Gee, Roz I'm so sorry. You're really dealing with a lot. A lot of pain from loss in both death and betrayal.
How did you break your ankle? I can relate to having too much 'alone' time and I have to agree with you that it's not a good thing when you're not feeling well in other areas. I try to keep busy with reading, writing and just about anything I can manage without having to be too physical.
Do you like to write? Read? Watch old movies? Try and find something because the pain, alone can swallow us up, if we don't work 'with' it. I know it's not an easy thing to do and that's why I suggested writing. Have you thought about writing letters to your siblings about the way you are feeling? You don't have to send them but just getting the feelings out is so important for our mental health.
You're angry with the cancer. Tell IT OFF, TOO!!! Write until your fingers cramp and you can't write anymore. I still do that sometimes. It will sure tire you out.
I feel the same about Alzheimer's as you do Cancer. I've been writing a book for caregivers as it's so challenging and so sad. And, no one should walk into this type of caregiving blindly although every patient is so unique in their symptoms. I'm hoping that the tips I'm offering help alleviate some of the fear that both the caregiver and the patient feel and through so many different stages of the disease. They suffer with so much pain, confusion, fear...it's just awful. Watching someone disappear before your very eyes.
Write about it, Roz and share your pain and all you went through. And, all you're still going through. Write it just for you, if you want. You've shared so much on this board, which has been great and I've enjoyed reading everything you've shared; your sharing here could be a starting point for you. Keep writing. Not everyone can do this, Roz. You're always very open and that's so healing although I know you don't feel good right now....in time you will feel better. You will feel like living and you'll be able to live with the pain. And it's not always going to be this intense, either. I ran against the wind for so long that when it finally caught up with me, we were both exhausted. Now, we walk. Together. I've accepted that brutal, harsh reality.
((((((((Rozzie))))))))
Always here for you friend,
Love,
Terry