Author Topic: It's been a while  (Read 1468 times)

missingmyarm

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It's been a while
« on: November 20, 2011, 07:22:52 PM »
Hello -
I haven't been here for a little while...I guess it's a good thing because I have been able to move beyond the pain a little bit.  It is always with me, but not as much on the surface.  However, I just got hit by a wave - I tortured myself tonight by looking at pictures.  I am by myself, as I have recently separated from my husband and my son is with him tonight.  It's very lonely sometimes.  I miss my brother and what was my family.  Rich was my only brother and I have one sister.  She and I are not speaking right now because her addiction and mental illness are flaring up.  I know it is probably in part due to grief, but I am still angry because I need her to be well right now, and so does my mother.  The holidays are upon us, and it brings up so much about family and gratitude - I am grateful for a lot of things, but I am also pretty sad right now.  It just kills me to think I will never see my brother again...it physically hurts when I think about it.  I will see his children next weekend, and he lives on in them.  That is some comfort.  I try to just be there for them and his wife.  And to help my Mom.  How she deals with this is beyond me.  I couldn't imagine if anything happened to my son.  I am so scared now that life is so fragile.  I feel like I have post-traumatic stress or something.  I know things must change, but this is too much.  I am going through a divorce and two of my best friends are dying.  I'm trying to live in the moment, but then I just get knocked down by a wave of grief.  Thanks for listening.

browneyedgirl

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Re: It's been a while
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2011, 10:32:33 AM »
(((missingmyarm))))

Good to see you post - I am sorry, however that you're having a hard time.  The holidays are the days were the smile seems most forced, doesn't it?  I am so sorry to read of your both your friends condition and your divorce.  Have you thought about any couseling or a grief share group?  Just thinking out loud.  I know the feeling of wanting to help your mother - I go though the same thing with my mom.  She has never been the same and I searched for so long to try and help her......and what she said was the best was me just being there. 

lots of love.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

helene

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Re: It's been a while
« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2011, 09:58:36 AM »
Hi Missingmyarm,

It's good to hear from you again. I too am sorry you're going through such a rough time and I know that the holidays don't make it any easier. It's been nearly a year and a half since I lost my older sister Lesley and I find that grief comes in waves, sometimes abating slightly, and then something comes along and it hits you all over again, so I can really relate to what you said: "I just got hit by a wave" when you were looking at photos of your dear brother and family. Photos can really cause our emotions to run amock but we need to look at them nonetheless. It's a very special way of remembering those we have lost.

It's pretty special how you are there for your brother's wife and children and for your mother. I am sure they are very grateful for your presence. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome is very real and many people suffer from it. I have found that there are quite a lot of very good books on the topic as well as many helpful books on grief and grieving. Reading about other people's experiences with grief made me realize I am not alone, even though I feel alone so much of the time. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you as well and wish you the strength you need to get through these tough times. Also, Browneyedgirl wrote about the possibility of counselling or a grief share group - that can be really helpful too.


((((missingmyarm))))

Love,

Helnele


Helene & Lesley