I MISS YOU DAVIE

[angie]

My  husband of 20 years died very suddenly and unexpectedly on 12 Nov 2011.One minute he was fine,next minute he collapsed and died!!He was 47.He died of cardiac arrest.I never got a chance to tell him I love him or say goodbye.Its not fair.Its been 6 weeks n 3 days of hell.I miss him so much.None of this seems real.I still want him to walk thro the front door.We have 4 kids and they seem to be coping better than me.Davie is my soulmate,my reason and my purpose I dont like him not being here.I thought he would always be here with me and now he is gone.That Saturday was the worst day of my life.Davie I MISS YOU SO MUCH XXXXX

[gaberax]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Welcome.   You are among friends who, unfortunately, are here for the same reason.  Please feel free to vent, yell, question, ask for advice, cry...whatever you need.  We have all been or are going through similar situations.
We are here to help the best we can...just let us know.  God bless.

[johnkmurray]

Angie,

Welcome to WebHealing. As Bob said, here you will find kindred souls. We have all experienced the wrenching loss of a soulmate, be it through sudden circumstances or prolonged illness. Ware here to offer support on the bad days and cheers on the good.

John

[browneyedgirl]

Dear Angie ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Davie. 

Welcome......you have come to the right place.  There are many here who understand your pain.  There is always someone to listen. 

Lots of love.

[angie]

A huge THANKYOU for reading my post and HUGE HUGS for replying XXX Even with all your  own pain and grieve you still reached out to me.You are AWESOME.It is important for me to realise other people can relate to what I am going thro because I sometimes feel I am completely alone in this nightmare.I am missing Davie SO MUCH right now I think I'm having a REAL bad day.How do you guys cope?It completely overwhelms me.I didnt think it was possible to feel this sad and down.Friends/family have actually told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it and get on with my life!!!!! HOW DARE THEY.I sometimes cant even be bothered getting out of my bed.......never mind "getting on with my life."
What kind of life do I have without Davie anyway?Dont they realise he is my life? I am so glad I found this site.
LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS TO YOU ALL  xxxxxx
               

[MyLou]

(((((((((((((( Angie )))))))))))))


I am so sorry for your loss. Yes people that don't wear our shoes have no idea.  Don't pay them any mind.  Even though it hurts what they say they don't even know.

I had people say some things that I would never say.  I have been told they don't know what to say and guess they don't think before they say it.

Just take one second, minute, hour at a time.  Whatever it takes to get you through. 

I know when I first lost Lou I felt like I was all alone in this world that keeps going on.  I would say to myself how could this world go on don't they know Lou passed.

You came to the right place we care, your friend and here to help.


((((((((((((((((( ANGIE ))))))))))))))))))


Lisa

[jasonkl]

Angie
I am so sorry for your loss of you Davie. Yoiu are in a safe place here. We all understand what you are going through. Please try to give your friends and family, they do not understand.As Lisa said One minute, one hour, one second at a time what ever it takes. There is no easy answer for any of your questions. You do want ever feels right for you. As Lisa likes to remind me all the time this is very raw for you. Take it slow. And remember you are not alone, we understand.

Jason

[gaberax]

Friends/family have actually told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it and get on with my life!!!!! HOW DARE THEY.I sometimes cant even be bothered getting out of my bed.......never mind "getting on with my life."

I think most of us experience the family members who want us to "get over it."  Don't be too harsh with them. They just want the old you back.  What they don't realize is the old you died with your loved one.  It will take some time to figure out who you are again.  And it will be different than the old you.

I wrote a "Grief Letter" as suggested in my GriefShare group.  In it I informed family, friends and loved ones what I am going through, how difficult it is and what to expect from me for the immediate future.  I printed it out and handed it out to them all.   Even then, I have had to sit personally with some people (my parents, for example) and gently tell them that I need more time and their patience...so please back off a little.

Finally, if you haven't heard of GriefShare it is a 13 week program (Christ-centered) where people going through the loss of a loved one can meet, commiserate and draw strength from each other.  I highly recommend it.  If you are interested go to GriefShare.org and find a list of groups meeting in you Zip code area.

God bless you.  May you have a peaceful, healing and reflective New Year.

Love
Gaberax

[sonya]

((((((((((((Angie))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss of Davie.

Certainly you are not alone and we will be here for you as much as we can. I am so pleased that I found this fantastic forum and hope that in it you found the support and shared understanding that has helped me so much on this horrible journey.

Certainly your family ( and mine) have no right to be telling you to move on. I think that mine have got frightened by intense grief and are wishing it away. It helps me to try to understand their motivation even though i want to scream at them. Maybe it may help you too?

We are here. Take the best care of yourself that you can. Drink a lot of water. Eat regularly even if it is a little. Share as litlle or as much as you like to here. Would be lovely to hear more about Davie when you are ready.

Sonya

((((Angie))))

[johnkmurray]

Friends/family have actually told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get over it and get on with my life!!!!! HOW DARE THEY.

How dare they indeed! Barely a month has passed and they expect you to flip a switch and turn off your grief. What does it say about their own relationships that they think it is so simple? For that matter, what does this say about society in general? Losing a soulmate is not like replacing a broken lamp. You can't simply think "Old one broke, what a pity, time to get a new one".

People saying this have no idea what nonsense they are spouting. Even worse, they have no idea what to say yet insist on saying it anyway.

John

[angie]

Once more sincerest heartfelt THANKS to you all. XXX
        Bob
        Lisa
        John
        Jason
        Sonya
You are all in my thoughts,I am sending you all my love.Dunno if it will do you any good but it wont do you any harm either Xx
I took your advice   BOB   and wrote out a few grief letters and today handed the first one to our friend Lauren well she was more Davies friend than mine.Anyway in her letter i had explained that i would like to talk about Davie even if it means me getting upset because i hate people avoiding mentioning Davie just cos I am within earshot.She smiled when she read that part and said"I didn't want to mention Davie incase it upset you,but I really want to talk about him too" And talk we did,for over 3 hours and yes there were tears,hers and mine but by the end of it they were tears of laughter.I actually felt human again.As for the memories I had forgotten I am now remembering them and they feel good.
 Thanks for listening
  Thinking of you all XXXXXXXXXXX

[jasonkl]

(((((((((((((((((((((( angie))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you, It has been a hard 2 weeks.

Jason

[angie]

HELP Im feeling so bad now.I have been playing the morning Davie died over and over in my head all day.It just wont go away.On that morning he had went upstairs to have a shower and a shave and a few minutes later i was stood in the kitchen and I heard a loud THUD over head.I assumed the boys had went up stairs and were messing about(as usual).I carried on tidying up sorting the washing fed the dogs etc.But that thud was Davie hitting the floor it was him dying.Im downstairs doing housework and he is dead.ALL OF THIS IS MY FAULT.He needed me right then and i didnt help him.I let him down in the worst possible way.I hate myself so much right now.Davie is dead cos of me.It is 9 weeks since he died and its weird cos these last 9 weeks seem to have lasted longer than the 20 yrs we had together.I try to remember the sound of his voice or his laugh and i cant remember what they sounded like,I am scared i have forgotten him.I miss him so much and I feel
                                    SH*T!!!!!!!!!

[jasonkl]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((angie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It is not your fault. Had you know what was going on you would have did your best to help. WE ALL HAVE THIS GUILT. We all love our spouces more than life and would have done anything to save them.

You are not forgetting him and you never will. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are trying to hard. This terrable path we are on is exhausting, it take everything we have just to try and get through the minutes of the day and with childern to take care of too, your are hiding some of your greif trying to be strong for them. This takes and even greater toll on you. And to steal Lisa words at 9 weeks your pain is still raw.

ALL OF THIS IS MY FAULT.He needed me right then and i didnt help him.I let him down in the worst possible way.I hate myself so much right now.Davie is dead cos of me.

Those are the exact same words I wrote about 2 months ago. Night I lost my wife she had taken her pain meds and went to bed before I got home from taking my sons girlfreind home. I looked in on her when I got home hoping we could work out the fight we had earlier, I was still mad at her and saw she had fallin assleep in some strange position and though nothing of it because she had done this many times, because of my anger I never took notice that this time when I tryed to move her she did not wake up. I left her in that strange position because I could not move her and I was still mad. I know she was still breathing, I always would check because she was on so very strong meds and she would sometimes forget when she took them last and take to much. What I did not notice until I recalled it later was her beathing was very shallow, when I checked on her she was dieing and I did nothing. An hour later when I went to bed, she was gone. This is my guilt that I have to carry. I could I have saved her, that question will never be answered. We did what we though was right at the time. We can't not change what has happened, the guilt you and I and many others carry will not bring them back. The one thing I have learned on this journy is we have to try let go of the guilt it does not help us.  Believe me I know this is much easier said than done. I still have my days where the guilt wins.

My thoughs are with you.

Jason

[MyLou]

(((((((((((((((((( ANGIE ))))))))))))))))))

Please don't blame yourself it's not your fault.  I too blamed myself and it's not my fault.  I wasn't around Lou when he passed he was driving but that morning he had signs.  I said to him I think you are having signs of a heart attack, he said no I will be OK honey. Well he wasn't I got a call a few hours later. I blamed myself for not saying let's go to the hospital but he assured me it was indigestion. He said I will be OK and believed him.  I blamed myself forever but had to stop because God needed him. As hard as that is to except and write at the same time, and stilll don't understand and the WHYS. To this day I keep playing over in my head what happened his co-workers told me and I wasn't there to help or hold him. 

You are overhelmed with pain, you will remember his laugh and voice. Don't be so hard on yourself.

We are all holding you close and onto your hand.  This is a hard journey that no one understands.

Love

Lisa