2months out
« on: October 05, 2012, 10:14:43 PM »
Inot a newbie anymore I guess but to me I always will be but the past 2 months have been a pure hell trying to pretend to others im ok and im not I hurt so bad and theirs nothing no one can do to stop the pain and it justs keeps getting harder and harder it seems I wonder now I could have left him on the respratior at least I couls be with him but im being stupid .
I felt his soul part from mine that day it was at 530 pm if flet like my heart and soul just being ripped out it's a feeling I will never forget and it will neverr be the same again its just so hard to explain in words but I know you who are reading this knows the feeling .
It's like his aunt said to me in an email the only one who can help you now is God .I guess it will be this way for a while on the 3 of every month I'll just reflect on those last 2 days over over  and over again till it will stop oneday Seals & Crofts said it nicely in thier tune we may never pass this way again  thanks for letting me vent

Jean D

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2012, 11:11:29 PM »
John, I think one of the many things I learned, specially early on, is that it is ok to not be ok. I was trying so hard to hide how I felt in front of the very people who could possible be of help to me. No one but me expected me to be OK.

Take baby steps and do good things for yourself. It doesn't stop the pain, doesn't keep it from getting harder and doesn't stop us from playing the what if game. What it does do is start to move us on our way to something that might become our new normal.

(((((((((((((John))))))))))))
Hugs
Jean

MyLou

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2012, 04:34:22 AM »
((((((((((( JOHN )))))))))))))

Jean is right it's OK not to be OK.  In the beginning I would have to walk away if I cried. Once I left work the tears would flow down my face.  I would come home and go to bed. 

I think we all play the what if game.  I try to not let myself get there anymore.  Lou doesn't want me to remember him like that.  I think Doyle the same.  It's easier said then done.

My soul/heart is in a million pieces and 1/2 left with Lou.  They say it will mend one day. 

We are on this new life/journey.  It's sure not an easy one to figure out.  The first year I didn't even try now I am. 

This is so RAW to you.  Take one sec, min, hour, day or baby steps at a time.


Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

sonya

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2012, 09:00:26 AM »
(((((((((((((John))))))))))))))))

Grief is so exausting. It is ok not to be ok. It takes as long as it takes. And 2 months is still so early and so raw.
I replayed my last conversation constantly at first. I make a conscious choice not to do it anymore, to catch the thought and say stop to myself. It does me no favours to replay it. And slowly I am getting there. I know that you will too.
Like Lisa said, baby steps. Take good care of yourself, drink lots of water and cry when you cry. Its ok.
Wish I could give you a big bear hug

Son x
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

johnkmurray

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2012, 06:10:20 PM »
((((John))))

This grief thing we all suffer is an inexorable beast. It wears at you constantly, like a river eroding rocks, but it can also hit you like a jackhammer. The trick is to roll with it, to accept that it is ok to feel this way, and remember that it comes and goes in cycles. Life will never return to what we thought of as normal, but it will return to a new normal.

John

jbryant

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2012, 07:15:33 PM »
I cry when I read all yalls truths cause I know it is the truth and it makes me feel warm inside. your all right my life will never be the same as I knew it and I hope I can one day soon see the light of the new day but being alone is what scary we live in our own little world that dont exist anymore again thank all of yall for your inputs they are my help to finding the new world that I have to relearn or what ever life throws at me this time only time will tell and I hope to learn more from yall as I walk this path again many thanks

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: 2months out
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2012, 11:19:07 PM »

It takes so much time to heal that raw pain from such a great loss. Baby steps.....and know we understand. After loving so deeply and unconditionally, could we expect anything less?

We care and are always here for you.

(((((((((John)))))))))

Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2012, 09:17:38 AM »
(((John))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

jbryant

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2012, 07:53:28 PM »
just found out ive got Pneumonia so I guess havent been taking care of meself but shit happens huh and thats what cause Doyle's death what a whril but Im good

browneyedgirl

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2012, 08:57:58 AM »
Please take care of yourself, John!  Let us know how you're doing.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

jbryant

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2012, 06:08:29 PM »
thank you for careing  :icon_flower:

Jean D

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2012, 07:54:06 AM »
John,

Take care of yourself, get plenty of rest  :sleepy2: and do what your doctor says to do!

Hugs
Jean

jasonkl

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2012, 10:08:40 AM »
John
At two months I was still thinking it was a nightmare I could not wake up from. I did not believe it was real and waited every day for my phone to go off or her to walk through the door. Please don't not hide your feelings, I did that and it did not help at all. If anything it e to hard on your self when you go backwards it is part of made things worse. As everyone has already said it is baby steps. We start at one second at a time and work our way up from there. And don't be to hard on your self if you go backwards. It happens. There were days I would jump out of bed and say to myself if I do everything I am suppose to do it will be ok she will come back and then there were the days I could not tie my shoes because I forgot how. This is hardest thing I have ever been through. The world I knew is gone and it and I will never be the same again. I took a long time for me to realize that i did not just lose my wife, my best friend, I lost my way of life. I do not just grieve for her but for me too.

Jason

jbryant

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Re: 2months out
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2012, 08:11:09 PM »
I think at times he went to his brothers or his aunts back east and he's gonna call me but  everyday it hurts more and more and Im just losing it feels like im stuck in time I leave and just drive and drive come back to a big empty house (living with sister and not happy their either ) I clean it but just lost not sure how to start over alone and not sure I want to again thanks for listening