Thank you.
I am tired. So tired. I wish I could sleep all the time. Nothing anyone says makes any sense to me. I'm drinking too much and my husband thinks I'm crazy and may leave me. I hear him and feel bad but the call to oblivian is stronger. Let me say also this: I come from a very troubled family - families - as Lesley did. So does my husband. I am completely estranged from my 'mother' and practically so from my younger sister. I am sick of my job. Sick of where I live. And am sick without Lesley. I no longer know how to live normally. I just want to not be here the pain is so acute.
There it is in a nutshell. I want out. And...according to my husband, I'm well on my way. I never thought pain could be so bad as it has been leading up to Lesley's birthday, her actual birthday and now post. I feel myself disintegrating and wish it would just end.
Love,
Helene.
PS: Therapy is useless: all she does is smile, give me a crumb of bone to chew on and think that is enough for me.