I agree with what the others are saying. I went through the guilt phase as well, I think we all do...if I had only done this or that, talked her into going to the doctor's sooner, if I had picked up on things earlier, demanded more from the doctor...on and on and on.
The truth is we cannot change things, really. Life and death take their course. I was amazed how much was out of my control. If I had the power....but I didn't and don't and never will. Try to give yourself a break, you are only human, responsible for your self. God controls the rest.
I suggest you start a journal, either a physical book or an private online journal (
http://www.blogger.com) I have created two separate blogs, one that details my daily activity since Denise's death, my thoughts and feelings, raw, unvarnished and truthful, and the other a blog that details Denise, particularly the things I remember....the things about her I miss. There is also a link to photos of Denise. I go to the blog when I remember something about her I am missing...her perfume, a particular dish she prepared, the funny things she said, something we did together..It will help me to remember as the years go by.
Good luck and God bless, angie. ((((angie)))
If you need help with the online blog, let me know.
Bob