Well today I decided to spread some of Tone ashes at Birkrigg Common. My friend will collect me from work at 6pm and drive me there.
Its a place that he used to go to a lot. He used to fly power kites up there if the tide was in and he couldnt go kiteboarding on the beach. He lived up there in his van for a while. Its where we are going to have a picnic next month for his anniversary. But I have not been there since I came back and decided it was important that I go before the picnic, so that it is a little less overwhelming on the day, because I want it to be a day of celebration, not of mourning.
So the ashes. Well there were family issues over the 'real' ones so I do not have them and they have been scattered somewhere crap. But, I took some of his things that no one wanted, down to the beach and made a fire and wrote a letter and popped that in too and collected a jam jar of ashes (having knocked over the bucket by accident and nearly setting fire to have the beach! There is a theme brewing here!)
So last night I looked through my photo albums and decanted some of his ashes. I had meant to buy a small container but had not sorted it out. So instead I found an empty pesto jar. Chose that as he was not that keen on olives which was the alternative. Had a slight incident with spillage over my coursework but luckily managed to sweep him in and did not have to hoover him up!
I know this post may seem irreverent...And it is. But the whole thing, like knocking him over on the beach, made me giggle. I've always been clumsy and it would have made him laugh, so it made me smile too. I thought that if anyone could laugh at this dark humour it would be you guys.
So today I walked the five miles into work. Set off quite well but listening to a placebo song just set me off and I bealed most of the way into work. Think I may have disturbed some of the youth on their way into school; passing a little weeping woman at 8 in the morning, listening to her ipod and, unbeknownst to them, carrying her sweet prince in an empty pesto jar to be released to the winds on Birkrigg Common.