Author Topic: telling new people  (Read 10050 times)

sonya

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telling new people
« on: October 05, 2012, 09:49:54 PM »
As you know I moved to Dubai 6 weeks ago.
HAve met lots of great friends at work...
And now comes the awful point of telling these people about Tony.
I miss him so much and he is a massive part of me. Its hard to know what to say.
Its even harder to have new people in my life who dont know him and never will. that he will never meet them makes me so very sad.
:(
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

jbryant

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2012, 10:20:17 PM »
Just be honest and yourself and you can do no wrong your stronger than you know  :love4: thank you for your story that was good   :love9:
« Last Edit: October 29, 2012, 06:22:40 PM by jbryant »

MyLou

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2012, 04:18:44 AM »
((((((((( Sonya ))))))))))

I am glad you meet great friends.

Of course Tone was a massive part of you. Share as much as you want about Tone.  Let his memory stay alive. 

I know your friends won't meet Tone physically but I believe Tone has met them already. 

You need to be proud of yourself. Tone is proud of you too never forget that.


Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

johnkmurray

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2012, 06:18:05 PM »
((((Sonya))))

Most people you share the info with will look uncomfortable and express sympathies. THey won't know what else to say. Some, a precious few will understand. FOrgive the former. Treasure the latter.

John

Terry

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2012, 11:31:15 PM »

I imagine you'll feel more comfortable sharing Tony as you get to know others a little better. They will appreciate your trusting them with Tone. As John shared, a precious few will understand and others won't know what to say. That about sums it up, I agree.
We all understand here and will help all we can....your online family!  :3some:

(((((((((Son)))))))))

Love,
Terry

Doug1222

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2012, 09:25:14 AM »
I've always found that the hardest, Sonya. Even old people who just didn't know about it are hard for me. I'm thinking of you.

(((((((Sonya))))))))

arthur

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2012, 09:55:16 PM »
Yes thats hard Sonya...just get the fact out and let the chips fall where they may I guess is all you can do.
Some people can't handle it and some can...I remember getting xmas cards from some of Maureen's friends from last year who
didn't know she had passed away..I informed them of her passing..and I have never heard from alot of them again. Some of them I did hear from again. Hang in there Sonya(((Sonya))) arthur

Chris89

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2012, 07:26:39 AM »
Sonya
I know what your going through. I also had to tell my co-workers and boss about my loss a week after I got back at work, which was 4 weeks after my loss. I don't know if you already told them by the time you read this, but the best thing I can say is to make sure that your ready to tell them, there's no need to rush yourself. Some may ask you questions about it while others will think to just give you space since they'll have no idea of what to say. Be strong in whatever reactions you get and just hold on to your good memories of Tony.
I wish you, and everyone else on here, peace.

jasonkl

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2012, 02:09:44 PM »
((((((((Sonya)))))))

Telling new people is on of the hardest things to do. I can't say any better than what John already said. But I have found the more I share my loss the better I feel and the more I feel I am not leaving her behind but acknowledging that she is now and forever will be a part of me.

Jason

Terry

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2012, 05:38:08 PM »
((((((((Sonya)))))))

Telling new people is on of the hardest things to do. I can't say any better than what John already said. But I have found the more I share my loss the better I feel and the more I feel I am not leaving her behind but acknowledging that she is now and forever will be a part of me.

Jason

(((((((Jason)))))))

sonya

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2012, 07:14:52 AM »
Thanks so much for your thoughful comments.
I did end up mentioning it to a few people who I knew would not be able to keep it to themselves! A sneaky way to let people know.
It feels like I am not hiding it anymore, I never was but just couldnt find a way to say it.
Had a friend ask me how he died today. Told her we would talk about it some other time when we were not sat in a busy cafe! She seemed fine with that so all looks good
I find the 'How did he die?' really tough so may be a while.
Son xx
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

Terry

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2012, 11:45:02 AM »

Sonya....Lately, I have been asked that a lot and my reply is always the same, "Does it matter? Their gone." No one likes to be asked that question, "How did they die?" so you are not alone. It shouldn't be asked, as it's insensitive to assume someone wants to go into details while carrying such a heavy heart but that's the curious mind. Rather a simple, "I'm sorry" will always suffice.

Hugs & Love,
Terry


johnkmurray

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2012, 09:37:11 AM »
I find the 'How did he die?' really tough so may be a while.

I hate that question ... ok, so 'hate' isn't really the word I want. Maybe 'dread' is more in line with how I feel. Because I know how they will react to the answer, to the mere mention of that "C" word. I'll say "cancer" and they will look away, but not before I see the pitying look in their eyes, the look that combines their own fear of that horrid disease with their discomfort at bringing up the subject. Few of them can meet my eyes at this point. Ialso brings with it a fresh stab of pain, but I'm learning to live with that. All part of the price I pay for having loved and been loved by such beautiful soul.

She's gone.
It was a nightmare for her and those who loved her.
Our lives will never be the same.

I don't want your pity.

John

sonya

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2012, 10:12:15 AM »
Yeah you know, you two have got me thinking...what is the answer that they want?
They want to know. Have the information. The gossip. The insider knowledge. We are so used to The Full Story headlines that we internalize the desire for the unedited truth...
But when we / they receive it...
Then what?
The confusion of the truth that is sitting across the table. The truth that comes with bright bold painful emotions...
So which version of death would allow them to meet our eyes?
Not cancer then what? Murder, suicide, both unpalatable.
In his sleep? Is that any better? Alone? Surrounded by 1000 people? Which is the right way, the way to arrive at death and allow you to meet my eye?
That will allow me to meet yours?
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

johnkmurray

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Re: telling new people
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2012, 05:32:46 PM »
The only ones that can meet your eyes are those who have gone through this hell.