First the new relationship is complicated. I last time I tried dating anyone new I was 17 and I married her. Now 21 years later everything is so different. I have kids, she has kids. Nothing like dealing with 6 unique personalities. And she has a past not use to dealing with that at all. Jen and I pretty much grew up together, we were teenagers when we meet. I feel in-adequate a lot, she has had past relationships she has traveled to many places I have never been. She has had such a full life before me. Me I was with the same person for 16 years. I have found I have not a clue what I am doing or how to deal with her past. I have to say she is wonderful and deals with all of me. She seems to understand that Jen will always be a part of me and that she will never have all of me.
Beginning a relationship with obvious complications is concerning. Although no relationship is without problems and they all entail work if they are worth it, it's good to know that you recognize the red flags flying about so early. (time will tell, Jason)
http://webhealing.com/forums/index.php/topic,7767.0.html From the thread: "Dad is dating again ... please, anybody else been there?"
This is one of many threads discussing how adult children are affected when a parent remarries after a death. I think it's very normal to feel mixed emotions and just a reminder that this thread discusses *adult* children and not younger and more fragile children.
In this thread I shared the story of Joe and Belva and Joe's new wife, Elaine. If everyone we meet could be as secure as Elaine there certainly would be no problems in a new relationship. Elaine didn't try to remove or delete Belva from Joe's life. She was too smart for that!
In loving Joe, she accepted every part of him and Belva was a huge part of him. Joe continues to just adore her. Who wouldn't? She's kind and compassionate. Patient and intelligent. And, emotionally secure - what a healthy ego!
Thank You, Jason for sharing your Liz with us. It sounds like she is stepping lightly in regards to your son as she understands the fragility in this situation - probably due to what she experienced with the loss of her father, although she did not have to experience the confusion or pain that accompanies a parent remarrying.
And, to be realistic, Liz may not be the one you spend the rest of your life with as you're still young and have many opportunities ahead in life. But all relationships are a learning experience and they are also a lot of work. Some end up being worth it and some don't.
The misconception that children bounce back quickly is just that. Every child is unique in how they handle a parent remarrying. That's evident in reading how adult children handle this.
I'm glad to know that you are continuing to place your children first as they need your strength and guidance right now.
If a relationship is going to survive, it will be put to the test first and acceptance is a big part of that test. The acceptance that we all had a life before *them* and that life cannot be dishonored. Respect is the basis for a strong foundation, in my opinion.
I'm sorry to hear things have not worked out the way you would have liked for your Mom. It's difficult for some people to live together, regardless of the love between them. I'm glad to know you're taking steps to remedy that for all concerned.
Just know we're here for you and I hope you keep us updated on how things are going. I always think of you and your kids and hold positive thoughts for you all.
Holding you close with Jen's angel date fast approaching.
((((((((((Jason & Family))))))))))
Love,
Terry