Author Topic: Need a reset botton  (Read 2103 times)

jasonkl

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Need a reset botton
« on: March 24, 2012, 10:26:58 PM »
Tonight I sit here not really sure what has happened. Had a fight with my sons girlfriend over a hamster, we went from wanting to buy a hamster to I'm moving out. And I can't tell you how we got there. I guess I should give some back round to those of you who do not know the story. About a month or 2 (not really sure how long) after my wife passed my son's girlfriend moved in with us. I was in a fog, not really caring about much at the time. All I remember is her telling me her mom kicked her out and she had no where else to go. So I let her move in. She was 17 at the time so I did make sure the high school knew where she was staying. I though it would be temporary at the time. I never thought the school social worker would let her stay here knowing my wife just passed away. But to my surprise, she is now 18 and still here and the school does not care. Any way I let her move in because I know my wife would have said yes, they had been talking about her moving in with us as soon as she was 18.
I don't know what I said, or how I handled the whole hamster thing, but some where it all went wrong. I know tonight was not the night for her to ask something like that. I am not all here been hurting all day. Tomorrow I have to take my son to the city to visit the collage the first time. Just one more thing his mom should be here for. Been feeling this event coming up on me all day. I'm not sure if she though asking tonight was good thing as maybe she was counting on me not to be all here and just say yes because she knows what tomorrow is, or it was just bad timing. All I know is I have a lot on mind and not a lot of time to get things done. With in the next six months I have get my son into collage find a new place to live, try and help his girlfriend with what I can for her education and some how keep myself sane. Not to sure about the last two.
I miss her so much, Nights like this I need her, just  to tell me I doing the right thing and everything will be ok.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. I needed to vent

Jason

Pookiesguy

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Re: Need a reset botton
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2012, 10:50:32 PM »
Ramble and vent all you wan't, we're all there for you. Just my 2 cents worth I am going through some strained times with my step daughters right now too. What I decided to do was handle both relationships individually. They argue between each other often and after trying to become mediator I found out I can't fix their relationship, only mine with each one. Help them where you can, but don't forget to take care of you too. Take time for whats important to you, just like the lessons you probably had to learn on your own when you were younger, they will also figure out theirs.
 Again just my 2 cents worth.
                     
                                  Best of luck,

                                      Mark

rayinsc

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Re: Need a reset button
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2012, 08:31:33 AM »
Jason,
What happened between you and the young woman, was not a grief thing.  Well, perhaps grief did cloud your judgment, then again perhaps not.

Your son's girl friend has forgotten that she is a quest in your home.  Were it not for her relationship with your son, she would not be there.   When a person says they are moving out, they are playing on your love for them.  This is often done by children, your children, not a guest, and it is self serving.

The girl friend is you son's problem, not really yours.  It is he who needs to have a conversation with the young woman's attitude, not you.  Also, keep in mind, as the young woman should do as well, that a girl friend is not a commitment by the son.  For a young man, girl fiends come and go, and his current relationship is not necessarily going to be a lasting one.

The only issue I see you having is what will occur when your son goes off to college.  Is the girl friend following or staying with you?  You need to give this a lot of thought, and again, your son needs to be involved.

I know this is all hard for you, and would be a lot easier if your wife were still around, but with some introspection, I believe you will find a solution.  After all, you knew your wife well, and deep down, you know what she would have had to say.

Jason, you are a good man and do not need to deal with an 18 year old and hamsters.

You have a son who needs help getting off to college.  It is a time, as you have said, your wife would have enjoyed.  It is a time that now you have to enjoy for you both.  Not an easy thing to do, but I believe you will find a way.
Ray in Santa Cruz

jasonkl

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Re: Need a reset botton
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2012, 05:57:42 AM »
Ray and Mark

Thank you for the advise and understanding. I was not in a really good place that night.. I was just trying to get myself together for what I knew was going to be a very hard day on Sunday. We have talked it out for the most part.  Ray she will be staying with us while he is in collage. He is to live at home and take the train to the city every day. Its only about a 20 minute train ride and he can get a monthly pass which is much less than to live on or near campus.

My wife this girl like she was her own daughter, which is where most of my conflicts come from. I know my wife would have said yes to anything she wanted.  My wife always wanted to have more kids, but was unable to carry to term. Over the years she had many miscarriages, it took a long time for her to stop trying to have another child.

Thank you again

Jason