(((((((((((((((((((((((((((angie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It is not your fault. Had you know what was going on you would have did your best to help. WE ALL HAVE THIS GUILT. We all love our spouces more than life and would have done anything to save them.
You are not forgetting him and you never will. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are trying to hard. This terrable path we are on is exhausting, it take everything we have just to try and get through the minutes of the day and with childern to take care of too, your are hiding some of your greif trying to be strong for them. This takes and even greater toll on you. And to steal Lisa words at 9 weeks your pain is still raw.
ALL OF THIS IS MY FAULT.He needed me right then and i didnt help him.I let him down in the worst possible way.I hate myself so much right now.Davie is dead cos of me.
Those are the exact same words I wrote about 2 months ago. Night I lost my wife she had taken her pain meds and went to bed before I got home from taking my sons girlfreind home. I looked in on her when I got home hoping we could work out the fight we had earlier, I was still mad at her and saw she had fallin assleep in some strange position and though nothing of it because she had done this many times, because of my anger I never took notice that this time when I tryed to move her she did not wake up. I left her in that strange position because I could not move her and I was still mad. I know she was still breathing, I always would check because she was on so very strong meds and she would sometimes forget when she took them last and take to much. What I did not notice until I recalled it later was her beathing was very shallow, when I checked on her she was dieing and I did nothing. An hour later when I went to bed, she was gone. This is my guilt that I have to carry. I could I have saved her, that question will never be answered. We did what we though was right at the time. We can't not change what has happened, the guilt you and I and many others carry will not bring them back. The one thing I have learned on this journy is we have to try let go of the guilt it does not help us. Believe me I know this is much easier said than done. I still have my days where the guilt wins.
My thoughs are with you.
Jason