Author Topic: Doctor  (Read 7986 times)

helene

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Doctor
« on: February 21, 2012, 01:15:20 PM »
I've got a doctor's appointment first thing tomorrow morning and then one with another doctor next week about my recent 'hospital fiasco'. They're 'on to' me now and I don't want to talk about 'it'. I don't want to 'go there'. It's done. It's over. I'm fine. See? I'm fine. I go to work. I made a loaf of bread on the weekend and visited my mother-in-law. I'm all over the place here at Webhealing. Why should I talk to these people? They always say the same thing and how is a person supposed to explain everything in a one hour session anyway? "I'll be good doctor. I PROMISE! Cross my heart and hope to......, sardonically yours, Helene.


Helene & Lesley

jasonkl

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2012, 09:58:57 AM »
Helene

I don't know these doctors you have to see, I know what you mean about not being able to get it all out in one hour. I have meet my dotors in my life some were good some were teriable. I try every hard not to judge any of them until I have talked with them. Give them a chance they may be able to help.. You never know.

Jason

browneyedgirl

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2012, 11:36:16 AM »
(((helene)))

Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

helene

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2012, 01:53:20 PM »
What I hate the most about all this is when my husband asks me after my appointments: "Well, what did you talk about?" and my inevitable response is: "Oh...this and that. " which has irked him to the point of finally saying (a week or so ago now) to me: You can tell all of THEM - those doctors - what's going on with you but you never tell ME anything and I'm your husband!" He had/has a point, doesn't he. While I, on the other hand, seem unable to make 'my point' - whatever that is.

Love,
Helene.


Helene & Lesley

Terry

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2012, 02:19:21 PM »
I've got a doctor's appointment first thing tomorrow morning and then one with another doctor next week about my recent 'hospital fiasco'. They're 'on to' me now and I don't want to talk about 'it'. I don't want to 'go there'. It's done. It's over. I'm fine. See? I'm fine. I go to work. I made a loaf of bread on the weekend and visited my mother-in-law. I'm all over the place here at Webhealing. Why should I talk to these people? They always say the same thing and how is a person supposed to explain everything in a one hour session anyway? "I'll be good doctor. I PROMISE! Cross my heart and hope to......, sardonically yours, Helene.

I'm glad that you're going to keep your appointment as you 'promised' to follow-up after your last crisis. Just hear them out and let them hear 'you' out because that's what it's all about. I can sense your obvious hesitancy in showing up and true, that nothing can be accomplished in an hours time, but that's not the reason for the visit. It's important, my friend that you talk about 'it' and all that 'it' entails.

Use them as a sounding board. Use us as a sounding board. The only way we can begin to feel like we're going to be able to survive what we're struggling with is to get it out of our systems, little by little. I commend you, as it takes courage to share as openly as you have been and it's going to benefit you in the long run.

I read all of your posts and you've touched on things, within me that I didn't even know I was having an issue with, so I have to thank you.

Please let us know, if you feel like sharing how your appointment went.

You have my love and my support,
Terry

Terry

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2012, 02:29:33 PM »
What I hate the most about all this is when my husband asks me after my appointments: "Well, what did you talk about?" and my inevitable response is: "Oh...this and that. " which has irked him to the point of finally saying (a week or so ago now) to me: You can tell all of THEM - those doctors - what's going on with you but you never tell ME anything and I'm your husband!" He had/has a point, doesn't he. While I, on the other hand, seem unable to make 'my point' - whatever that is.

Love,
Helene.

I won't pretend to have any answers or even offer you any relationship advice, as I am not in one. And, only 'you' know your husband but what would it hurt to share with him some (maybe not all) of the feelings you share in therapy? It sounds as if he really wants to be a part of your life with these struggles you're having.
Maybe not making a point is the issue. Maybe one doesn't have to be made. I don't know, just throwing some things out there.

I would assume, and I may be wrong but when someone is interested enough, concerned enough to want to know how things are going for you, maybe they deserve an answer. I can understand not wanting to divulge all of the intimate details that you share privately as you may fear his reaction, but instead of a full meal maybe you could throw him a bone?

Tell me how you feel, Helene and how far off I am with these suggestions. I know you have no problem speaking your mind!! :)

Hold on, gf...always here for you, with so much love!

sevenofwands

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2012, 02:49:11 PM »
Hello Helene. All this is a rough road for you.

Perhaps on some occasions your husband might be permitted to sit in on one or two (or part thereof) of your sessions with the doctor?

My view is (and it may difer from others, I understand) is that what transpires between a patient and his/her doctor is private.  The doctor is an objective third-party, and furthermore a professional.  That is why you can talk to them freely without apprehension of being misunderstood. 

Many years ago an excellent and seasoned therapist remarked to me: " No spouse is supposed to be the other spouse's therapist".  It makes a lot of sense.

Only you can decide what to say to your husband. 

All the best with everything. 

Seven

helene

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2012, 02:56:05 PM »
Dear Seven

Have run out of time today. Thank you. Will read more tomorrow and respond.

Thank you from the bottom and all of my heart to you all.

with love,

Helene.


Helene & Lesley

jasonkl

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2012, 06:56:34 AM »
Helene
I have to agree with what has already been said. I do not what to pretend to know anything about your relationship or your husbands intentions. I can tell you how fustarting it can be when you know the one you love is hurting and you don't know how or what to do to help. I know for me when ever my wife went to a doctors appointment and I was not allowed back with her I felt left out and insecure. Just a different point of view for you. Only you know what is best for you to share or not share with him. Hope this helps

Jason

helene

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2012, 07:26:41 AM »
Hello Jason, Seven, Terry,

Thank you for all your advice, which is very good advice regarding my husband. There are several reasons why I don't want to tell him much. I don't want to be judged by him for not being 'over' my grief for Lesley's loss. He has said before that I dwell on 'things' too much to the point of making myself ill. That's true and not true. The other reason is that I have a lot of anger inside me regarding the time my husband suddenly left early one January to live with his relatives who live thousands of miles away from us. My husband gave me no indication when or if he would return. The weeks and then months went by. First January, February, March and he finally deigned to return near the end of April. Meanwhile I was left to hold down my job, oversee our house, deal with emergencies etc on my own. I felt his leaving was my fault and it was I who phoned him every week, not the other way around. Never again will I ever feel guilty about my life or who I am again and if he ever tries to pull a stunt like that again I'll divorce him! So you see I have some anger going on here. I don't want to try to talk with a therapist with my husband sitting there vetting and judging every word I say. I understand that helpless feeling one has when one's spouse does not communicate. I had an entire winter of that. Sometimes it is difficult to forgive. Never did he ever apologize or give me any explanation although he has told me many times that I have been a burden in his life. My conclusion here is that if a spouse is that discontent with the other then one should leave for good. Don't leave one's spouse hanging. I will never hang for anyone again. Ever.

Thank you for listening.

Helene.


Helene & Lesley

helene

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2012, 01:53:47 PM »
Ok. So I'm not trying to beat up on my husband. Ok?! Ok. I love him dearly. He's all I've got. HOWEVER.... I will NOT EVER BE ABANDONED LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN. If he is to leave then it must be for good. None of this stringing me along. Conditional 'love'. Etc. Etc. I've put in my 'time' on this job. He hasn't worked for anyone else for over ten years now. He's a landlord and oversees maintenance on our two small properties.

Ours has been a very peculiar relationship. (Aren't they all, some may say.) Both of us from very broken family and saddled with much baggage. It's 'complicated'. Isn't it always.

H.


Helene & Lesley

jasonkl

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2012, 09:43:42 AM »
Helene
My reply was how I felt. Would never judge anyone else's marriage. We had are problems as you said don't we all. I guess you could say I am a dreamer. Always believed in the happaly ever after, always think people will do the right thing if given the choose. People prove me wrong all the time. But places like this keep those hopes alive. I hope you are put into the position that you have to make that decision.

Jason

helene

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2012, 10:14:44 AM »
Thank you Jason,

It takes guts to offer any kind of thoughts or opinions regarding someone else's relationship and I commend you for that. I do love my husband. We've been married for over 20 years. No children. Two cats. I just find that some things that he has done are hard - difficult - for me to forgive him for. Especially when he has never talked to me about that winter. 'It' remains an unspoken 'thing' between us and there are others. But we wouldn't be human otherwise, would we! I know that if he was on this forum he'd have a few things to say about me!

I will try to throw him some bones. My recent doctor's appointment was only an introduction to two more intense ones that will take place this coming Monday and then the following Monday. That is when they will start getting into the nitty gritty with me.

With love,

Helene.


Helene & Lesley

Terry

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2012, 09:28:44 PM »

Thanks for sharing this, Helene. Only you know what you can or canNOT share with your husband and every time you share more here, we get a clearer picture of how complex this relationship, also is.

No one needs to feel abandonment issues. That alone has to intensify your pain/grief. I'm so sorry.

Keep sharing. We'll keep listening.

Love you, gf,
Terry

helene

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Re: Doctor
« Reply #14 on: February 27, 2012, 09:20:17 AM »
Thank you Terry! Your love and support means the world to me! I have no-one to talk to in my town - except for a new therapist every second of third week. My husband is tried of 'it' all and has his own baggage from his past and this stuff - the story of Lesley, myself, and ultimately two other siblings - is very heavy stuff. This is very difficult for me to share. As you already probably realize, this involves childhood abuse. If it is better that I do not write any more of this here I totally understand. If, on the other hand, it is ok that I do, then the tragedy of Lesley and what caused her death, and also of my own suffering, will be better understood. But I completely understand if this is not appropriate here.

Love from Helene.


Helene & Lesley