Author Topic: I'm a newbie  (Read 8438 times)

jbryant

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I'm a newbie
« on: September 12, 2012, 10:55:55 PM »
Hi my name is John and I lost the love of my life and soul on aug 5 @6:15pm his name was DOYLE and I miss him so much we had 35 wonderfull yrs  and we were hoping for many more till cancer set in it was so fast and ever since then the world is spinning so fast now I'm lost in a way and in another I'm not my sister moved me out of our apt.so fast when I came back from NC I was out now I'm staying with her and my brother in law I've been reading the bords and we are all here for the same reason and I'm hoping this will help me cause we weren't very outgoing people we stayed to ourselfs cause that's all we needed we have our family and a few close friends but mainly it was just us and we were very happy I took him back to NC to bury him with his mother that's what he wanted his family was very friendly and thankfull we were young when we met he was 17 I was 19 I'm 53 now and all alone for the first time in my life and I'm scared I had to go home in 1994 to be caregiver to my mother and then it became my father and now I'm in 2012 and was Doyle's till aug 5 theirs so much I need to know now and I'm taking one step and day at a time like yal,ll been saying I listen to old music we liked it helps I cry a lot it helps he had a large cell pancoast tumor in his led lung which also wrap around his heart valve then it spread to his spine went to the ER cause he couldn't breathe so I gave him more morphine for Air Hunger and that dint work so Igave him more it got us to the ER they said it was phenomionia 12hrs later Ilistenedto his last heart beat only after 3 mins off the ventilater so now I'm on this lonely journey down this dark road but I think with all the help I've seen and read here this is the right place to be at this time thank you for listing and reading my story and like everyone here theirs a lot more so now I will again cry myself to sleep thank you John  :LA:

I want to Thank everyone for the nice hello,s and welcomes I knew when I read the forms this was a nice safe place I hope my being an open gay man is no problem to anyone or afend anyone we were not a very open gay couple but we didn't hide it either my Doyle was in the construction industry a brick mason tendr and very good at it so his boss says lol he fell off a ladder in 2007 tore his knee into 105 pices they tried to put it back together but it didn't work so he got a new knee and that didn't work either so he lost his leg above the knee And it just sorta went down hill after that but in all of this hell we went thru he found a hidden talent he could draw like Picaso Monet and he fell in love with it all and he got dam good at it I hope I'm posting this right if not please help many thanks for listening
 
« Last Edit: September 14, 2012, 09:27:39 AM by browneyedgirl »

MyLou

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2012, 03:03:55 AM »
((((((((((((((( John ))))))))))))))))))


I'm so sorry for the loss of your Doyle. 

I'm glad you found us.  We all help each other.  We are family here.

This is a very hard journey as you know. You need to take of you. Take one sec, min, hour , day at a time.  Scream , yell , cry , we all do it.

It might not be for you but maybe start a journal. I have a few of them.  I don't write as much as I did before.  Maybe see if there is a grief group in your area.

We are always here for you.

Always,

Lisa 
 
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

browneyedgirl

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2012, 09:07:39 AM »
Dear John ~ I am so very sorry for the loss of your Doyle.  I am sorry that you have to be here with us, but welcome.  You have come to the right place.  There are many people who care and know the pain that you are going though, you will see as they come forward to greet you. 

My name is Pam and I lost my brother 3 and a half years ago. 

Post as often as you like, and about anything you wish.  We are all here for you.

Come back and let us know how you're doing and I you wish, tell us more about Doyle. 

Lots of love

(((John))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2012, 11:18:44 AM »

Hi John - I'm so sorry for your great loss and thanks for sharing your story with us. Welcome to our webhealing family.

Grief can be overwhelming, having to deal with the pain as you are doing now and also the memories we're flooded with on a daily basis....it can get very confusing.

Try to take very good care of yourself by resting if you can't sleep, drinking plenty of water and eating sensibly. Our bodies also break down when we're grieving and it's easy to become very sick in early grief.

Please tell us more about your precious Doyle as you're comfortable and know there is always someone here to listen, day or night.

Sending hugs, love & understanding,

((((((((((John))))))))))

Love,
Terry

Doug1222

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2012, 02:18:46 PM »
Hi, John. I'm very sorry for your loss and that you have to walk down this road.

Just know you're not alone on it. We're here whenever you want to share more.

Doug

Jean D

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2012, 08:01:50 PM »
John,

So sorry for the loss of your Doyle.  The people here are all loving and caring and always here for you. They have helped me through very difficult times and we all know the pain you are experiencing.  As many here have said, be sure to take care of yourself. 
{{{{{{{{John}}}}}}}}}

Jean

MyLou

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2012, 02:36:29 AM »
((((((((((((((( JOHN )))))))))))))))))

You are welcomed here with opened armes :icon_flower:

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Terry

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2012, 09:26:38 AM »

 I want to Thank everyone for the nice hello,s and welcomes I knew when I read the forms this was a nice safe place I hope my being an open gay man is no problem to anyone or afend anyone we were not a very open gay couple but we didn't hide it either my Doyle was in the construction industry a brick mason tendr and very good at it so his boss says lol he fell off a ladder in 2007 tore his knee into 105 pices they tried to put it back together but it didn't work so he got a new knee and that didn't work either so he lost his leg above the knee And it just sorta went down hill after that but in all of this hell we went thru he found a hidden talent he could draw like Picaso Monet and he fell in love with it all and he got dam good at it I hope I'm posting this right if not please help many thanks for listening


(((((((John))))))) You are very welcome here! If I didn't see "Lisa's" response to you I would have never read your post again or your thank you.  :thebirdman:

Just click on "New Topic" to start a new post!

Look forward to reading more!!

Love,
Terry


browneyedgirl

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2012, 09:31:46 AM »
John - if you want to add to your post, just hit the reply button so that it will seperate from the orginal post, instead of modifying your original post, it will make it easier for all to see, we don't want to miss your posts!

You are welcome here.  There is no judgement, and we are all here to help each other - regardless of anything. 

Thank you for telling us about Doyle.....
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Zylen

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2012, 01:37:21 PM »
(((((((John)))))))

Sorry for your loss and sorry you have to be here.

You have found a great group of people who truly understand and are more than willing to help anyone here, anytime.

This is such hard and terrible path for all.

Take care,

Kevin

jbryant

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2012, 12:05:48 AM »
Again thank you for the open arms it means a lot to me I'm still in a fog have real bad short term memory it seems and life is so lonely ain't it strange why when a loved one dies everyone is so careing but a month later well hey it's still the same for me but life goes on it just keeps getting harder day by day dam it

MyLou

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2012, 02:56:32 AM »
(((((((((((((((((( JOHN )))))))))))))))))

You are in a fog it's still RAW for you.  You just lost your long life partner. Memory and lonely it's because of your loss.  If you can pick up a grief book.

When my Lou passed a few friends bought me books.  I thought I was going crazy.  After I read the books I realized I'm not crazy it's part of my grief.

Yes everyone seems to go on.  We can't because we are in pain.  They don't get it unless they were "our shoes". 

I call my friends "normal" I'm this new person. If I want to talk about Lou I do. I will always keep is memory alive.

We are always here for you.

Sending you , love , peace and hugs


Always,

Lisa 
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

johnkmurray

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2012, 09:22:39 AM »
((((John)))),

I'm also John, and I lost my wife to cancer 2.5 yrs ago. Welcome to webhealing. I'm sorry for the loss that brought you here but you found a good place to share your thoughts, feelings, questions. Although none of us wanted to start on this journey you couldn't find a more supportive bunch of fellow travellers.

John

browneyedgirl

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2012, 10:25:02 AM »
John - wondering how you're doing.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

jbryant

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Re: I'm a newbie
« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2012, 06:45:31 PM »
hi everyone Im jsut still trying to figure things out why this and why that ect youve all been here and from what all Ive read from your posts and others on this site has been such a greeat help Im not very open or should I say Im learning how to become more open cause we lived shuch a shelterd lifestyle didnt have a lot of friends ect. but that was the way we liked it all we needed was each other we were our own party and boy did we do some back in the day many moons ago, I need to know the facts of what happend cause it happened so freaking fast so Im gonna go get a copy of his records for that 38 hrs.
I try not to cry but I cant control at times like now but they say your tears are all different tears of joy,tears of sadness ect. Lisa thank you for the advice on a book havent done it yet cause Im finding all of the eariler posts that all of ya'll have posted has been my book thus far I stay in my music alot bringing back the old memories and the new ones as well but just trying to get back to normal and I know that will neverr happen cause half of me is gone and that will never change everyday seems like another piece of me floats away this is a loney dark journey we are all on and dam I want out off or whatever else you want to call it just wish I could trade places we were suppose to grow older togather and when i see other older couples I break down and you know the rest of the story  but that was yesterday (good tune by the way lol) thanks for all of your support and your messages they mean a lot they really do.
Nov. would have been 35 yrs
« Last Edit: September 18, 2012, 06:59:21 PM by jbryant »