Author Topic: Jason.......  (Read 4078 times)

browneyedgirl

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Jason.......
« on: April 25, 2012, 04:10:36 PM »
Hope you're doing okay, my friend, I haven't seen you around lately. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2012, 07:18:03 AM »

Hi Jason,

Please check in with us when you find the time.

Love,
Terry

jasonkl

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2012, 05:08:20 AM »
Hi all It has been a while sense I have been here. Sorry to if I worried you all. I have been doing a lot of soul searching trying to understand why I am having such a hard time with my feelings. Trying to figure out why with all the new friendships I have made why one would seem to cause so many different feelings. I took many days to realize that what was going on with me was not her. It was me. It was not because she wanted to be more than friends it was because I was thinking about it to and that was what made me feel guilty. It was the fact for the last 8 months somewhere in my head the reality that my Jen, my wife, my love was never coming back and still could not face that. That this wasn't a break up that this wasn't something I could fix. I did not drive her away, that she has gone to place I was never going to be able to get her back from. That no matter what I do no matter how hard I try I will never be able to win her back, because I did not lose her like that. I still find myself thinking when will my life go back to normal. How much longer do I have to do this. These thoughts  just don't last as long any more and the reality of the situation does not bring me to knees any more. Just a tear to my eyes. I guess thats progress. I still can't see a future with out my wife. I have to find a new place to live and I am working on it but it still doesn't feel real. My son will graduate in 6 weeks that does not feel real yet either.  There is still so much I have to do, not much time to get it done. My 14 year old son is ready to be expelled from school because he has become a distraction in all his classes and will not behave in school. His mom and his step father don't know what to do with him. They have done all they can think to get him under control, so I am now face with yet an other desicion I do not wish to make. Do get him to move in with me to try and get this life back under control or do I make him stay and face his problems. It is said they we are never given more than we can handle. Right now I am tired of trying to handle everything.

With all this going on I have had the internal battle with myself over my new friendship. I have finally  realized why it was causing such issues as I mentioned earlier. She reminds me a lot of Jen. Their personalitys are almost the same. I am not fighting this battle any more. I am just going to let go and see where this gos. If it turns into something more than it does if we figure out we are better off friends than so be it. I know I do like spending time with her. I do look forward to talking with her. I am off this weekend to do senior projects with my two soon to be high school graduates. I will try to catch up with all that has happened sense I was last here. I am still trying to learn how to find balance in this new life I have been given.

Thanks all for listening.

Jason

stampingwidow

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2012, 07:13:05 AM »
Here is a grief analogy that may help.  It was given to me at a Grief Gathering.
Picture you & your loved one on top of a mountain (your normal).  The loved one dies and is gone.  You fall down the mountain over hills & valleys.  You end up in a deep river, in a whirlpool.  You go round & round in the whirlpool.  Eventually you come out of the whirlpool and go thru a rocky area and then you start to climb another mountain.  You go over hills & valleys struggling to get to the top.  When you get to the top of the second mountain, you have reached your new normal.  When we loose our old normal we cannot go back to it but we can find a new normal and it will be okay, just different.   Hope this helps as you try to come to terms with your situation.  Ann

browneyedgirl

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2012, 09:38:59 AM »
((((Jason))))

Thank you for sharing.  I hope that your friendship continues to bloosom.

I just wanted to say regarding your son that is having troubles - I can't tell you what the right decision is, but please remember you're still grieving, confused etc.....would it be the best for all involved if you took this on, getting his life under control?  I am worried it would be too much for you.  I have had some experince, as my mother took on rasing my brother's son, and it was very hard for her to do that while grieving for Tony.......

Congrats to your highschool grads!!! =)

Ann- thank you for posting that, it's a good analogy.


((((Jason)))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

jasonkl

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2012, 05:10:06 AM »
Pam

I am sure your right should not take on any more already have a full plate. But I got my 8 months off, I had my time to grieve it time for me to take on the world again. Basiclly just suck it up and deal. So thats what I'll end up doing.  I don't break down as often any more now it about once a week. All my firsts are almost over I just have her b-day and mothers day left. And of coarse the one year mark.  The rest of the things are firsts but they are also different so not the same. I am slow makeing changes in my life. I have found 2 houses to try and get placed one bid yesterday and if I cant get that one I will try for the other. Finally  talked my mother into moving in with me so I can take care of her and make my life a little less hectic.  The kids are not happy about it but they will live. The more I do the more real her passing becomes. I still have a long way to go and I know its not going to be easy. I have a lot of decisions still to make and a lot of work left to do.

I took my wedding ring off last week. I have not been acting like I am married too much lately. Felt were the ring was not right, kind of disrespectful to her and our relationship. I still wear hers and I do not see me ever removing it. She was and is my wife. She will always be my love. She still has my heart and every one in my life knows it.I will never move on as they say, I am just trying to move forward.

Thanks for listening

Jason

MyLou

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2012, 03:41:21 PM »
(((((((((((((((( JASON )))))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you !!!

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Terry

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2012, 08:04:40 PM »
My 14 year old son is ready to be expelled from school because he has become a distraction in all his classes and will not behave in school. His mom and his step father don't know what to do with him. They have done all they can think to get him under control, so I am now face with yet an other desicion I do not wish to make. Do get him to move in with me to try and get this life back under control or do I make him stay and face his problems. It is said they we are never given more than we can handle. Right now I am tired of trying to handle everything.

