Author Topic: I feel like I am in a desert  (Read 4557 times)

FROG

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 11
    • View Profile
I feel like I am in a desert
« on: April 27, 2012, 09:31:37 PM »
I feel like I am in a desert.  I am so tired.  I want to sleep.  I have so much that has to be done.
Last weekend we cleaned out my mom's apartment.  That was hard.  Some of the "stuff" was easier than other.
Now I have to find a place for the things I brought back.  I love all the old photos.  There are the family heirlooms. 
Then there are the silly things - things I remember using when I lived at home. 
I read an article on a news site.  I thought that my mom would like to read that and wanted to forward it to her. 
I got some new pictures of my baby granddaughter and thought my mom would like those and wanted to e-mail them to her. 
All these things that I used to share with my mom - I don't have anyone to share with in the same way.

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: I feel like I am in a desert
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2012, 09:59:12 PM »

Hi FROG and Welcome!

I'm sorry to hear of the recent death of your precious Mother and also of the death of your father-in-law. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I feel like I am in a desert.  I am so tired.  I want to sleep.  I have so much that has to be done.
Last weekend we cleaned out my mom's apartment.  That was hard.  Some of the "stuff" was easier than other.

It's just been a week. Do only what you feel you are up to doing. Take care of 'you' right now. Grief drains us of much needed energy and we can become sick and soon after a great loss.

I look forward to hearing more about your Mom when you're comfortable sharing. There is a lot of love and support on these boards and I'm glad you found us. There isn't anything you can't share here as no one will ever judge you. We all understand.

Sending you hugs & love,

((((((((((FROG)))))))))

Terry

FROG

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 11
    • View Profile
Re: I feel like I am in a desert
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2012, 10:24:13 PM »
I have been going through drawers.  It is so hard to decide whta to keep.  It is only stuff.  There is only so much room in my small house.  I feel the need to bring some sort of order and organization to my life. 
Family was so important to my mom.  It is interesting to see the things she saved.  It makes me wonder what people will think when the day comes that they go through my stuff.  :) 
It is fun to see the notes and cards and pictures that my kids sent Grandma.  She still had the coursage from my wedding and we have been married 31 years. 
I have found lots of little notes that she wrote.   
My mom wasn't really a baseball or football fan, but she starting watching the Twins and Vikings because my son is a sports nut.  She watched so she would be able to talk to Dan about it.    I found notes commenting on how the teams were doing.  :) 
I think I have rambled on enough.  Thank you for providing a place to ramble. 
 

SistersinCanada

  • nospam
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 20
    • View Profile
Re: I feel like I am in a desert
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2012, 08:46:49 AM »
Hi FROG
I understand what you are going through.  The little things which bring back memories are the most important.  My mum died 3 years ago and when my  sisters and I were going through her things I kept all the cards and notes that I had written to her as a little girl.  It touched me so much that she had kept them and we had a good laugh looking through them.  I also kept one of her blouses (which wouldn't fit me) just because I remember her wearing it.  I've always meant to make it into a pillow, just never got around to it.  I may still. 

My sister died suddenly a year ago and on her anniversary I went to her home and even though most of her things had been disposed of I did take her jacket.  I never saw her wear it but I know she did when she went to the bridge on the Highway of Heroes (a Canadian highway where we honour any solider who had died). 
I hope it helps to know we are there for you.

FROG

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 11
    • View Profile
Re: I feel like I am in a desert
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2012, 08:17:52 AM »
It is nice to have the support.
I think I was too crabby to some guy on the phone this morning.  There are so many phone calls to make.  I was calling to cancel the prescription drug plan - I won't be paying for another month. 
There are so many calls  and you say the same thing  My mother just died and I want to cancel or whatever.
The monotone guy on the other end of the phone says - We have no record of this death.  Social Security would contact us.  etc. 
At the end of the call he says. "Have a nice day, ma'm"
This is the crabby part - "Yes I will.  My mother just died." 
Couldn't they be trained with a different way to end the call?

browneyedgirl

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2320
    • View Profile
Re: I feel like I am in a desert
« Reply #5 on: April 30, 2012, 09:45:01 AM »
FROG ~

Hello and welcome....I am very sorry for the loss of your mother.  Thank you for sharing her with us.

I think that it's normal to have that sort of reaction when you lose someone.  Yes, they should be trained to handle it better, but perhaps that's their "noramal".  Hope that makes sense.

Come back and share more if you'd like.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Mommysbabygirl

  • nospam
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 25
    • View Profile
Re: I feel like I am in a desert
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2012, 09:40:17 AM »
(((FROG))) Sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel about the "stuff". My mom and I were living together the last 6 months of her life so I got rid of my funiture and we used hers so after she passed I naturally kept the furniture and everyone else took what they wanted. The things I kept although good memories it just made me even more sad. For me it was a constant stress. My therapist told me that I wasn't a keeper of the "stuff". I didn't have to be responsible for them or keep them if I didn't want to. I have a few things in storage, but everything else I eventually gave away. Even the furniture that I thought I needed I gave it away.

Though some items may be memorible to you IMO you don't have to keep them. They will always be with you in your heart and mind.

FROG

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 11
    • View Profile
Re: I feel like I am in a desert
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2012, 09:54:25 PM »
A few years ago when we helped my mom move from her house that she had lived in for more than 40 years to an apartment, it was harder.  It was hard for her to give up some of the things and she was hinting at my brother or me taking things home.  I kept saying that my house is small and I just can't take everything.  It seems easier now to take things to the thrift store than it was then.  I will keep the old pictures because I love old pictures.  I have to keep some paperwork stuff for awhile - just because we live in a paperwork time.  It takes time to go through all the "stuff" and figure out what to do with it.  Some stuff got put in boxes/totes and brought home because we had to be out of the apartment and there is only so much time on weekends and only so many weekends in April.  I am a teacher so as the school year ends, I will have time to go through the last of the totes and make a few more trips to the thrift store.  I also plan to go through my closets and boxes and get rid of stuff that got put away for whatever reason.  I think I have rambled. 
One big accomplishment is that I got all of the thank you cards written the last 2 days.  A friend told me that it is OK that it took me this long.  Another big accomplishment is that I have all the bills paid.  It took forever to cut through the banks red tape so I could write checks.