Author Topic: New to this dark tear raining road  (Read 10224 times)

moonslammin

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New to this dark tear raining road
« on: February 18, 2012, 06:42:20 PM »
15 days ago I got on this very dark tear raining road. My husband Dan had been in hospital for 10 weeks with cancer and 3 kinds of pneumonia, and waiting on stem cell transplant, when suddenly things went wrong. There wasnt anything the docs could do. For the most part of the last 2 weeks I haven't been left alone, but now everyone is starting to get on with their own lives. I found this site during the first few days, and reading what all of you have posted has helped some. Every chance I got to be alone I came here first to see if there was any new advice. Thanks for the help. and thank you in advance for all the help in the future. We been married and best friends for 34 years.
Totally lost ..... Donna
Donna

If Tears Could Build a Stairway, And Memories A Lane, I'd Walk Right Up to Heaven And Bring You Home Again

Zylen

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2012, 07:10:29 PM »
Hi Donna,

So sorry for your loss. My wife had passed 8 months ago due to the treatment for cancer.

There are a lot of great people here that are more than willing to help and listen.

(((((((((((((Donna))))))))))))

moonslammin

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2012, 07:25:27 PM »
Thanks! yes i've noticed, as much as we feel alone,, on this site it seems like theres always some to the rescue. Sorry about your wife. I can't imagine being 8 months down, Hope you are doing good.

Donna

(((((((((Zylen)))))))
Donna

If Tears Could Build a Stairway, And Memories A Lane, I'd Walk Right Up to Heaven And Bring You Home Again

DaveB

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2012, 08:25:44 PM »
Hi Donna--

I'm so sorry for you. It is a dark and bumpy road, for sure.

I lost my wife a year and almost three months ago. Doesn't seem that long ago. She had a double lung transplant in 2001, and did pretty well for nine and a half years. The last year she started with chronic rejection and went downhill pretty fast though.

Hope you can find some peace and comfort here.

jasonkl

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2012, 08:36:24 PM »
Hi Donna
Glad you found us sorry you had too. I lost my wife suddenly 6 months ago tonight. This a dark road. You don't have to travel alone. Tells more about your husband when you feel up to.

Jason

moonslammin

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2012, 08:45:08 PM »
Thanks Dave, she beautiful. Thanks to you too Jason,,, Dan died from a complication that was diagnosed that morning. Making it thru this last 2 weeks is a big accomplishment, not only did i have to deal with his death, but a granddaughters birthday, then Dan's birthday and the next day the funeral, and to top it off,, yesterday was daughters Angel date.

((((Dave)))))   ((((Jason))))

Donna
Donna

If Tears Could Build a Stairway, And Memories A Lane, I'd Walk Right Up to Heaven And Bring You Home Again

angie

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2012, 02:19:27 AM »
(((((((((((((((((( DONNA )))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your losses.The last few weeks must have been hellish for you.Glad you have found this site  but again sorry you need it.
My Davie died suddenly 3 months ago .I still find it difficult to understand how other people can just go back to getting on with their lives.At first they were phoning visiting every day.I havent heard from anyone since just after new year.I use this site all the time at least the people here are here for me.Post whenever you feel like it.It helps.

Thinking of you

HUGE HUGS
Love
Angie
XXXXX

MyLou

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2012, 04:56:11 AM »
((((((((((((((( DONNA )))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss of your husband and daughter.

I loss My Lou suddenly it will be 15 mths on the 22nd. 

This sure is one dark and hard journey. Please take one sec, minute, hour at a time whatever it takes. 

I am glad you found us.  We are all here for you and each other.

Hugs,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Spring2012

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2012, 09:37:21 AM »
So sorry for the loss of your husband Dan -- I lost my husband of 48 years a month ago last Friday. He wasn't well -- a failing liver from arthritis meds -- then in the hospital they managed to perforate his bowel while doing a test. He survived the bowel surgery but never woke up -- all his systems began to fail and he passed away quietly a week after the surgery. I am on my own -- my children and grandchildren are 100 miles away -- and because I have been his sole caregiver for many years I am definitely finding time heavy on my hands. I try every day to count my blessings but it is a very different life. I miss him -- I don't miss the pain and confusion he suffered -- I try to let my mind and memories go back to when he was well and embrace those good times. Take care and you are in my thoughts --
Good-night ! good-night !
As we so oft have said
Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days that are no more, and shall no more return.
Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed;
I stay a little longer, as one stays
To cover up the embers that still burn.

moonslammin

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2012, 04:45:04 AM »
(((((hugs))))) to ya all !!!

