Author Topic: Hello again  (Read 1940 times)

arthur

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Hello again
« on: January 22, 2012, 12:54:18 AM »
Hello everyone..I just wanted to say hi and to let everyone know how I was doing. I am doing well considering what has happened.  I am still going to grief counseling and an excellent griefshare group. I am going to the gym alot and have lost 50 lbs so far. I was quite overweight so I have alot more to do. I have recently started to "rejoin" the world as a single guy again and just last night went to a church social function to talk with people-couples and singles-just to get my "social legs" again. I have to admit getting used to dealing with couples who aren't friends of mine is rather difficult to do.  I found one couple last night where the husband kept saying "honey" to his wife. Granted lots of husbands say this to their wives..I was one of them. I called Maureen honey all the time; so when I heard the husband saying this to his wife I wasn't prepared for the grief"shock" I had. God how I hate being single again. I haven't started dating again..its just too difficult to do this for me now.  I find myself being drawn to Maureen's grave alot now. I miss her so much. Just knowing that I had unconditional love from her is what keeps me coming back. The holidays were  not too bad..but xmas was still a bitter time for me despite being surrounded by my loving family which I am lucky to have. I still cry alot..I still live by myself in the house where my wife died. My family checks up on me..but I am starting to feel that this house is not my home anymore..it is more like a holding cell in a prison. It is still pretty full of Maureen's stuff, full of memories of her. I have started giving her stuff away which wasn't easy to do..and that helps a little.  Amongst the things of hers I gave away is a blouse I picked out for her that she actually liked..the only one I ever picked that she liked I believe. That was hard. I started to wear my wedding ring again..I wear it all the time now.  I kiss it and say a prayer to her every day. 
I still pray and hope everyday that the grief will end and I will be happy again...it worrys me how persistent and lengthy it is.  I hope everyone is ok and I am so sorry that Terry lost her father.  Take care, arthur

sonya

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2012, 01:00:07 PM »
(((((((((((Arthur))))))))))

Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us. I found it very moving.
You seem to be moving forward and taking the small steps that you are ready to take. Going and meeting new people but not dating yet. SOunda like you are really able to listen to your needs and be gentle on yourself.
Remember to praise yourself for your achievements as well as recognising whats different.

My support and care and hugs.
Take care and keep on coming back

Son
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

Terry

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2012, 01:38:44 PM »

Arthur, ditto to what Sonya shared with you and thank you, too for thinking of me and my Dad. I feel like a zombie. So numb with pain. But, I have nothing but love in my heart for you guys. I hope you know that.

Have missed you on the board!

Hugs & Love,
Terry

gaberax

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2012, 02:13:09 PM »
Arthur,  when I read you post it is like I am reading something I would write.  I had started biking and going to the Y (that's been on hold for two months already and one more due to a medical problem and medication I am working through.)  The two Griefshare groups I had attended have finished and restarted but I haven't returned, again due to the medical issue. 

I, too, feel like the home Denise and I shared is now a prison cell.  I have purchased a condo and am slated to settle on that at the end of February.  Dreading the move but feeling that I need to, at this point.  I have a lot more of Denise's stuff to take care of. 

I cry a lot as well.   Mostly every night.  Had a spontaneous crying jag this morning just cooking breakfast.

I hate being single as well.  I rejoined eHarmony (after the initial sign up.)  I am really not expecting anything from that but I'll give it a shot.  I'd just like to meet someone I could have dinner with once a week.  No need to get emotionally involved.  The loneliness is maddening.  It has been hard to go from the kind of relationship Denise and I had to a full stop.  Nothing.  Silence.  That in itself has been a tough adjustment.

I continue to write in the two blogs I have created.  Just to get my thoughts and feelings out.

I pray every night.  Just the Lord's Prayer. That's should be enough.  And I "talk" to Denise...just to tell her how much I love and miss her.  I am really struggling with my faith...but I am trying to believe.

It is good to hear from you.  I just wanted to tell you that I am going through my own version of this grief.  It is hard and long and draining.

I wish you all the best and will be praying for you.

arthur

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2012, 10:50:39 PM »
Thanks for the responses Terry, Sonya, Gaberax. I just wanted to say that even though I didn't post for awhile..I kept looking back and seeing how everyone was doing on the spouse-loss forum.  You guys have been in the back of my mind through all of the grief I've been thru since I left. Take care all..its good to know I am not alone in my grief. -arthur

browneyedgirl

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2012, 11:32:13 AM »
(((arthur))))

Good to see you post, my friend.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

arthur

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2012, 12:57:09 AM »
Hi Pam..good to hear from you!
 Today it snowed heavily where I live, and I had to get to working a snowstorm. Knowing the highways would be parking lots due to the snow during rush hour, I took an alternate route to work. I drove through the snow, thinking how Maureen  loved the snow. At one particular turn, I remembered how at that turn, if I went in the opposite direction from which I was headed into work Maureen once had me drive her to a community center that was way back in a neighborhood that neither of us knew very well and got lost in.  The memory surprised me and I broke down while driving to work, and I had a struggle controlling myself while I got into work.  Things simmered down once I got to work, but it was a tough way to begin a monday at work.  I hope tomorrow is a better day than today.

Gaberax..I saw how you said you were moving into a new condo..I hope the move goes well. I am beginning to think about moving myself..despite maybe having to lose much of the value of my home. The emptiness and memories are wearing me down here. 

johnkmurray

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2012, 12:08:13 PM »
Arthur,

Good hearing from you again.

John

MyLou

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2012, 06:01:32 PM »
Arthur,

It's good that you are going to the gym and going out social.  I know it's so hard as now it has just 14 months on 1/22.  I promised Lou I will try to live again, but how do we live again.  I guess somehow / someway we will figure it out since they were our whole world. The love that our spouses gave us and we gave them will never die. 

I still wear my rings all the time.  I just can't part taking them off not yet anyway, not sure if I will ever be ready.  I talk to Lou all the time and send prayers to Heaven.

Glad you are back and please keep coming back

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

arthur

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Re: Hello again
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2012, 09:52:18 PM »
Hi again JohnK and Lisa. I missed you guys. Yes I agree Lisa..living life again without our spouses is like having to start all over again..but in addition we are having to go on living our lives with the burden of grief for our spouses in our hearts. Yet what are we to do? We can't just retreat from the world and isolate ourselves in our own misery..but on the other hand we can't just live as if our spouses never existed either. Its a fine balancing act, one I am not sure I am doing such a good job at.  I am sure other people look at me and have their own opinions about how I should be 9 months after my wife has died.  I do know however, that Maureen would never want me to shut myself away and cry my life away...even though I have done that.  Maureen will live on in my heart for the rest of my life..nothing is going to change that. Maybe thats why I started wearing my wedding ring again..its a part of her that I need still for myself. I am glad to be back and glad to have your support again.  take care, arthur