Author Topic: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction  (Read 24965 times)

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #15 on: February 21, 2012, 08:12:13 AM »

That is original, Doug!! :) And, a first, for me.

I think that 'we' can speak ill of our dead, but no one else can. How else can we heal and move forward? Life's too short to hold in all of those toxic secrets!

Thanks for sharing this story!

Love,
Terry

helene

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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #16 on: February 29, 2012, 11:09:58 AM »
Hey Doug,

I also found your story about the Baptist Minister's Eulogy regarding your mean paternal Grandfather to be very interesting. I cannot imagine what will happen when my mother dies. (She'll be 90 this coming June, but still lives in her own apartment, teaches on her own grand piano, drives her car, honks at people and tailgates, visits my younger sister's family - her 'real family' - as she called them who live 500 miles away), is church organist and choir director part-time. She says that she wants to die in an organ loft with her rigor mortis quickly setting in as she falls all over the keyboard and her feet get jamned on the organ peddles making a horrible racket for the congregation.

My half brother Daniel says that people better beware her funeral when she dies because he's going to be there and what he says will not be 'pretty' and anyone who tries to say anything nice about our mother - well - "heads will roll!" says my brother.

I don't think I'll be attending, awful as that sounds, it's true.

Helene.


Helene & Lesley

hixguy

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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #17 on: March 04, 2012, 11:04:21 AM »
Im a new member and found this site by accident.  The articles on complicated grief really hit home.  My partner of almost 30 years died in Oct as a result of an accident.  WE had no children or friends, but very happy together and didnt need others.  Very shy and quiet people and stuck to ourselves.  I have not one single person I can talk with about this.  I have contacted the two Grief Centres here about a support group, but nothing has come up yet after 4 months.  I dont think they care at all.  Very young staff at these places who have few if any life experience and probably never experienced grief.  Hope to meet up here with another retired person with similar circumstances.  I hate being alone and certainly with never be happy again.  Not suicidal, but wish I were dead as nothing to live for now, just a life of lonliness and sadness.  Just being alive is not a reason for me to be happy because I cant enjoy anything alone.  Better stop now or will turn people off.  Andy

Terry

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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2012, 10:22:41 AM »
Hi Andy,

I'm so sorry your partner has died. Welcome to Webhealing and thanks for posting and letting us know a little about yourself. Feel free to post on the Spouse/Significant other Loss Board as everyone has lost their partners and can certainly relate.

I'm glad you found us and I look forward to hearing more, when you're comfortable sharing.

Sending you hugs, support and my understanding,

((((((((((Andy))))))))))

Love,
Terry

Doug1222

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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #19 on: March 16, 2012, 09:47:42 AM »
Welcome, Andy. This is a very open place to share whatever you're feeling with no judgement.

We're happy to have you here, and I look forward to hearing more about your partner and you. Nobody here has been where you are, but many have been somewhere much like it.

Doug

sevenofwands

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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #20 on: April 18, 2012, 05:50:02 AM »


"During the grieving process, many sufferers feel numb, exhausted, disorganized, and confused, as if they were sleepwalking. If this sounds familiar, don't feel guilty about cutting yourself some slack. If at all possible, postpone other life-changing decisions until the grief has settled. Don't be reluctant to seek the help of a doctor or counselor if you are having trouble coping. In many cases, medical treatment can help you get through this. If you become clinically depressed, a doctor may feel that antidepressants are necessary as well.

Because you are suffering, make a special effort to take care of yourself. Try to eat well, get adequate sleep, and avoid turning to alcohol or drugs for relief. Stay in close contact with your doctor, and watch out for physical signs of stress and depression such as sleeplessness, loss of appetite, listlessness, confusion, and stomach trouble. If these warning signs linger, you may need professional help to cope with your grief. A counselor or hosted support group can help sort through your feelings and put your life back on track. "


http://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/article.asp?AID=646074

and

http://www.health.harvard.edu/fhg/updates/update1203b.shtml


Terry

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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #21 on: April 18, 2012, 09:55:49 AM »

Thanks, Seven for the reminder that we need to take good care of ourselves when grieving. I used to share what helped me because I became so very sick after my surviving son died. The pain, the shock of losing him ripped my soul inside out and it took a lot of strength, will power whatever one wants to call it, to get myself back on track.

Drinking plenty of water. Breathing, now that sounds strange, doesn't it but try to remember when you were deep into grieving and all of a sudden would become so dizzy and realized that you had stopped breathing. That's when I started to become aware of my breathing and have continued the practice to date. It's such a simple thing, or we believe it to be but most of us when grieving, in pain are not taking deep breaths in and out and we become dizzy, we also suffer panic attacks. But, a lot of these 'panic' attacks are caused from lack of oxygen.

Has anyone ever choked on something and started coughing and couldn't catch your breath? It's the same deprivation of oxygen but we're doing it, depriving ourselves of it, all...day...long!

They say, "Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves." Though not totally understood and even scientifically proven to be true...my Grandmother always told me this and it makes sense. Getting back to the basics. The simple things in life. The basic principle that if we are not getting the correct mixture of oxygen into our blood streams, we will become very ill, and in many ways.

Always enjoy your articles shared, Seven. I appreciate your contributions!

Love & hugs,
Terry

Terry

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Re: Part #1 - Complicated Grief-Introduction
« Reply #22 on: April 27, 2012, 10:33:43 AM »
This caught my eye in reading and wanted to share it on here. I don't know who wrote it, it was not signed. It was an exchange between a few discussing delayed grief and other issues in the mix.

Before I posted this, I was thinking about how selfish grief can be, or we can be while grieving. I can hardly fathom driving passed a wounded animal and not slowing to provide care, although I have witnessed as much. Grief can be very selfish. -Terry

_______________________________________________________________________


Selfish guilt or delayed greif?


 This all probably seems selfish and pointless in comparison to what others have experienced but I have found myself grieving more and more lately for a relationship I lost through my own doing, over 20 years ago. I know this is weird but there seems to be nothing I can do about it.

I am now happily married and have two smashing children of whom I am very proud. I am financially comfortable despite the economic situation and I have a very satisfying and challenging job.

Despite all this, I have found myself longing to contact someone I had an 18 month relationship with, over 20 years ago. I have no right to feel this way as I was the one who ended that relationship. It was not clear why back then, and time has blurred any reason for doing so. There was no one else involved. I find myself missing her so much on many levels.

I am not stupid and understand that there is no reason why this person would give me a second thought nowadays, but I really am grieving over the hole in my life that seems to be opening up for no reason. It is a real feeling of hopelessness which I find I have to give in to and let pass ..like sleeping through fog...rejection-like grief.

The worst thing is that when I get down, I cannot discuss my depresssed state with anyone as I don’t understand the reasons or the implications for this. There is nothing missing in my life that I should need to replace, and I don't fanticise over rekindling something that has been gone for such a long time, but I have lost the thread of why I ended the relationship and can’t escape from the feelings of loss and guilt…Mostly guilt.

I should be contented at this time in my life, but I can’t seem to let this go now for reasons I don’t understand...and it is getting worse.