Author Topic: Paula Bruckne  (Read 1383 times)


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Paula Bruckne
« on: July 01, 2011, 11:32:15 PM »
I read on here periodically and have been wondering how u and your family are.  Isaw that ur son is getting married soon.  I hope it isa happy day for you so that youcan make it for him. pls kee me posted.
Rebecca Jason' Mom

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: Paula Bruckne
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2011, 06:06:50 AM »
Thanks for thinking of me and mine Rebecca. How is is being a Grandma? Does it help with your sadness a teensy bit? With my eldest (Matthew) planning his wedding I fantasize about being a Bubbe and hoping that while I imagine it will be bittersweet the joys will be so fufilling ... finally!
Craig (my husband) is truly a broken man since Adam passed and the ongoing issues with the other children. He works non-stop as his only method of coping and has put on a ton of weight, very sad ... you can see it in his total demeanor. He is sluggish and just a shell of the lighthearted man I used to know. He is very caring and we have achieved a level of understanding and closeness between one another that is good but was brought around by our sadness.
Matt (33) my eldest as said before is planning his wedding this Nov. 12th. He has been dating his fiancee for 4+ years and they are an excellent match for each other. He is an attorney having practiced corporate law, current a bankruptcy law clerk and will begin a professor fellowship at St. John's law school this fall. He and fiancee live in Brooklyn, extremely physically fit and travel the globe extensively.
Kaiti (25) is still more or less the same as when we last left off; although it has been a year since she was released from her last incarceration ... YAY  ... I'll take my noches wherever I can find them. Sometimes we think we see "growth" and then other times steps backwards. Sometimes Kaitlin can be the sweetest girl ever and then other times whatever it is that drives her takes over and she does things that rattle our minds. Hopefully she hasen't fully matured yet (with her disabilities) and that with maturation and time we will continue to see positive growth.
Josh (22) has an extreme personality which leads to excess behaviors. He is funny, generous and a nice kid and then he did drugs which surprised the pants off of Craig & I after everything he witnessed. He drinks too much and can fly off the handle with being hot headed. He has developed a serious gambling problem. We really didn't expect any of this from him - even writing it to you is shocking to me. I sure hope that he pulls his act together. I do have hopes for him that this is not permament issues. Denial? Perhaps, but it is good to have hope. Hope had disappeared from my life for so long.
I am in a better place than before. A combination of time, therapies and medications are keeping me on the straight and narrow. I still go through some really dark times but since the days of my overwhelming suicidal ideations are not as prominent in my thoughts I am slightly better. I am not working for one year now and for the most part I like this. It gives me a reprieve from yet another stressor of having to get up and go to work. I bought a harp and take harp lessons. I am in school going for my higher nursing degree. I knit. I socialize. I visit my Mom in the nursing home and still working on my emotional issues of having placed her there (she had a stroke 2 years ago, incontinent, cannot do anything for herself, cannot even stand). I try to keep myself really busy. Sometimes it works and sometimes I am just so fatigued by life that I vegetate and days can go by and I don't even know that it did. Luckily the "good" emotional days outweigh those days. I can't believe that my Adam is gone, much less coming up on 5 years. I still beg G-d to make it all go away and foolishly hope that it will happen. I look for him in every young man, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Stare at them when I see a body type that resembles his, or hair color, or gait ... I truly imagine that he is out there. Therapy teaches me that this is just my yearning but I really do hope that I will find him.
So my dear sister-in-grief that is a summary of what is going on in the Bruckner family.
With fervent hopes that you are managing,
XO Paula XO
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings