Author Topic: new to this  (Read 10204 times)

johnkmurray

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Re: new to this
« Reply #15 on: November 11, 2011, 06:07:42 PM »
(((sonya)))

gaberax

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Re: new to this
« Reply #16 on: November 11, 2011, 06:12:01 PM »
I really liked your rant.  I can relate.  It made a few tears flow.  Poetic.

sonya

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Re: new to this
« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2011, 11:53:25 AM »
I went to see the counsellor today again. So much pain is brought up every time I see her but I feel that with every tissue that goes into the bin, so does a little hurt, a little anger.

I had a dream last week. Tone came to see me. He told me he was happy and I felt that so much. That all his problems and fears had gone. He told me to live my best life and come live with him again in a few years but not now.

So thats what I am trying to do.

Last week a group that works with street children came to ask me for help. They teach kids dance, music, acrobatics and juggling. If they come they get fed and so social workers can try and help them reunite with families. Most are opn drugs and getting fit builds their self-esteem and helps them get off and stay off drugs.
Tone struggled with addiction. When he was a younger man he used to juggle, fire breathe and ride unicycles. This project seems perfect. A way to give my life purpose. Inspirational and very talented kids given hope and the chance to get off the streets of Nairobi. And a link to Tone in many ways.
I have set things in motion, links with school, a deal on a heavy discount for use of a theatre.

Suddenly there is hope. Excitement and purpose.

A very rocky road but I can see further ahead. I realised today that a few weeks agon I couldnt plan further than the next lesson. Then I could see to break and lunch. A couple of weeks ago I could see a week. Today I realised that I had planned an INSET workshop for January.

It seems like such a breakthrough. That a (short-term) future is unfolding.

And so I am ready to find a way to say goodbye soon. The funeral was not relevent and did not serve the purpose it is meant to, so I feel that I have not had one. If that makes sense? I guess I need a sort of private memorial. Would love to hear anyone's suggestions.

Currently I am living in Africa which holds no memories of him. Going back to Uk at Christmas and it is his birthday on New Year's Eve so that could be a possible date to do something...though it will be very cold! Any suggestions?
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

jasonkl

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Re: new to this
« Reply #18 on: November 14, 2011, 10:23:28 PM »
Sonya
 
Good to hear you have found thing to look forward to and found a way to see past the next hour into a future. I have not made it that far yet.

I'm not sure how to tell you to say good bye, but I can share with you what I do when I visit her. I bring flowers and I talk to her. I tell her I love Her and I miss her. I hope this helps in some way.

Jason

browneyedgirl

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Re: new to this
« Reply #19 on: November 15, 2011, 09:04:47 AM »
((((sonya)))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

sonya

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Re: new to this
« Reply #20 on: November 15, 2011, 09:07:33 PM »
Thanks Jason and Broweyedgirl.

I talk to him all the time too. Unfortunately there is no grave, no plaque to bring flowers to. Thats why I want to do something somewhere to create a place that I can go to.

Think it may involve a bonfire and a letter and a photo. ANd some bloody thick thermal underwear if I am going to be outside in the UK in winter!
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

jasonkl

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Re: new to this
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2011, 12:05:04 AM »
Sonya

I have an idea for you now. I ordered a temp marker for my wife. I couldn't stand seeing her new place unmarked. The company is called Thomson Monuments. I got her what they call a road side cross. It looks very nice and it comes with a customized name plate. This may give you what you are looking for.

Jason

sonya

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Re: new to this
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2011, 10:38:46 AM »
Thanks Jason.

Do you have a website address that I could take a look at?

Sonya
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

jasonkl

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Re: new to this
« Reply #23 on: November 16, 2011, 02:21:18 PM »
Sorry I thought I did. Here it is. http://thompsonmonuments.com/. They changed there page alittle. You may have to enter the road side cross into a search on the site but it is still there. I just checked.

Jason

sonya

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Re: new to this
« Reply #24 on: November 18, 2011, 09:08:50 AM »
Thanks :)
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

jasonkl

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Re: new to this
« Reply #25 on: November 19, 2011, 05:55:32 AM »
You are welcome.