Author Topic: I'm new  (Read 4226 times)

carolflana

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I'm new
« on: July 23, 2012, 06:53:26 AM »
Hello, my name is Carol.  My husband died May 3rd, two days after I retired.  My life has been turned upside down.  I have read many posts on the forum and see that I am not alone in the feelings I have in my grief.  I knew it would be hard, but not as hard as it is.  I started counseling, and join a breavement group. 
My husband was in the hospital amonth after surgery due to complications.  After 3 weeks on a respirator they were able to remove the tube.  He was transferred to a nursing home for PT, was there for a month, and he was getting better and was to come home May 2nd.  He had to be sent back to the hospital my last day of work, was non responsive the 3 days before he died so I couldn't even say goodbye.....

browneyedgirl

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2012, 09:47:51 AM »
Dear Carol ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.  Welcome.  I am sorry that you have to be here with us.  You have come to the right place, there are many here who understand, you will see as they come forward to greet you.  There is always someone to listen. 

((((Carol))))

Come back soon and let us know how you're doing, and tell us more about your husband if you wish.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

hixguy

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2012, 10:08:17 AM »
Sorry to hear of your loss.  We can all relate in one way or another.  I wish I had words of hope or could promise you it gets better with time, but that has not been my experience after nine months.  A loss of our spouse is devastating for many reasons.  We notice their absence everyday, from morning to night.  It is constant.  But I am not surprised I feel as sad and lost as I do because she was the most important person to enter my life.  We were retired and spent all our time together, with no children to distract our relationship.  The passing of time will not cause me to miss her less.  She was in the hospital for 36 days after her accident and I had to watch her suffer.....that image will never go away and it is the only thought of her I have.  On Oct 9th I left the hospital a bit early because she was suppose to come home in 2 days, in a wheelchair or hospital bed forever.  Less than an hour after I left, she died.  If I had stayed my normal time, I would have been there.  I also did not say my final goodbyes and thank her for being the only true FRIEND that ever entered my life.  So I know how badly it feels, and so do others on Webhealing.
Andy

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: I'm new
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2012, 10:29:58 AM »

(((((((Carol)))))))

I am so sorry for your great loss. Please tell us more about your husband when you're comfortable doing so. We are always here to listen, day or night.

Welcome to our webhealing family.

Love,
Terry

Jean D

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2012, 11:02:38 AM »
Hi Carol,

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm rather new here too. My husband passed suddenly in December and I understand how it feels to have never have had the chance to say goodbye. So do so many of the folks who are here on this site. Everyone is so helpful and always have nice words to say. It is a terrible journey we are all on, but maybe with everyone's help and understanding it can become bearable.

(((((((((((Carol))))))))))))))
Jean

gaberax

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2012, 12:19:43 PM »
(((Carol)))  So sorry for your loss.  My loss was very similar in the way it happened.  It is devastating.  I know it, we all know it. 

Please know that we are here to listen to you, to help you when we can and to offer love, support and guidance on your journey of grief.  No question is too small to ask, no pain too small to be shared. May you find peace here and wherever you can in the days ahead.

Bob

johnkmurray

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2012, 12:33:14 PM »
((((Carol))))

If it is any consolation, even when we have time, are forwarned, there never seems to be enough time to say goodbye. I lost my wife to cancer over two years ago and even towards the end, when we could see that she didn't have much time left, I don't feel like I said goodbye. Maybe I was in denial right up to the bitter end. What is more important, at least this is what I've come to believe, is that I told her how much I loved her every day we were together, from the time we first met, fell in love, married, through the first few years as we struggled, into the better times, on that fateful day when the doctors told us of the cancer, through her illness ... and on that day when I held her hand and watched her leave me. Every day since then.

What I'm trying to say is that I've come to believe that we are never really ready to say goodbye - to this day I'm still not ready - but I take comfort in knowing that Kit knew she was loved. (Oh I know I still never told her enough - do guys ever?) It may be small consolation, but try to find the bright sparks, the happy moments, to help you through the days ahead.

John

carolflana

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2012, 02:29:54 PM »
Thank you everyone for your comments.  I just got back from grocery shopping and started crying in the store -- I know this will happen.  I see items I would buy for him and the tears start.  We knew each other 45 years and our 40th wedding anniversary was the month after he died.  He was my best friend.  Thank you again for your thoughts.

browneyedgirl

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2012, 04:00:18 PM »
((((Carol))))

40 years is a long time, I am so sorry.  One day at at time.  Come here as often as you wish and you can post as much as you like.  We're here for you.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

MyLou

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2012, 05:05:17 PM »
(((((((((((( CAROL )))))))))))))

I'm sorry for your loss.  Welcome to our family.  We are here when you need us.  You need to take care of you rest, eat, drink.

I know what you mean when you go to the grocery store.  It's horrible I still cry when I go in.  I try to make a list and get what I can and leave. Also , other stores I do the same Lou and I did a lot together.

I get when people didn't get a chance to say goodbye but I will never say goodbye to Lou.  I know I will see him again. 

Take baby steps , one sec, min, hour and day at a time. 

This is one hard journey as you know and you read from others.

We will always be here.

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

angie

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2012, 12:23:47 AM »
((((((((((((((((( CAROL ))))))))))))))))

Hi.Sorry for the loss of your husband xxx Sorry you need to be here but glad you have found us.This journey is hard but it really helps having all these guys on here they understand and get "it".
In the early days after Davie died i came on here every day i guess it helped me to not feel completely alone.

HUGE HUGS
Love
Angie
XXXXX

carolflana

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2012, 05:27:45 AM »
Thank you.  Reading the posts on this site have been very helpful.  I read a lot here before I could post.  George and I had conversations about the things we had done in our life together during the days before he was hospitalized.  He knew I loved him and I knew he loved me.  As I look back, maybe he knew what was coming as he was reviewing his life and our life together.  We will never know this, but at least I knew his feelings, even though we can never know exactly how someone else feels.  I have had several losses just this year, first my cousin in January, then a very favorite Aunt in April, my George May 3rd, and then a very dear friend May 14th.  Yesterday I learned that another friend died last week, we would see her once a year when we vacationed at the NJ shore.  She and her husband stayed in the room next to the one we stayed in.  I always looked forward to seeing them every year we were there.
I guess I am rambling.  It is hardest for me in the mornings so I try to get up with a plan on things to do each day, if not I tend to mope around all day and that is not good...

((everyone))

Carol

sonya

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2012, 07:48:10 AM »
(((((((((Carolflana))))))))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I want to welcome you on here and tell you just how much it has helped me being here, sharing my ramblings, my ups and downs with others in a very similar position. I get so much support here and know that you will too.

I would love to hear some more about him and you when you are ready.

Take good care,
eat something,
SOnya xxx
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

browneyedgirl

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #13 on: July 26, 2012, 09:22:47 AM »
Carol - wondering how you are doing.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

carolflana

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Re: I'm new
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2012, 06:10:54 AM »
I visited my sister for two days, and came home yesterday.  She has been very supportive to me, she lost her husband 8 years ago.  I have so much anxiety and fear at times, especially in the morning, it is hard to get out of bed.  I know I have to go through this, and try to think of good memories.  It is so hard.  I have things to do, but can't seem to get anything done.  This group helps....thank you.