Author Topic: Trouble cleaning out a closet  (Read 2594 times)

arthur

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Trouble cleaning out a closet
« on: May 13, 2012, 08:42:14 PM »
I've been gradually cleaning out my wifes belongings a little at a time. Over this weekend I thought I'd clean out the dining room buffet, which was Maureen's favorite piece of furniture. There was a cupboard full of old  decorative bowels and whatnot that accumulated over the years of our marriage. I wanted to use the cupboard for boardgame storage for when my family visited. As I started cleaning out the buffet...alot of grief started in again for me. Memories of my wife and my mother and father in law came floating back and now all weekend I've been in tears as I sorted though all the paraphenelia of their lives that was stored in the cupboard.  Man I thought I was further along than this.  Because of the grief, I felt a real need to be next to Maureen, so on an impulse in the middle of a rainstorm I visited her grave and put flowers on it.  The tears just keep coming. I've barely got 30% of what I need to do to clean Maureen's stuff out. Is it all going to be this hard? ..arthur

gaberax

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2012, 08:46:35 PM »
I was advised not to do that alone.  I had her sister with me.  I was damned near worthless I was crying so much.  Sorry for the pain.

MyLou

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2012, 03:40:21 PM »
(((((((( ARTHUR ))))))))


I really wish I had the answer but I don't.  There are some things I still can't go through even at almost 18 months. I have all of our pictures in a tote bag and want to make a scrapbook.  When I reach to do it I put it back. 

Maybe just do a little at a time.  I am sure the tears will come back I am so sorry to say but you and Maureen shared those memories.

Wishing you peace !!!


Always,

Lisa


i
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

stampingwidow

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2012, 07:23:24 PM »
Some routine things, have been fairly easy for me to dispose of.  sentimental things are still impossible for me.  I have a drawer for the really meaningful things that he saved or that he wrote.  I only open it to put things into.  Eventually I will read them and sort them.  Now if I try I just cry my heart out.  I have trouble with photos to.  I am setting them aside to deal with later.  I have a large house with enough space so I can do this.  Ordinary things I have been giving away to people who need them and throwing away things that are worn out.  My husband did not throw much away.  My daughter began to have problems with me getting rid of some things so I have backed off for a while to give her time to adjust.  I have asked my children to deal with his tools.  The kids to not want to deal with dividing up his tools so plan to move them to a safe place here on the farm, that we can secure and put all the tools there.  Planning on sharing them plus using them here on the farm.  after we decide the future of our farm, I will need to decide what to do with the machinery.   At this point I am doing a little at a time, as I can handle it.  Not sure which method is less painful.

rayinsc

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2012, 07:25:13 PM »
I have started the same process.  So far, it has not been too bad as the things I have disposed of were not things that had a special meaning to her or us, or reminded me of a special occasion except one.  That item was an expensive perfume that she liked but had stopped using years ago.  All the memories of how I searched for and finally found it, and the happiness she had when I gave it to her came back.

I gently put it back into her cabinet.

At some point the bathroom she used, and the cabinet therein, and such will have to be no longer referred to as hers.  It will not be easy to move her out and me in, but I will have to deal with it at some point.

As time goes on, she is becoming a song without words.  The beautiful music of her being in my memory will form the vision words bring to a song.
Ray in Santa Cruz

arthur

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2012, 09:50:44 PM »
Thanks Gaberax, MyLou, Stampingwidow and Rayinsc.  I guess I should've remembered the advice of not going through all her stuff without help because of the emotional burden of grief. It happened again this morning...a vet's organization called and asked if I had anything I'd like to donate. They were going to come this morning right to my house so if I was going to give anything I had to get to it. I had a functional old TV I was trying to get rid of as well as some of her clothes, and a portable toilet chair with wheels..all taking up space for no reason. I thought, oh come on lets just get rid of this stuff.  Everything was ok until I was sorting through some of her clothes and I came upon a red blouse that she loved and was used in her obituary picture because she looked so beautiful in it. I put the blouse back and finished packaging eveything and the tears and the grief came on bad.  At one point I thought I was going insane. Several times at work I had to visit the men's bathroom to compose myself while at work. I am ok now..but I am going to get help the next time I have to go through her things to donate them, and I won't do this on a workday! Again thanks everyone for the kind support. Your words mean so much to me. arthur

browneyedgirl

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2012, 09:13:34 AM »
(((((arthur))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

angie

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2012, 01:08:17 AM »
(((((((((((((((ARTHUR))))))))))))))))


Good advice from Bob about not facing these tough challenges alone.
THINKING OF YOU XXXXXX

HUGE HUGS
Love
Angie
XXXXXX

johnkmurray

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2012, 07:26:03 PM »
Arthur,

I've been procrastinating this particular task for just over two years now. Occasionally I'll start sorting through things and thewave of emotions drives me off. One of these days I'll deal with it ... or whoever gets to clear up my own affairs can deal with it for me.

John

sonya

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Re: Trouble cleaning out a closet
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2012, 05:38:43 AM »
(((((((((((Arthur)))))))))))

I have a wooden box of special Tone things. Its in the corner of my bedroom next to all our photoalbums. I dont look into it often but love that its there. I use his favourite knife when I cook. A not too sentimental thing that I use that brings comfort, not tears. 
The things in the box are very powerful and only to be looked at occasionally. So I keep them there, the box keeps them safe and nearby but I am safe from stumbling across them unless I choose to.

Slowly, slowly. When you are ready. Maybe not on work days. xxxx

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy