Reintroducing Ourselves

[browneyedgirl]

With a lot of new members, we at  Webhealing thought it would be nice if we would reintroduce ourselves and let others know why we're here and  how we've been doing regarding our losses, and anything at all that we're comfortable sharing.

My name is Pam and I "orginated" on the Sibling Loss Board.  

I lost my older brother, Tony, on March 29, 2009.  He died of an accidental pill overdose.  He leaves behind an 8 year old son (at the time), that my mother is rasing now, as my nephew's mother passed away 1.5 years prior to my brother.

My life has changed a lot, but I guess that also happens with time.  I continue to be confused with my feelings that have come to the surface when Tony died.  Webhealing has helped me know that I am not alone, and I am not crazy.....

Love to all.

[gaberax]

My name is Bob.  I lost my wife, Denise, of 16 years on July 15, 2011 to spindle cell sarcoma.  It was quick and unexpected.  It has been a tough 8 months, many downs and few ups.  I have been devastated.  I miss Denise and the life we shared so very much.

I was lucky to find this web site and have made some wonderful, caring friends.  I also attended and made friends at two local GriefShare groups.  I am amazed how the feelings and thoughts of folks here mimic my own.  It is comforting to know that I haven't yet gone crazy.

I recently bought a condo and moved in (with unexpected insurance money that Denise had left me.)  The transition has been physically and emotionally draining.

This is a great place to talk with people who truly understand what I am going through, who offer encouragement and support.

[arthur]

My name is arthur..I lost my wife Maureen on 041411 due to a major heart attack.  Although Maureen suffered Spinal Muscular Atrophy(a form of Muscular Dystrophy) most of her life, the heart attack was totally unrelated to her condition It has been 11 months since she died. My life has been turned upside down.
These 11months have been amongst the worst of my life.  I still cry everyday for my dear Maureen.
     
     I am recovering from Maureen's death. I have started my new life without Maureen.  I have recently begun meeting new people again, and I am working out alot at the gym.  I have attended multiple grief groups and I still go to see a therapist. This forum has aided my healing greatly. The people are real and their suffering is tragic like my own.  I am still trying to deal with my grief which was complicated by my being a caregiver for my wife as well as her husband.  I still feel alone and I get sick to death of coming home to the house where my wife had her heart attack in, but coming to this forum sure helps alot:))     

[sonya]

Hi my name is Sonya. I lost the love of my life Tone on 23rd August 2011. He was 38. I was in a different country at the time. I know now that he had developed early stage Huntington's. He was so scared of it that he could not continue to live. I still cannot say the word.

I still struggle to accept that he is really gone. I miss him so much. I am not the same person as I was before and am slowly getting to learn who this new Sonya is. With the fantastic support of the people on this site I am sharing my ups and downs and the feedback let's me know that this confusion of emotions is normal. I have lost other people before but have never felt like this. I know now what grieving really is. I never imagined it would be such a physical experience. I am learning to ride the bad days and be grateful for moments when I smile.

Tone was the best person that I have ever met. Gentle, kind, always supportive. We can never remember him saying that' a bad idea. He made me laugh so easily and frequently. Oh, and he was absolutely  gorgeous of course! I wish you could have met him.

[angie]

Hi everyone
My name is Angie and on 12 November 2011 my husband Davie died suddenly n unexpectedly of cardiac arrest.He was fine n then  gone.I kinda wish i had died too.Sometimes we  dont no what we've got til its gone.He was my world.my best friend n probably the only person in the world who actually got me.He always made me laugh always stood by me.God i  miss him.Everyday at some point i realise he is gone and its forever and its like getting hit by a train and i hate it.We have 4 kids(8/9/12/14)all boys n i wish he was here to see them grow up.
I always called Davie "big man" That made him smile
He had the cheekiest smile n a very naughty laugh.Remembering that makes me smile

I MISS YOU BIG MAN LOVE YOU LOTS XXXXXXXXXX

Angie

[jasonkl]

Hi

My name is Jason, I lost my my suddenly on August 19,2011. She was 35 years old. Some time around midnight I walk into our bedroom to go to bed and found that she was here no more. To date the only explanation I have for her loss is accidental drug intoxication. In other words the doctors don't know or understand what happened. My wife was hurt 3 years ago at work and developed an debilitating nerve disorder called RSD. This disorder cause your nerves to send pain signals to your brain even after the injury has healed, as time passes it starts to spread through out your body and I found out that is is just not external systems it affects. This disorder can shut down or cause organs not to function or not to function right. There is no way to know what systems it will attack.

She was my world, I was not only her husband, but her caregiver as well. We have an 18 year old son who is to graduate high school in June. I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. Currently seeing a therapist to learn to control this disorder.

It has been seven months and I am starting to learn to live again. This site and other friends I have meet along the way has help more that I can ever put into words.

Jason

[stampingwidow]

Hello, my name is Ann, my husband of 44 years, died December 10, 2011.  Although my husband had health problems, his death was unexpected.  Both the cardiologist and pulmonologist had given him a clean bill of health yet he died of cardiac-pulmonary failure.  He had end stage renal failure for almost 12 years but did have a kidney transplant for nine.  At the time of death he had been back on dialysis for 4 1/2 years.  We had been assured he would soon receive another kidney transplant.  We were somewhat mutual care givers. as I have several physical problems.  We were an extremely close couple.  We did most things together.  We were best friends.  We each supported the other one.  The loss of that support makes things emotionally & physically difficult.  We did not have much of a social life except for  some Church activities.  We were very content to be just with each other & with our family.  WE have a daughter who lives in a near by town.  Our son lives 14 hours away.  There are people that care about me but I have problems receiving help and have been isolating myself.  I forget to eat.  It is noon and I have not eaten my breakfast.  I am not eating the right foods, much of the time.  I am rather frozen, unable to do things, happy to hide away reading books or staying on-line.  I know what to do, I just have a hard time functioning right now.  Some nights I wake up and cannot go back to sleep.  I suspect that is do to not enough physical activity.  It is difficult for me to walk with torn tendons in both feet and back problems.  My dog has been a big help but now I feel like she is getting depressed and reclusive too.  She wants to be with me and does not like being out side.  She knows I am hurting.

[hixguy]

My name in Andy.  Roberta and I had been best friends for 40 years, lived together the past 30.  Sept 5,2011 she lost her balance and fell, hitting her head on our coffee table.  Went to the hospital by ambulance, seemed OK all day.  Kept her for observation overnight. I expected her to come home the next morning.  Things went bad overnight, her brain swelled, and became a totally different person.  Lost control of her arms and legs, bowels, etc.  Didnt know me or where she was, city we lived in, anyone or any past.  So sad and terrible to see that.  Her memory returned a bit and Dr said she may live that way for another 5 to 10 years.  Make preparations for her to come home Oct 12.....got rid of our living room furniture to make room for a hospital bed, wheelchair, a lift to get her out of bed.  The hospital staff were not helpful, so I went every morning at 7 am and stayed until 8 pm.......bath, feed, change diapers and hold her hand.  On Oct 9th, I had lots of work to do at our apartment to make room for the supplies being delivered, and decided to leave at 6pm.  But she had not been well all day, never ate or said a word,  I knew something was wrong, hoped just one really bad day.  Should have stayed knowing what I saw all day, but left anyways to get things ready for the 12th.  An hour later, the hospital phoned.  She had died.  I couldnt believe it.  I should have gone with my gut feeling, and stayed.  If I had stayed until 8 pm as I did for 35 days, I would have been there, holding her hand and hugging her.  She would have known I was there and cared about her right to her last breath.

I failed her in two major ways.  I was only a couple feet away when she fell.  I should have reacted, dropped the dishes, and grabbed her arm.  I could have prevented her fall, but I didnt .  I have relived this thousands of times in my head. I know I could have prevented the accident.   Secondly, she always said she hoped she would not die being alone.  The first night I left eary, she died, and was all alone.  I let her down in her two greatest times of need.  I failed her badly, and I will never forgive myself.  She would still be here with me, alive and well if I had reached out to her.

We had no children or friends, just stuck to ourselves, but very happy that way all those years.

Andy

[roseygirl61]

Hi,
My name is Rose and this is my story...Monday May 23, 2011 I took my son to school, went to work. Bill was suposed to pick Matt up at school, he had a half day and they were going for lunch and to play golf, only he didn't show up.  Matt called me at work to tell me he wasn't there and the bus left already and he wasn't answering the phone.... I of course knew something was terribly wrong.  I picked Matt up from school and he wanted to go to his friends house, thank God!!  I went home to find him slumped over in his recliner in the family room, he had a heart attack and life as I knew it was over. I feel empty and so alone.  I know life is supposed to go on, I have lost both parents and three brothers, so I know about grief, but this is so different for me, it has been almost 10 long months and I am still wearing my wedding ring.
In the beginning my family and friends were with me all the time, but I knew they would have to go on with their own lives.
My son is 16 now and had a difficult time adjusting, I took him to 5 different counselors before I could find someone he clicked with, it's hard to find someone to work with teenagers as I have unfortunately found out.  he is doing much better now, once we got passed the Holidays and the first of so many dates, I know it will get easier, but I don't see the light at the end of that tunnel yet.
Sorry any of us have to be on this journey for it is a long hard road, but being in this forum has helped even though I don't post too much I find myself coming back if just to read through some of the posts.
Hope all have a peaceful day!
Rose

[futbllwmn]

My name is Joyce and I lost my 56 year old husband 06.03.08 due to a blood clot to his heart.  I have been coming here since August 2008.  I don't post alot but I read the posts of others who have lost their spouses/SO.  It has helped me so much to read about their thoughts and emotions.  It seems I take one step forward and then three steps back.  I can truly say I haven't had a happy day since the day Ron died.  I did try group therapy but it didn't work out for me.  I struggle every day.  Some say it gets better but it hasn't for me yet.  But there's always hope, right?  I wish all of us peace.

Joyce