Sue, grief and sadness are partners. They co-exist for awhile, until grief subsides and sadness takes over. Eventually the sadness of loss materializes as sadness of being alone. Loneliness is a terrible feeling and can sap one of the joys of life. For many, life becomes a boring routine. Little if nothing to look forward to each day. One day just runs into another. Even social activities like your bowling are not fulfilling because you are doing it alone. No one is there to discuss the anticipation of the game, or the results of your effort afterward. Without that sharing, the fun you once enjoyed is gone. I say this from my own experience, even after just going on four months since my wife's passing, I know loneliness is now my worse enemy.
At 66, I am not looking forward to establishing a new relationship, even one that does not mean living together, but I know I need to in order to not be lonely. In my case, we were together for 27 years, we had become one, the search for me will begin once I feel that I can relate to new people on my own, as me, not we. That will be hard, and I know there will be many false starts and disappointment, just as it was when I was young. There will be people I meet who will not want to put up with the mood swings of a widower, but eventually I believe I will succeed in finding the right person and beat loneliness.
My motivation for this attitude is my departed wife. You see, she was widowed about two and half years when we met. For well over a year before then, she had sought a new, lasting companion. She finally succeeded when she found me. It was not easy for us at first in that she still had moments of grief for her lost husband, but we made it through and had a happy and fulfilling life together.
Had she not sought to beat loneliness, she and I would not have had the good life we did. I would not be in morning now for her. My life would have been different, as would have been hers.
I am grateful that she back then chose companionship over being alone.
It seems to me you are at that place where she was, albeit a little longer alone.
I cannot tell you how to step out and meet new people, or how to beat the fear of doing it, as I have yet to try in a meaningful way. What I do know, is that when you do, your days will offer anticipation, challenge, and joy, and yes, disappointment then what you are now experiencing. It is called living as we were intended to do. I know my wife believed it, as she told me to not be alone after her death. She told me this because she loved me. I suspect your husband would also want you to find happiness after his death as he wanted happiness for you in his life.
When my wife was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I told a few people that she and I were on our last voyage together. We knew what her destination was, where her voyage would end, but mine was unknown. There was nothing we could do to change her itinerary , but mine was for me to find. I now know what has to be done to find my way, I just need to overcome the fear of taking that path.
I am not sure if this helps you, but for me, it is something that gives me hope that I can beat loneliness with a new and different companion. If that fails, at least I tried, and then and only then can I come to terms with living by myself and not be lonely.
Ray