Author Topic: Tone and the pesto jar  (Read 6089 times)

sonya

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Tone and the pesto jar
« on: July 03, 2012, 01:47:45 AM »
Well today I decided to spread some of Tone ashes at Birkrigg Common. My friend will collect me from work at 6pm and drive me there.   

Its a place that he used to go to a lot. He used to fly power kites up there if the tide was in and he couldnt go kiteboarding on the beach. He lived up there in his van for a while. Its where we are going to have a picnic next month for his anniversary. But I have not been there since I came back and decided it was important that I go before the picnic, so that it is a little less overwhelming on the day, because I want it to be a day of celebration, not of mourning.

So the ashes. Well there were family issues over the 'real' ones so I do not have them and they have been scattered somewhere crap. But, I took some of his things that no one wanted, down to the beach and made a fire and wrote a letter and popped that in too and collected a jam jar of ashes (having knocked over the bucket by accident and nearly setting fire to have the beach! There is a theme brewing here!)

So last night I looked through my photo albums and decanted some of his ashes. I had meant to buy a small container but had not sorted it out. So instead I found an empty pesto jar. Chose that as he was not that keen on olives which was the alternative. Had a slight incident with spillage over my coursework but luckily managed to sweep him in and did not have to hoover him up!
I know this post may seem irreverent...And it is. But the whole thing, like knocking him over on the beach, made me giggle. I've always been clumsy and it would have made him laugh, so it made me smile too. I thought that if anyone could laugh at this dark humour it would be you guys.

So today I walked the five miles into work. Set off quite well but listening to a placebo song just set me off and I bealed most of the way into work. Think I may have disturbed some of the youth on their way into school; passing a little weeping woman at 8 in the morning, listening to her ipod and, unbeknownst to them, carrying her sweet prince in an empty pesto jar to be released to the winds on Birkrigg Common.
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

MyLou

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2012, 02:18:40 AM »
((((((((((((((( SONYA ))))))))))))))))))

That is a beautiful ideal what you are doing today with Tone's ashes.

It did make me laugh about knocking over Tone's ashes.  I am clumsy too so probably would be something I would do.

Sending you huge hugs and peace.

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Jean D

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2012, 08:01:17 AM »
Sonya,
In a week that finds me crying at everything, your story made me giggle. Thank you for that.

(((((((Sonya))))))))))

Jean

browneyedgirl

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2012, 10:37:03 AM »
(((((((((((((Sonya))))))))))))))))))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

johnkmurray

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2012, 12:24:03 PM »
((((Sonya))))

Thanks for sharing the story. Even in our grief we should find some humour.

John

sonya

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2012, 03:51:59 PM »
Well, an update for those of you interested in how things went.
Was generally useless and distracted at work.
met an old friend for lunch and had a huge glass of wine which generally helped the afternoon pass by lol.

Eventually left work half an hour earlier than my friend was collecting me as I felt bad about 'earning' money for generally being feckless.
So I was collected and, a bag of nerves, deposited on Birkrigg Common.

I wanted the time to myself and played 'our' songs on my ipod. Tried to play his favourite Hendrix but even though I love Tone dearly, even his death is not enough to make me listen to a 15minute song lol.

I wandered around. Trying to find the 'right' place and eventually cried and said i didnt know and asked Tone to hold my hand and take me.
And he did. I sat and cried and talked to him. And hid my face and pesto jar from a few dog walkers.
And felt him so so close. His arms wrapped around my and kissing me. I almost smelt the back of his neck, earthy warm salt-sun smell that is Tone. And I cried and couldnt open that pesto jar for so long.

I didnt want to release him. I didnt want to let him go. i stood on the bench and still couldnt do it, until I finally agreed to let just this part go, and let a little part of me move forward. Only because we created those ashes together. His belongings, my lighting the fire and gathering. So they are not his ashes but ours. Created as a couple. And together those ashes of us as a couple were set free upon the winds. As a couple we were released over Birkrigg Common where he so loved to be.
Together we will fly over those hilltops,
Together felt right.
I scattered them,
Had a fag
said another little goodbye
Hard. Painful. But good xxxx
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

MyLou

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2012, 02:21:47 AM »
((((((((((((( SONYA ))))))))))))))))

Hoping you have some peace as you released Tone and Your ashes ....


Hugs

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

browneyedgirl

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2012, 09:42:24 AM »
((((((((Sonya)))))))))))))

Thank you for updating....I love the idea of the ashes being yours, as a couple. 

lots of love.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Doug1222

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2012, 11:42:01 AM »
Thanks for the update, Sonya. I agree with Pam. The idea of it being you and Tone's ashes as a couple is beautiful.

(((((((((Sonya))))))))))

Doug

laurenE

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2012, 04:00:02 PM »
LOL  @ knocking him over on the beach.    Sounds like something I would do.  lol. 
You made me smile.  Thank you for writing today.

sonya

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2012, 01:15:43 AM »
((((((((((Everyone))))))))))

Thanks guys. I am so glad that you found humour in my tales and to those of you who understood what I meant about the us' ashes.
Thanks for your comments

Off to a wedding todayxxx
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

gaberax

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #11 on: July 09, 2012, 04:36:26 PM »
Your story made me laugh (((Sonya)))

Halfpint

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Re: Tone and the pesto jar
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2012, 04:59:09 PM »
I smiled and got teary for you. Love how you made a special moment, that was a beautiful story.