Author Topic: My Dad  (Read 2330 times)

helene

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My Dad
« on: October 21, 2011, 07:19:09 AM »
Hi. I've never posted here before, but rather in Sibling Loss because I lost my sister Lesley last year. But there is another loss that happened many years ago now that I have never recovered from, and that is the loss of my Dad who died in April of 1983. Perhaps it is not 'on' to write about a loss that happened so long ago, so I won't say much. I was eighteen years old and in university when my Dad died of cancer at age 46. Now I am older than he was when he died. I still grieve him. There is no closure for me. That's how long grief can go on. For years upon years.

His name was Randall and he was a classical singer.  My mother is a pianist and they did many concerts together and taught at university. My parents split up and got back together many times during my childhood and it was extremely traumatic for me every time my Dad went away because I was so much like him and not like my mother. I was already grieving his loss when he was still alive, especially when my parents split for good when I was age 12. I hardly saw my Dad at all after that because my mother did not want me to.

I feel like I was robbed of my father and how does one ever recover from that??

Thanks for reading this.   Helene.


Helene & Lesley

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: My Dad
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2011, 08:04:32 PM »

Helene, it doesn't matter how much time has passed after someone has died to want to share about how you're feeling. Time doesn't mean a thing after we lose someone.

I'm sorry for that experience when you were younger of missing your Dad so much due to the constant splits in his and your Mom's relationship. That had to be hard.

I don't compare my grief to anyone else's and some of my losses, I still grieve for. I always will. My Mom died at 48 and I need her, especially now with my Dad dying, although he's been holding on so much longer than anyone expected him to. It's almost as if he knows I can't go through this again, though I will have to at some point.

It's Ok to miss your Dad and remember, we're facing the holiday season now. Just a reminder as everyone is struggling even more so than usual and some are wondering why. It's these holidays. They can be brutal.

Don't worry about closure. That word was made up by someone who never lost anyone because there is no such thing, in my opinion. If closure is closing the door or ending a chapter of your life, then I've never experienced it and I'm Ok with the fact that I probably never will.

I hope that helped a little in regards to the time frame and still missing your Dad. Gather as many pictures as you can when you were little and make a scrapbook and give it to yourself as a gift. Leave it out where you can pick it up and look through it whenever you want to. Feel what you need to feel. It's all OK!

Thanks for sharing about your Dad.

Much Love,
Terry

sissy

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Re: My Dad
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2011, 05:45:39 PM »
I just said a special prayer for you and your dad.....
warm thoughts always - sissy

browneyedgirl

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Re: My Dad
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2011, 02:16:37 PM »
(((helene))))

That's all I got for you, sister, a virtual hug.....I am so sorry for all of your pain.  I wish I could take it way for you.

Lots of love always,
Pam
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven