I am so sorry for what you are going through. Taking your life is not the answer. Trust me, I have thought about it too, but all we are doing is causing even more pain and hardship to all the people who care for us around us. I know it is difficult to see what is there left to live for after losing someone we love, but although the pain of his loss will always be there, you will learn to live with it and start living again. Does your family know what you tried to do? I hope your harsh reality has awakened you to seek out some support for yourself. Continue posting here and let us know how you are doing, we are here for each other. I lost my husband almost two years ago, my life has been turned upside down, and we have three young children. Even with my kids, I thought about taking my life, thinking my kids would maybe be better off without me instead of a mother who is constantly crying and depressed. It took some time but I have established a routine for us, and now I choose the end of the day, when I am alone in my living room, to cry it out, listen to love songs, or watch home movie of him so I can hear his voice and see his face. I wish and pray that you don't try to take your life away from the people who love you, and instead search for help to start learning how to cope with your grief.
Sending you hugs and love your way and I hope to see your postings soon!