Author Topic: Tone's funeral was today  (Read 2250 times)

sonya

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Tone's funeral was today
« on: September 04, 2012, 08:54:45 PM »
We cremated the love of my life today in 2011.
I cannot believe that a year has gone by since he died and today was the day of the funeral.

I have flashes of memories from that day and those surrounding it.

Day, painful keening. Crying and disbelief.

Today I am shocked and saddened. It still seems so unreal that he is gone and will never return. It is not just young children who cannot comprehend the permenance of death, for I feel it too.

Can I let him go? Remember him in the past? Will that work when I still talk to him in the present?

I have changed so much. Am no longer the person that he knew and loved.

I am older. Deepened by the experience of so much pain and loss. I feel like I am another version of me. The 'beforé'SOnya is behind the glass.

But I also feel like I am emerging. I laugh more and look to the future more.
The experience of his death has made me more tolerant of others. More kind and giving. Though of course I am no Mother Teresa!
I no loner stress the small things as I once did. I count my blessings everyday.
Although I swing back to life being pointless, I mainly focus on living my best life for him, that he can experience all the joys and experiences in life through me, that he was not able to be here for himself.

I practice being positive. I know this week that I am drinking and smoking too much but thats ok. I accept that this week. Nxt week I will start again. I will be this new person that I am. I will take good care of myself.

I miss him.
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

Doug1222

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Re: Tone's funeral was today
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2012, 09:51:45 AM »
Thanks for the update, Sonya. That's all any of us can do...the best we can.


Jean D

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Re: Tone's funeral was today
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2012, 11:45:40 AM »
Sonya, I deeply feel your pain today.  The flashes from the days gone by are still with me too and they bring great sorrow...but then I try to turn myself back to where I am today. I think it is quite ok to be in the place you are this week and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and I am confident you will return to the "new version" of Sonya when you are done.
(((((((((((((((Sonya))))))))))))))))
Jean

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Tone's funeral was today
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2012, 11:49:12 AM »

But I also feel like I am emerging. I laugh more and look to the future more.
The experience of his death has made me more tolerant of others. More kind and giving. Though of course I am no Mother Teresa!
I no loner stress the small things as I once did. I count my blessings everyday.
Although I swing back to life being pointless, I mainly focus on living my best life for him, that he can experience all the joys and experiences in life through me, that he was not able to be here for himself.

I practice being positive. I know this week that I am drinking and smoking too much but thats ok. I accept that this week. Nxt week I will start again. I will be this new person that I am. I will take good care of myself.

I miss him.

((((((((((Son)))))))))) I am so happy to learn of these changes. They come slow and when we're ready to experience them, but they come! I've found that I can rush a lot of things in life, but I can't and would not want to rush grief. Those baby steps are very healthy.

Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: Tone's funeral was today
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2012, 12:08:06 PM »
((((Son))))

I see you making progress with your grief...all we can do is try and move forward, I see you succeeding. Tone will always live in your heart. 

Lots of love.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

MyLou

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Re: Tone's funeral was today
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2012, 05:06:49 PM »
((((((((((((( SONYA ))))))))))))

Thinking of you.  The pain is unbearable when we go back to that day. Some days are still harder than others.

You do what you have to do to get through the day ,  week. If it's smoking and drinking so be it. Take those baby steps and take care of you.

Tone is always with you and will always love you.

Always,

Lisa  
« Last Edit: September 05, 2012, 05:08:58 PM by MyLou »
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

stampingwidow

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Re: Tone's funeral was today
« Reply #6 on: September 07, 2012, 11:14:34 AM »
We have left our old normal and it is a difficult path to our new normal.  It sounds like you are making progress on this difficult journey.

arthur

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Re: Tone's funeral was today
« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2012, 10:47:35 PM »
Hi Sonya. Sorry I missed your anniversary date.  (((((Sonya))))))