Arthur,
I can relate. Your words bounced off the screen at me. I, too have had a difficult time with sleeping as I was up all night long and usually and like you, at around the same times. I was always checking on Dad as he also had sleep apnea and I kept a monitor on my night stand and listened to him breathe all night. When he would stop, I would run into his room and sit him up or turn him on his side and he would start again to breathe normally.
As you know, Dad just died the 18th of December and it's just been the last two weeks that I have settled in to a good, healthy sleep schedule. Remember that we had a lot of energy and at certain times of the night due to the care we were giving our loved ones. When they died and we no longer were expending this energy at these set times every night, our biological clock being so out of whack, needed serious adjustments.
I am not certain whether my insomnia is not due to caregiving for my wife late at night.
What typically happens after I wake up at 3-4-5 am is I get up and do some chores, and depending on the time, go into my morning exercise routine. After that and a shower I eat breakfast, and then the endorphines from the exercise wear off, and then I feel like a zombie, and it isn't even time for me to go back to work yet.
I've been stuck in this rut and now because I had to call in sick just to get a few extra hours of sleep, I am in trouble at work. I am applying for fmla for this and the depression. Any suggestions would be great.
I was actually getting very sick, Arthur and knew I had to make serious changes and fast. I can only share with you how I did this and why I am now doing well, and sleeping peacefully. I hope it helps you.
1) I started getting up at 9AM every morning and stay physical all day long.
(Now, this was hard because I was grieving hard. Crying a lot. Pacing. Sitting for long periods in one place, unable to move, at times. So, it took an enormous amount of discipline on my part and I wasn't sure if I could even accomplish this, but knew at that point I had no choice. I had to give it my all and not think about it too much. I did like NIKE...I just did it!)
2) I eat healthy meals and at the same time everyday.
(When I was caring for my Dad, I ate when I had the chance to eat. I had no schedule. Toward the end, my sugar was dropping weekly as I would forget to eat as (we both know) that time runs away from us when we're caring for someone and very busy. I have one cup of coffee when I get up. I eat fruit around lunch time. For dinner, I have a big salad and usually add either broiled chicken, salmon or something I enjoy.
3) I go to bed at the same time every night, usually around 1-1:30.
(I am now getting 7 hours of good, uninterrupted sleep. I feel good when I wake up and not just because I sleep good but because I know what my day will hold, more or less. It's a new sense of security, stability in my daily routine. Routine wraps around us like a blanket of security. Routine and rut are two different things. I stay well aware to assure I will not fall into a rut.)
I felt the need to share this with you as it's really helping me. Geting me back on track and feeling really good again. Most importantly, as I am still grieving is to sure I am not staying *too* busy that I am going off track in regards to my grieving. I take the time I need throughout my day and do the same things I was doing the first 8 weeks and that is talking to Dad, writing to him, sharing about Dad with a hospice volunteer that calls me daily....basically taking care of my emotional needs, the best I can.
I went through something similar with my husband as he was bed bound the last months of his life. So, I had Dad and my husband at the same time so I really had my hands full. My poor men, bless their hearts were having such a hard time. After my husband died, if my Dad saw me cry it would upset him so I would have to wait until he either took a nap or was eating. See, my Dad didn't even know my husband died. He didn't know anyone else was in the house, due to his Alzheimer's. That was also a very difficult time.
Maybe try first, writing down what you feel would help you at this time. A healthy schedule. I know you work outside your home (I work at home) but you can still arrange a healthy and workable schedule. Because when we're run down, sick physically and at the same time, grieving well, this is not a good combination.
Something else you mentioned regarding your 'grieving well' and being able to sleep and visa versa; Maybe try and do this 3 or 4 hours before you know you're going to sleep; to enter into a peaceful activity and one that doesn't involve feeling stress and this will ease you into a good sleep pattern. When we have too much on our minds and too soon before sleep, it doesn't make for a good nights sleep. Not even close. I have been watching these goofy comedies, something I don't like ordinarily but they make me laugh until I cry and that, in itself is tiring. And, I go to sleep with a smile on my face. (It can't hurt, right?)
I'm not a doctor and won't even consider offering medical advice but will offer what is factual and that is that depression and deep sadness are two completely different things. Now, grieving over a long period of time can actually cause depression but too many doctors want to put someone who is grieving, and too quickly on anti-depressants. I heard that shared 1000 times. Sometimes, certain meds will actually prevent us from feeling what we need to feel, which is vital when grieving. Just food for thought and maybe discuss this with another doctor. One who is willing to hear your feelings. They ARE out there. I'm not aware of your situation but needed to share that with you. You may very well need this medication but then again, you may not. Also, monthly blood work is important to ensure the levels are balanced when taking an anti-depressant.
I've been where you are, Arthur. I AM where you are and it takes work everyday to keep myself on the straight and narrow as it's very easy to slip back into my old patterns of deep sadness, where it's at least *comfortable* and takes no work on my part to sit like a zombie all day, but this is not the life I want to live.
The peace I feel, along with just feeling so much better is picturing my Dad, smiling on me, saying, "It's about time, honey. That's my girl."
Holding you close and know that I understand and sure wish I could do more but I hope something I shared will maybe help you.
((((((((((Arthur)))))))))
You have my love,
Terry