Author Topic: Today is Tone's Birthday  (Read 3306 times)

sonya

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Today is Tone's Birthday
« on: December 31, 2011, 05:16:19 AM »
Today is Tone's birthday.

Am sat in bed listening to his music, trying to get clear headed from too much wine last night. At least it helped me sleep.

Trying to face the day.

At least the house is empty for now.

Am trying to write a letter to him. Started it last night and started thinking about all our memories.

Tone was really funny, could make me laugh so easily. I get so stressed over stupid things and he would pull a Beaker face from the muppets as a little reminder that instantly stopped me and made me laugh at myself.

He was so good looking. The day he unexpectedly arrived at my flat for the first time and I was in ripped jeans, covered in paint decorating. I bent down on the ladder to reload my paintbrush from the pot on the window sill and there he was. This gorgeous man in a red t-shirt and levi 501s, coming up the path, all tanned and sun bleached hair. Me in a panic, shit! I look a complete mess! lol

When he was younger he had been a juggler, rode unicycles, blew big flames. Spent a season doing shows in Greece. I saw him blowing a huge flame on a beach in Thailand and got a great photo of it.

In winter he worked for a tree sugeon when he couldnt do gardens. One day he came home with a small slice of tree. He found the wood beautiful. Said he would let it dry aadn polish it up to make a plant stand. He did. Lots of his ideas never got finishd but this one did. As the days went by he starting bring more and more bits of wood home. We ended up having to move his mountain buke into the downstairs toilet to accomodate the growing woodpile in the kitchen. It got ridiculous. About a metre high and full of not only beautiful pieces, but lots of broken bits of 2 by 4, snapped bits and stuff with no possible use. Obviously I kept asking the pile to be moved, to get rid of the junk bits. No effect. Until one day when I came home from work and was delighted to see that it had all gone! Big smile on my face I went upstairs to get changed. Yes youve guessed it, the woodpile was now in the bedroom! When he came home later I asked him why he thought that was a better place. He looked genuinly suprised as he said it was on his side of the bed! lol.

He told me he loved me for the first time... and then never said it again! Days and then weeks went by. I was having lots of internal dialogue. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe he didnt mean it? Finally, i asked him. His explanation was that he had told me, therefore I knew, if things ever changed then he would tell me! I explained I could do with hearing it a little more often than that. He told me he loved me every night before we went to sleep, every phone call ( unless he was working on a building site with 'blokes', in which case I would say it to try and force him to, laughing).

He made me a cup of tea every morning, knowing that it might get cold and never be drunk but that it showed he loved me and I liked it. We held hands when we walked and he had fat little sausage fingers that didnt really match his lean little frame. He had very white 'american-style' (jok) teeth, a permenant tan from working outside, and gorgeous rich brown twinkly eyes.

We travelled lots, flew paragliders, went kite- boarding and kite-buggying, he snow boarded as I gingerly skied.

I wanted to tell you a little about the man who should be here today. About the man I love with all my heart. He should be 39 today. It was also his mum's birthday and his best friends birthday.

Today as I cry and cry and miss him and feel guilty that I could not stop him from doing what he did I also want to celebrate who he was. As I mourn the loss of all he could of been, the family that we both wanted to have, I want to remember him laughing, smiling.

I wanted to share this with you so you know who I am talking about. Hope you dont mind.

Sonya
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

jasonkl

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2011, 05:48:44 AM »
(((((((Sonya ))))))))))

Thank you for sharing your Tone with us. Hold onto those beautiful memeorys, I have found that sometimes that is one thing that can keep you sane. I can't not at this point write about my wife to much, it brings to many tears. I do have a picture that brings a smile to my face when I look at it. It was taken the first year we were married, we were on the beach, not sure who we were with or who took it. In this picture I am looking at the camera, but she is staring up at me with a look I can not put into words. It reminds me that she never cared how much money we had, where we had to live, or what anyone though of us. The only thing she evey really cared about was we were together. No matter what life put in our way she was always sure we would be ok, as long as we were together.

My thoughs are with you today.
Always,

Jason


johnkmurray

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2011, 11:06:51 AM »
(((Sonya)))

Thanks for sharing ;-)

Terry

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2011, 11:08:40 AM »

When he was younger he had been a juggler, rode unicycles, blew big flames. Spent a season doing shows in Greece. I saw him blowing a huge flame on a beach in Thailand and got a great photo of it.


This is really awesome, Sonya. This morning I got up and went into the kitchen to make coffee and was anxious to go to the board as I knew it was Tone's Birthday today and as I was grinding my coffee, I envisioned Tone doing the funniest things; riding a bike, jumping around and just laughing. There were kids all around him and they were enjoying the show he was putting on. When I came on to the board and read your post and the part about juggling and riding *unicycles* I got such a rush and just had to share this with you.

I can tell you that Tone is very happy. There is no sadness where he is. What a beautiful smile he has!

Enjoy your memories of Tone on his special day.

Much love,
Terry


sonya

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2011, 11:51:52 AM »
Thank you so much Terry! You have put a smile on my face xxx
Thank you all x

(((Terry)))
(((JohnKMurray))))
((((Jason))))
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

gaberax

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2011, 01:23:34 PM »
What a beautiful tribute to Tone, sonya.  ((((sonya))))

As promised, I offered a prayer to you and Tone this morning when I brought roses to Denise's grave.  Your description of Tone was very touching.  
« Last Edit: January 01, 2012, 06:02:43 AM by gaberax »

sonya

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2012, 06:29:23 AM »
Thank you for your prayers x
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

MyLou

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2012, 06:37:03 AM »
(((((((((((((((((((((((( SONYA )))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Thanks for you sharing


Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

sonya

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2012, 06:51:23 AM »
Yesterday I did a little memorial for Tone.

The funeral really didnt do what it was supposed to do for me.

Yesterday I went to the beach where we used to live. We would take a walk down there almost every day after work.

I bought a metal bucket, firelighters and methalated spirits.

I went through our photos, my box of memories. I wrote a letter to him expressing some of our shared happy times, some of which I shared below. I told him how much I loved him and missed him. I said how sorry I was that I could not change what had happened and asked for his forgiveness. I sent love and the hope that he would always be near.

I went to the beach and burned some of his clothes that I did not want to keep. I brought my favourite photo and talked to him. I read the letter to him and burned that too. I burned the pillow that smelled of him still and wore some of his aftershave. I said a prayer and said goodbye.

I collected the ashes and will take the to a beauty spot where he took me on our first date and numerous other times.

I cleared away the fire. Laughed that I should have brought wet wipes for my filthy blackened hands. Thought that the dog walkers must have thought I was a crazy lady weeping by a fire all alone as the sun set on New Years Eve. Thought that I really didnt care.

I wept a lot. And laughed a bit over funny memories. I felt lightened and that it was a very cathartic process. I am pleased that I did it.

I went home and raised a glass to Tone.

Maybe some of you might find something in this that you may want to do. It has helped me.

You all have helpde me a great deal/ I am so pleased that 2011 is over. Not a fan. Have just wiped all of last year's messages from my phone. I want to start anew. No more of last year. Just me and Tone close by.

(((Hugs to all)))
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

angie

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2012, 06:03:46 PM »
           Sonya
What a lovely tribute to your Tone.As for a big fire on a beach and acting like a crazy weepie lady well it sounds good to me.Definetly gonna try that one I'm almost there anyway I'm crazy,definetly weepie so all i need is the fire
 Thankyou for sharing it all
      lots of love

       Angie
          XXXXX

jasonkl

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2012, 07:59:51 PM »




(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((sonya))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

browneyedgirl

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Re: Today is Tone's Birthday
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2012, 10:43:29 AM »
(((((((((((((sonya)))))))))))))))))))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven