Author Topic: Currently pregnant, lost the father.  (Read 2790 times)

Bee

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Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« on: November 02, 2011, 06:49:32 AM »
Hello. I need to find people who have carried on through their pregnancy even though the father has passed on. The love of my life was in an motorcycle accident on September 17th, 2011, and later died September 26th. Somehow kept myself "calm" during the accident and his body dying, kept the baby safe. 15 weeks today. Still fighting for life here, fighting the depression that could kill me. I will not give up. Doing so would be a dishonor to this child's amazing father. I know that I cannot give up. I thought divorce was painful, and it is, but in my life, losing this man that I prayed for so hard to come into my life is overwhelming at different seconds, minutes. He died. Justin died! He would say, "Everybody dies, Bee." I know. I know we all do. But not you, Justin. No no no, not you. Knowing him and being friends, good friends since Highschool, both having awful long painful relationships with the wrong people, finding each other again but as life-mates only just this May, then GONE?? To say this is hard is obviously and understatement. I know that he is with us, just different. I miss his face, though, his skin, his voice. His acceptance. The best man I have ever met has been ripped from my existence. I'm so glad we are having a son. I hope to make his father proud in spirit.

gaberax

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2011, 07:21:54 AM »
I am sorry for the loss of your precious Justin.  ((((Bee))))  There is a lot of support available here, people who will listen.  People who have experienced a similar loss.  If you are up to it, I would suggest you pursue some counseling, either professional (perhaps your insurance covers it) or through a group (GriefShare available at GriefShare.org)  It helps to talk to others.

I wish you the best in navigating through this time.  I hope others more eloquent than I can offer better advice.  I pray that God puts the people in front of you that you'll need to get through.  God bless you, Bee.

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2011, 07:23:56 AM »

(((Bee)))

I'm so sorry your precious Justin died. Your beautiful baby will be born out of such great love and will grow to know that love and cherish it. Certainly not the way you planned it, though.

Welcome to Webhealing. I'm glad you found us as you'll get to know others here who are also coping with losses and some, also very recent. Please take care of you right now as I'm sure you are with that little one on it's way. Remember that *your're* precious, too.

Please tell us more about Justin as you are comfortable doing so and know that you are loved and cared for here. Post anytime, someone is always online.You have my heart, Bee and I'm sending hugs across cyberspace and hope you can feel them.

Please know you are not alone, though it may feel that way right now. We all travel this journey together and take it one day at a time and do the best we can and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

(((((((Bee)))))))

You have my love & support,
Terry


browneyedgirl

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2011, 04:47:07 PM »
Dear Bee ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of Justin. 

I echo what all have said so far.....

Welcome.  I am sorry you have to be here with us.  There are people here who understand, there is always someone to listen. 

Sending love and light.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

arthur

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2011, 07:22:17 PM »
Hi Bee..I am so sorry about your loss and the shock and deep pain it has caused you. We're all going through/have gone through tragedies like yours, and like you we're all suffering grief in its various stages. Justin sounds like a special dear man and again I am so sorry you had to lose him. Please take care of yourself and the baby and know we are all here for you when you need to express yourself to people who understand your loss. arthur

jasonkl

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2011, 08:12:51 PM »
((Bee))
I'm so sorry for you loss. I read your intro and your post here. At this moment in time I'm also in the gripps of tearable guilt. I don't know how to tell you to work through it. But I can tell you what others have told me. Try not to dwell on the guilt it will eat you up. You need to take care of you and the baby. We are all here for the same reason, we have all sufferd a great loss. We understand and will be here when you need us.

If you can and you are up to it, try to take gaberax advise and find a group. I was in a very bad and dark place tonite. I made it to group and I can tell you they proablely saved my life tonite.

Take care and post when you need to
jason

Bee

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2011, 06:52:16 PM »
Thank you for your kind words. I've not been able to locate a group so far. I know I need to. I'm not giving up, but I don't see a future. Second by second, I guess. I miss him.

Terry

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2011, 08:27:13 PM »

(((Bee)))

Thinking of you tonight and sending hugs and lots of love.

Terry

oneangel

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2011, 07:40:07 PM »
Dear Bee,
I read your post a while ago but have not had the courage to write to you earlier. I had a difficult time reading your post because it brought back painful memories. I have not been doing well lately and I apologize since I feel you need to hear from someone who has gone through something a little similar to you. I was pregnant with our third child when my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was March 2009 and I was due in September. My husband's first goal was to make it to the baby's birth. My story is a little different because he did make it to the birth, but died less than two months later, on November 9th. The pregnancy took a backseat unfortunately because I was so focused on his care. I ended up having gestational diabetes and had to meet with docotrs, specialists and nutritionists. They all agreed that it was probably stress related but still had to follow a diet and check my blood sugar frequently. My husband had such guilt because he kept saying that he brought this all on. All I can say is that you have to try and keep the baby your first priority because stress can bring on many different things. The birth will most likely be very emotional. You will feel all kinds of feelings at the same time; happiness about the birth, sadness that your Justin is not physically be there, worried and fearful about doing this alone. Know that you CAN do this. It isn't easy but you do what needs to get done because you have to. This child was sent to you for a reason. He is what is going to keep you going when you think there is nothing to live for. When you feel down, put your hands on your belly and talk to him and Justin. You get to have the priviledge of teaching this child everything about his father.
PLease take care of yourself for the sake of your child. Keep posting whenever you need us.

Bee

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2011, 08:04:22 AM »
Dearest Oneangel,

THANK YOU. Thank you for having the courage to write to me. I needed to see this today. I have been so down, fighting to care about living, trying to keep it together for my older boys and especially this baby who is depending on me to bring him into this world. Just this morning I asked God, the Universe, whomever, to just let me die. Then I had to reel it in, calm myself down, pat my belly, and focus. Not easy, as you know. Your words have helped me. I will read them often. I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing the ones we love is a horror I have no human vocabulary for. Missing them from this physical world aims to break me, but I will keep on, as you have. I am extremely grateful for your kindness and your courage in responding. It means so much to me, especially right now. Thank you so much.

oneangel

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2011, 11:20:19 AM »
Bee: I'm glad it has helped you. This is what we are all here for. I've been watching to see when you would respond and you couldn't pick a better day. Today marks the 2nd year that my husband has been gone. Everyone who remembers is being sweet today but I am not getting any comfort from it. I feel angrier this year than last year. I can't understand why or for what good possible reason he was taken away from us. I have only seen that my kids are hurting and sad, I am trying to cope everyday and trying my best for my kids. It's hard but what choice do we have. It's not our kids fault that this has happened and it's not going to do them any good if we are a wreck as well. They need us to move on.
Thank you so much for responding today. I needed it too!

oneangel

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Re: Currently pregnant, lost the father.
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2011, 06:59:37 AM »
(((Bee)))
Just wondering how you are doing?