Author Topic: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection  (Read 9286 times)

helene

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Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« on: May 09, 2012, 07:31:22 AM »
Hi Everyone,

The book I am currently reading is called 'Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection - How the Body Holds The Sescrets of Life and How to Unlock Them' - by Maggie Scarf, published 2004.

This may sound like a book that has nothing to do with grief, but from what I've read so far (and I've just started) it have everything to do with grief - or a LOT to do with it. The loss or abandonment of a parent when children are very young and throughout youth and early adulthood, can be and is often devastating emotionally for the child. Grief is hidden away and locked tight within one's body, forgottten in one's conscious mind, but still there, buried deep. Grief, and pain from various kinds of trauma, manifests itself in both physical and psychological/mental disorders even without us even realizing the cause! (The medical profession is very new to all of this by the way. How grief, agony, pain, fear, terror, trauma etc gets locked into the body and buried memory has only really started to 'take off' in the medical/psychiatric profession in the last ten years I would say - although, of course there were the earlier 'pioneers' like Freud, Jung, Alice Miller and others.)

I'll stop there for now.

Regards,

Helene.


Helene & Lesley

sevenofwands

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2012, 05:04:17 AM »
Hello Helene:

I think that has a LOT to do with grief, and is possibly the worst kind of life-long grief.
Grief for the "what never was".

I have been reading your posts, Helene, and thining of you.  I know you are struggling.  Take care of yourself as best you can.

Meantime, and on the same subject:

If an infant doesn’t receive the kind of emotional interactions it needs from its caretakers during the early months of life, its brain won’t develop optimally. Certain neurons that should have interconnected will instead die. “Use or lose it” — if you don’t get what you need during those first two years, that experience will alter you for life. As my own client translates it, this means “brain damage.” You might be able to modify that damage to a degree, with a lot of hard work, but you will never be the person you might have been if you’d gotten what you needed during that critical period of emotional development."

From an article here:

http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/attachment-theory-and-shame/
http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/category/narcissism-and-shame/

Hugs
Seven


Doug1222

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2012, 05:41:42 AM »
If an infant doesn’t receive the kind of emotional interactions it needs from its caretakers during the early months of life, its brain won’t develop optimally.

That's very true and very real, Seven. My wife's a social worker (children's services worker). She deals with this all the time. Sometimes she comes home and cries all night over these kids as she struggles to find something to help.

The damage can be mitigated, but it never really heals. It's something people learn to cope with much like grief.

We're all here for you, Helene. You're going through a lot, and we're here to listen. Hang in there.

((((((((((((((((((Helene))))))))))))))))))

Doug

helene

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2012, 08:18:04 AM »
Hi Seven and Doug,

Thank you for your encouragement and caring thoughts.  I really appreciate it!! Seven, the quote you included from the article 'Attachment-theory-and-shame" is spot one I think. I will read the entire article when I get a chance for sure! Doug, your wife has a very stressful job! I admire social workers. A cousin of mine just retired from her social worker job in Florida. The stories about children she told me were heart-wrenching.

Another book I ordered from the library just came in. It's titled 'THE BEAST: A RECKONING WITH DEPRESSION - by Tracy Thompson published in 1995. This is the author's own personal account with her devastating depression which was caused by many things, includign grief.

I know that many of us here probably suffer from depression. What is the difference, I wonder sometimes, between grief and severe depression? Anyway, thank you both again for your love and support. I - in spite of my shaky self - am here for you as well!

Love from Helene.


Helene & Lesley

Doug1222

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2012, 09:38:18 AM »
I know that many of us here probably suffer from depression. What is the difference, I wonder sometimes, between grief and severe depression?

I've pondered the same question a lot in the last year or two, Helene. When I first started working on all of this, I was originally researching a mid-life crisis (which also shares a lot of symptoms with depression). It kept dragging on for months...no sleep, unable to eat enough, unable to focus, lost interest in things I used to enjoy, etc.

I was pretty much having every symptom of severe/clinical depression. Due to my age and several big triggers prior to it starting, I was assuming it was a mid-life crisis. Then I stumbled on grief while researching the mid-life thing.

It has the same symptoms, too! I'm sure now that my main problem was grief. Since I started working on that, I've felt much, much better. I've rarely had the big symptoms I was having all last year since then.

I really do wonder the same thing, though. What's the difference, and how are we supposed to know which is which? I wonder if there even is a difference or if it's just one big thing.

Anyway, it's good to hear from you. You have a beautiful soul, Helene. It's always good to hear from you.

((((((((Helene))))))))))

Doug

helene

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2012, 11:47:01 AM »
Hi Doug,

Well, I know one thing: it's complicated! Grief. Depression. Complicated grief. Anticipatory grief. Unresolved grief. Dissociated grief. Non-gried-related-depression. Grief-related-depression. Denial. Anger. Addictions. Loneliness. Insomnia. Hallucinations. Grief-grief-grief-grief ...........!!!!!!!!!!! A, B. or C or all of the above and more even!

I am glad - very glad Doug,  - that you have found some relief by recognizing that for you, the depression and grief were definitely linked. And I know that there's help out there and people who truly care. I know because I've met you here and we talk and share and we have so many friends who love us and care for us here at Webhealing. Thank God for this place and you people!

(((((((((((((Doug))))))))))))))))

Hugs,

Helene.


Helene & Lesley

sevenofwands

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2012, 04:16:39 PM »
Helene, just before I log off for the night here, I wanted to send you a big dose of "good luck" and stacks of encouragement.  You have a big mountain to climb, and I thinkyou have a lot of valour in you.  And your vivid writing shows the considerable insight you have into the difficulties besieging you. 
It seems "ordinary grief" and depression are definitely not the same.  But complicated and chronic grief, well that's a different matter.

I found this:
"Perhaps the hallmark of ordinary grief, as psychologist Kay Jamison has noted, is the ability to be consoled"
“The capacity to be consoled,” she writes, “is a consequential distinction between grief and depression.”
The article raises some interesting points.
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/02/23/the-two-worlds-of-grief-and-depression/

Again, take care.  Be good to yourself.

Seven


helene

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2012, 01:53:35 PM »
Hey Seven: I think the same goes for you re the valour thing! Thank you for bucking me up. Your encouragement really, really helps. I've run out of time to read what you enclosed, but I certainly plan to next week - if I survive the weekend. Life is crazy and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that. It has certainly become a lot crazier since Lesley died!!

I hope things are going ok for you!

With love from
Helene


Helene & Lesley

Veronica1992

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Re: Secrets, Lies, Betrayals - The Body/Mind Connection
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2018, 08:10:22 PM »
Very interesting description of the book. Thank you for sharing