Hi Jason,

Sometimes moving in with the other parent helps, sometimes it doesn't. But, either way the move is worth a try. You are willing to try and help him and that's a good thing. He's your son and he's in trouble. Stay in touch with us here as there's lots of Mom's on here and we're all more than happy to help! They say that "the ones who are the hardest to love are the ones that need it the most." It's also said, "Kids don't want anyone to try and change them. They want to know that somebody cares enough to 'want to.'

Remember, too that there are resources out there for single parents so please take advantage of them. Brainstorming at parent-teacher meetings, school psychologist, Friends helping Friends...I'm not sure what the school district where your son goes to offers, but just inquire. You're still in very early grief and you don't want to over-extend. Ok?

And, find happiness with whoever you can, whenever you can. Even if it's brief....it's still happiness. You deserve it, Jason.

You have my love,

((((((((Jason))))))))

Terry

arthur

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2012, 08:16:49 PM »
Hey Jason..wow you really do have a a hell of alot going on now..kids..the prospect of taking care of your mom..buying a new house..work..and of course the grief. Been wondering how you're doing..I'm glad to see you really are moving foward in your life, and not letting your grief stop you. i hope you can get the situation with your 14 year old resolved. Hang in there man you're doing great with so much to deal with. arthur

sonya

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2012, 12:11:30 AM »
Hi Jason,

wow you do have a lot on but things seem to have shifted for you in a positive way too.
You have had excellent advice and I cant really offer any more. Just wanted to sah hi and really nice to hear from you.

Take care,

Son xxx
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

stampingwidow

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2012, 11:46:19 AM »
You have a lot of responsibilities right now and only you can decide what to do.  14 year olds like to act tough but inside they hurt so very much.  At that age they seem to feel many things so very deeply.  The good thing is that they respond to love and attention.  He also will benefit from someone who truly listens to him when he finally opens up.  If you can give those things to him you might make a huge difference in his life and on down the road he may bring you comfort.  The comfort may be a long time in coming though.  You might want to read James Dobson's "Strong Willed Child."  Do you know the parents of any of his friends?  They may give you some insights into the boy.

Are there any programs in your school district designed to help troubled teens?  Is a tutor available to help him complete his school work or will he need to go to summer school?  The availability of programs that might help him should be considered as you evaluate where to move. 

A fresh start in a different school, and different parent at least gives the boy a new chance.  If you and your mother can meet his needs you may make a huge difference.  This may be a wonderful opportunity for you to make a big difference in his life.  Focusing on him may help you too.  Best of luck in dealing with all of this.  Keep in mind the people here care!

Terry

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2012, 02:00:34 PM »
You have a lot of responsibilities right now and only you can decide what to do.  14 year olds like to act tough but inside they hurt so very much.  At that age they seem to feel many things so very deeply.  The good thing is that they respond to love and attention.  He also will benefit from someone who truly listens to him when he finally opens up.  If you can give those things to him you might make a huge difference in his life and on down the road he may bring you comfort.  The comfort may be a long time in coming though.  You might want to read James Dobson's "Strong Willed Child."  Do you know the parents of any of his friends?  They may give you some insights into the boy.

Are there any programs in your school district designed to help troubled teens?  Is a tutor available to help him complete his school work or will he need to go to summer school?  The availability of programs that might help him should be considered as you evaluate where to move. 

A fresh start in a different school, and different parent at least gives the boy a new chance.  If you and your mother can meet his needs you may make a huge difference.  This may be a wonderful opportunity for you to make a big difference in his life.  Focusing on him may help you too.  Best of luck in dealing with all of this.  Keep in mind the people here care!

Jason,

Ann has offered you priceless advice. What a thoughtful message. And, the reminder that you are cared for here and we're always here for you.

(((((((Jason)))))))

Love,
Terry

jasonkl

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #12 on: May 07, 2012, 07:07:24 AM »
Thank you all for the thoughts and advice. My 14 year old has decided to stay where he is and try to face his problems. I have been in contact with the school so if anything comes up we would be able to resolve it with out explesion. The school is overwhelmed with problem kids. This economy has created a lot of broken homes and kids acting out. They can not hadle all the kids. To date they have never spoken with my oldest about the loss of his mom.

The sellers of the house accepted my bid. House inspection is on wensday, as of now the closing is to be on the 18. Which is kind of hard. It is the date of the senior prom and 9 months sense the last time I spoke to my wife. I am sure I will be a wreck that day, but better to face it all in one day than stead out the pain.

Tomorrow is my wife's birthday. She would be turning 36. One more first to get through. I was never big on birthdays but I have felt this one coming for days now. Kids have a half day so we will go to the cemarty and see her parents. Right now I am keeping it together. Have a feeling tomorrow I will be a mess. Have get flowers and a card tonight. All she ever wanted was to know I remembered.  This will be one of the hardest cards I have ever brought her.

With all that I have going on, I still can't get her out of my head. How I wish to be to the point where memories bring a smile instead of tears. Hoping for that day soon.

Thanks for listening.

Jason

browneyedgirl

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #13 on: May 07, 2012, 08:44:40 AM »
((((jason))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

stampingwidow

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Re: Jason.......
« Reply #14 on: May 07, 2012, 09:00:58 AM »
Wow!  A great deal has happened in just a short time.  You are facing some very difficult days.  Just take them one at a time.  When we look at everything at once it is overwhelming.  You may be pleasantly surprised.  My husband's birthday, while difficult was not as bad as I had expected.  Sometimes our anticipation is worse than the actuality.  Keep in touch.