I'm glad I found this site, and just like the rest of you wish I didnt have to, but gratefull it's here.  I have lots of time on my hands now too, we had been fighting this time with the cancer for 2 yrs, and I being disabled due to dgenerative disc disease, having to quit working 9 yrs ago, but this week I'm getting back to watching our granddaughter so that will help. She always seems to kno when i need a hug, or maybe it's her that needs the hug, at 6 yrs old she doing pretty good at handling this, until it comes to something Grandpa always did with her or fixed her toy. Some sunshine will come to our lives in June when we expecting her little sister, so that will keep both of us busy, and her mom who isnt handling losing her dad very well at all.

Thinking I should buy stock in PUFFS.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2012, 04:47:51 AM by moonslammin »
Donna

If Tears Could Build a Stairway, And Memories A Lane, I'd Walk Right Up to Heaven And Bring You Home Again

roseygirl61

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2012, 05:47:34 AM »
Donna,

Sorry for your loss, and yes it is a long hard journey that most of us have to do on our own unfortunately.  I lost my husband Bill suddenly almost 9 months ago.  In the beginning no one would leave me alone for a second but as the weeks and months pass they move on with their lives, me not so much.  Every day is a struggle just to function, some days I don't even want to get out of bed.  I have a son Matt who just turned 16 in November, if nit for him I don't know what I would have done.  Remember to rest when you can, even if your not sleeping, just resting and take care of yourself as best you can.  The first dates of EVERYTHING are very emotional and trying, and from I have seen and read the second and third too.
It's good that your taking care of your granddaughter, it will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Thanks for the joke on the Puffs stock, made me laugh! :)
Take care and always know this site is a wonderful place to be, even though I wish none of us had to be here.

Rose

stampingwidow

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2012, 08:43:53 AM »
Donna, this site is a good place to be.  The people here understand what you are going through.  My husband of 44 years died Dec. 10th.  He had not been well for many years but had led a fulfilling life in-spite of kidney failure, a failed kidney transplant & dialysis.  His death was a shock although when I look back it makes me realize he was declining more rapidly than I realized.  In the beginning I was surrounded by loving , caring people but like you, they have gone back to their own lives.   Some days I just want to stay in bed or immerse my self in reading a book.  I need to be working on settling his estate.  I should be doing more to maintain our home.  I do a minimum.  I envy the people that feel they can talk to their loved one or get comfort from writing them letters or talking to their pictures.  To me he is totally gone.  I feel no connection to him since he died.  Looking at his picture makes me sob.  I miss him so much.

I went to a short term (6 week) support group, but while it helped, it is not enough.  Most of the women that attended came with a widowed friend.  That made it difficult to establish any friendships as they each had that need fulfilled.  I was the only one that did not live near to the meeting site.  I drove 40 minutes to get there.  They drove about 5 minutes.  We have arranged a social gathering at a restaurant in 6 weeks so we will have a little more contact.  I live in a rural area and there are not any other Grief support groups near by so I have turned to this site.  I wish I could give you advice but at this point I am still floundering myself.   If there is a Grief Support Group in your area, you might get some help there.  Your local Information & Referral Agency should be able to refer you to what is available.  It is helpful to talk with a group of people that are going through this process.  At this point all we can do  is take each day as it comes. 

browneyedgirl

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2012, 09:04:38 AM »
Dear Donna ~

Welcome.  I can't add much to more to what everyone has already posted, but you see that there are many people here who care and understand.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.  Please come back soon and let us know how you're doing. We are like a family here.

(((((Everyone)))))

By the time I got done reading this thread, I could not see through my tears, even though I know all too well all of your losses.  My heart goes out to each one of you....

lots of love.
Pam
« Last Edit: February 20, 2012, 12:01:22 PM by browneyedgirl »
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gaberax

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2012, 07:19:39 AM »
Moonslammin, I am sorry for your loss.  It is a dark road.  My wife died of cancer in July 2012. I have been on it for over 7 months and don't see any light at all. Just plodding along blindly.  Crying all the time.  I hope you find peace and support.  God bless.

sonya

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Re: New to this dark tear raining road
« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2012, 12:33:46 PM »
Dear Donna,

I am so sorry for your losses. Again, all I can do is reiterate the help, support and comforth that the wonderful people on this site bring to me. You are very welcome here and will be lovely to hear more about Dan and your daughter whenever you are ready to share.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((Donna))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy