Author Topic: Riddled  (Read 2458 times)

helene

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Riddled
« on: September 22, 2011, 06:37:44 AM »
Riddled

Today after not seeing her for many months, my therapist asked me: "Where do you want your pain to go?"
I nearly laughed. "Go?!", I countered. "Go where?! Under my hat? Out into the cosmos perhaps?"
My sarcasm was undeniable I'm sure and she told me I would probably need more time to come up with an answer.
"Your question is meaningless to me!, I insisted. "It is unrealistic and naiive! She remained silent and I wanted to smash her Cheshire-cat smile into a million pieces because I hated how much fun she was having.
So. I need some time to think about it. It. My pain. About wanting it to go somewhere and where would it go if it could? Where do I want my pain to go? It can go to hell for all I care. Or, it can take a trip to Shangri-la, way out there somewhere in the stratosphere or some place near. Have some fun with Lucy-in-the-sky-with-Diamonds. Twinkle like Tinkerbell or become one of Walt Disney's when I wish upon a star, makes no difference where you are....Or perhaps I should send my pain back in time to 1906 Montparnasse, Paris to say hello to Picasso & Modi.
Becoming yet another one of Soutine's carcass-on-a-canvass. I see the Genie-of-my-Bottle grinning down at me from its gargantuan height, swaying slightly to and fro like those dumb blow-up Santas you see on people's lawns during the 'festive' season. Mine, full of more than just hot air. It asks me what my three wishes are and I say I have no wishes but that I know what it really wants. It wants OUT! Freedom! So I introduced it to my pain.

Helene    PS: I know this doesn't make sense, any more than life and death does.


Helene & Lesley

browneyedgirl

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Re: Riddled
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2011, 09:07:46 AM »
(((helene)))

I think that its okay if it doesn't make sense, but if writing it out here helps you, more power to you ;)  I love reading your writing - you're very gifted with your words, and you're using your talent in healing.  In time, you can come back and read all of your posts, and see how perhaps you have grown/changed with grief so present.....I know I did.  :)

Lots of love.

Pam
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: Riddled
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2011, 02:12:12 AM »
Riddled

Today after not seeing her for many months, my therapist asked me: "Where do you want your pain to go?"
I nearly laughed. "Go?!", I countered. "Go where?! Under my hat? Out into the cosmos perhaps?"
My sarcasm was undeniable I'm sure and she told me I would probably need more time to come up with an answer.
"Your question is meaningless to me!, I insisted. "It is unrealistic and naiive! She remained silent and I wanted to smash her Cheshire-cat smile into a million pieces because I hated how much fun she was having.
So. I need some time to think about it. It. My pain. About wanting it to go somewhere and where would it go if it could? Where do I want my pain to go? It can go to hell for all I care. Or, it can take a trip to Shangri-la, way out there somewhere in the stratosphere or some place near. Have some fun with Lucy-in-the-sky-with-Diamonds. Twinkle like Tinkerbell or become one of Walt Disney's when I wish upon a star, makes no difference where you are....Or perhaps I should send my pain back in time to 1906 Montparnasse, Paris to say hello to Picasso & Modi.
Becoming yet another one of Soutine's carcass-on-a-canvass. I see the Genie-of-my-Bottle grinning down at me from its gargantuan height, swaying slightly to and fro like those dumb blow-up Santas you see on people's lawns during the 'festive' season. Mine, full of more than just hot air. It asks me what my three wishes are and I say I have no wishes but that I know what it really wants. It wants OUT! Freedom! So I introduced it to my pain.

Helene    PS: I know this doesn't make sense, any more than life and death does.

Do you feel better now? You have to!!! It helps to get it out, doesn't it? I just loved your phrasing!! :)

People ask those 'wrap-me-in-a-box-and-watch-me-glitter' questions sometimes, eh?

I chose the two angels for the September Birthday & Angel Dates for you and Lesley because Lesley is an angel in Heaven and you, Helene are an angel on earth!

I love you, friend. The anticipation is much worse than the actual date. Know I understand and am always here for you!

Terry

helene

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Re: Riddled
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2011, 07:08:07 AM »
Hi Terry and Pam,

I felt better for a brief spell, but more pain moved back in before I could blink so here I am again.
I feel guilty because I have not been there for others during this horrible time as Lesley's birthday approaches.
I am sorry for that.

I also think both of you are very wise people. Thank you for all you do for not just me, but for everyone here on Webhealing.

We are all suffering. I know.

Love,

Helene.


PS: I am certainly no angel because angels don't get angry. At least I don't think they do.


Helene & Lesley

browneyedgirl

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Re: Riddled
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2011, 08:55:48 AM »
No need to feel bad, helene.  We all know what it's like when date approach.  We are here for you. 

Lots of love,
Pam

PS Thank you for the kind words, it means a lot. ;)
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: Riddled
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2011, 10:04:04 AM »

I agree with Pam, wholeheartedly to not worry about anything right now. You just take good care of yourself, Helene. These dates are brutal and we all understand. I'm glad to see you're able to get your feelings out....nothing is more important right now!

Hugs!