I have sent out invitations to a graveside memorial service to family and friends for this coming Saturday. The plan is to read a few things, offer a few prayers and release a single white balloon at the end. Then there will be a luncheon at Denise's sister's house.
Since you guys have provided so much to me in this last year, I thought I'd let you read the invitation and my part of the ceremony.
The invitation:
Memorial for Denise E******. Saturday, July 14, 2012.
This coming Saturday, July 14, 2012 from noon till 12:30pm, there will be a graveside memorial service marking the one year anniversary of Denise's passing. I am inviting anyone who wishes to come to remember Denise to please plan on attending. If you decide to come, I encouraged you to bring a paragraph or two with a thought, prayer or poem inspired by Denise to be read at the service. If you would rather have your note read for you, that can be arranged.
Immediately after the ceremony, lunch will be served at Denise's sister Jane's house at approximatly 1pm. Lunch and refreshments will be provided. Directions will be provided at the service.
If you would like to attend please let me know with a phone call or email as the luncheon will be catered (catering provided by S*********) and I would like to get a rough head count before placing the final order.
My cell phone is : (removed)
My email address is : (removed)
If you cannot attend but would like to include a note with your thoughts to be read at the ceremony, please send me an email or contact me personally and I will send you my mailing address.
If you cannot attend and would rather not send a note, please take a moment around noon this Saturday and remember a wonderful person who was taken from us way too soon. I thank you in advance for your thoughts and prayers. May God bless you all.
The address for St John's is below:
St John The Evangelist Parish
13305 Long Green Pike
Hydes, MD 21082
Thoughts from me to Denise:
I would like to thank you all for coming. Tomorrow, July 15, marks the one year anniversary of Denise's death. At times, it is hard for me to believe it has been a year. And yet, a year has passed. And it has been so very, very hard. I miss Denise. I ache for her. That yearning for her, her presence, is with me every moment of every day. Her loss has changed me. I am not the same man I was a year ago, before Denise became sick and died. I often feel that the "Bob" I was before died with Denise that day a year ago. Or maybe I am just now becoming aware of the subtle changes that Denise has had on me through the years we were together. At this memorial service I wanted to celebrate Denise as I knew her and highlight how she taught me how to live, to laugh and to love.
Denise lived her life fully and in doing so, showed me how to enjoy life. She was warm, honest and sincere. Almost from the moment we fell in love (and,yes, we often talked about that specific moment) she was by my side. She got up early every morning, made us breakfast and ate with me. She packed healthy lunches for me. She kissed me often, encouraged me, told me the truth when I needed to hear it, held me when I was overwhelmed, guided me when I needed it, she protected me...simply, she loved me. She pointed out to a very foolish me, often, what was important in life. Sometimes, when we would be driving around in my truck and we would pass some grand house I would sigh and mutter "I wonder what this guy does for a living" or "what am I doing wrong?" She would smile at me and say, "They're not happy. Not like us." And I would smile and realize that she was right.
I was a more lighthearted man when Denise was alive. Denise and I would laugh often. We danced slowly in the kitchen. I played my guitar in bed in the dark and we sang songs together. She was my harmony singer. We celebrated with family. We dressed up gingerbread men. We collected toys. We went to flea markets. We read books to one another. We stopped by the roadside and took pictures with the sunflowers. We fed birds and squirrels. We planted a garden. We went to Broadway shows, holiday celebrations, family celebrations, art museums, historical sites, fine restaurants and fine hotels. We learned little things about each other along the way. For me it was as wonderful and as intimate as being with another can get. She taught me how to argue correctly. She drew me out of my cave when I was angry, She soothed the madman in me when I was raging. She held me through the night.
Denise helped me raise my twin daughters ( a terrifying prospect for me, a man lost in the alien world of women.) She said I helped her with her relationships with her sons. We became a family. She literally made me weak in the knees. She literally took my breath away when she walked in a room. I physically had to get next to her....to hold her hand...to touch her...to kiss her. One time, years before she got sick, we were having a conversation about what we would do if something ever happened to the other. I wasn't comfortable with the conversation so I gave her the answer I thought she wanted to hear. Denise had always been jealous (although I loved her madly.) So when she asked if I would love again, I said "No, honey, after you I am hanging up my spurs with women." I was surprised when she got mad. She asked me "Has loving me been so bad?" "No, of course not," I spluttered, "Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me." "Then, if something ever happens to me, I want you to love again. I want you to be happy," she said.
But I was happy. Happier than any time in my life. And so a year later, I am struggling. Moving on in a new house. Dating another. Both things, I have a sneaking suspicion, Denise had some hand in arranging. The coincidences are so strong in each instance. If you only knew how that woman thought. She gave me everything she had in life...and provided for me beyond. Her loss has shaken my belief system to the core and I have wrestled with some big questions in this last year...questions on the meaning of life, on death, on God and the hereafter. In the end, the only thing I know for sure is this...Denise was here and loved me with everything she had. And I loved her then with all my heart. I still do.
Let me conclude with one of our "standard" replies to each other, one I am certain that she initiated. One would say, "Do you love me?" And the reply, "Always and forever." I miss you, my darling. And I love you. Always and forever.
Death is Nothing at All
by Henry Scott Holland
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.