Melody,
I know how you feel too. After my dad passed away, my mom and I had a couple of bad moments. I guess one thing I have learned is that no one can tell you how to grieve and I completely agree with Terry, grief is our own. My mom, especially in the beginning, would only talk about the bad things about my dad. Most of these memories were from their early years of marriage, (they had been married for 48 years), and being the youngest of four children, I was not alive to see the rough years. Logically, I understand that my mom needed/needs to vent, but as a daughter and in my heart, I do not like to hear about the bad things my dad did. One time I was venting about this to another relative, and her response was "maybe it's because your dad wasn't as perfect as you guys think he was." I could not even respond. I know my dad wasn't perfect, no one is, but I sure hope that when I pass, my family remembers the good over the bad! It has been a little over 2 years now, and I don't talk to my mom anymore about sad days, and she hasn't been bringing up things he did 40+ years ago (to me anyway) so I think we may be through that stage, but I also feel like I have put up a guard with her. The first Spring after my dad died, I felt like I was receiving all kinds of "signs" from him, and would be excited and share these with her. She asked me why I was the only one receiving them...I told her I was the only one listening! It's still kind of like that today too, only now she just kind of shoots down my "signs' by telling me it probably is not a sign, so I try not to share this with her either. That adds to my sadness at times, because I feel like since she is my mom, she should be understanding of my feelings too, but that's when I try to remind myself, she is grieving too, but oh so very differently....I understand completely!!!!! (((Melody)))
Thinking of you and hope I could help in some way!
ldm