more thought on this... For me, I think *not experiencing horrible anticipation* is because I've spent soooo much time (weeeeks!), energy and tears on an upcoming event (Chris's 3rd angel date) that when the day actualy arived I was too drained and numb over such intense grieving to feel anything on that specific day...
My son was killed on July 21st. This last June, around the 1st week or so, I began to DREAD June 21st, somehow my mind thought he was killed in June and not July! boy did that screw me up big time! HOWEVER, after I stopped beating myself up over getting the date wrong, this realization hit me like a ton of bricks... I deeply grieve for my son regardless of the day, anniversary, date, or special event/holiday. Maybe this is acceptance....
Acceptance doesn't mean I've forgotten my son, that I never cry, or get angry over his being killed, that I've moved on, gotten over his death, OR my grief. It's more that the reality has solidified within me, and there's nothing I can do about it, but wait until I join him in Heaven and in the mean time, try to make him and those that love me proud.