I have never written one of these before so I apologize if I don't do something correctly. October 1st will be a year ago that my Mom, my best friend, went into the hospital and never came out. She passed away on February 12th of this year. I have shut down and pushed away all feelings, emotions,memories of everything that I can for the last year. I miss her terribly and the only reason I feel like I can get out of bed each day is because of my 2 beautiful children, husband, and God. Everyone told me to give my grief to God and I know he will soothe me and make me understand and heal, but I'm scared to because I don't know how to and also I'm scared if I ever start mourning and trying to cope I won't be able to stop. I don't know how to proceed. I went and visited her graveside for the first couple of months and since I began blocking everything I haven't been there in over 5 months. I don't go to her house, I can't even write the thank you cards that are so overdue and that really bothers me because of all that so many people did for us and I am scared they think I don't appreciate them. I feel like I should be much further along than I am when in fact I think I am going backwards. I am so broken.
Christy,
I'm sorry that you're having to live without your Momma. A year isn't a very long time after such a great loss. Please try to be patient with you and know that you're doing the very best you can under very difficult circumstances.
I lost my Momma, my best friend, the best grandmother when she was 48 years old. That was back in '77 and I am able, today to think about her and smile and laugh, as she was so funny and so loved by all. I remember those early years after my Momma died and I understand how hard they are so please know that I understand and you have my support and my love.
Thank you for sharing her and your story with us. It's the telling of it over and over that makes it real and helps us to move forward, and when we are able to do that, is different for us all.
You shared that you felt that you should be much further along. Why is that, if you don't mind sharing that with me? It's truly two steps forward and one back and sometimes it's one forward and two back. Remember that you've suffered a devastating loss and the love you had for your Momma, that great and wonderful, unconditional love is fueling your grief right now.
Your children and husband are blessed to have you, and you them. Please try to take things one day at a time and take good care of *you* as you are very important to a lot of people.
You shared that there is fear in *letting go* and beginning to grieve. I can relate to that. It's healthy to get all of your emotions out, however you choose to do that. Writing this first post is a good beginning!
I look forward to hearing more about your Mom and about how you are doing, when you feel comfortable doing so! Welcome to our webhealing family and please know that you are loved and cared for here.
Sending lots of big hugs that I wish you could feel! ((((((((Christy))))))))
With Love & Understanding,
Terry
Topic: Almost a year ago this nightmare began (Read 3351 times)
