It's been awhile since I've been here. Went through a few months of therapy and doing a bit better than I was, but still have bad days.
Been thinking a lot bot my brother and Ron. My brothers angel date was 7/24 and Ron's is coming up 8/7. I've been feeling down in the dumps and just wanna be alone and sulk. I'm still carry a bit of guilt over my brothers death that I thought I was passed, and I'm doing the same with Ron's.
I keep thinking, "What if?" I just can't help it! I keep asking myself, "Why?" also. Why didn't I go to the hospital when Ron called?, why didn't I go and tell him I love him? Why didn't I have him go to the hospital sooner? Would he still be here? Would we still be together?
I still haven't found a FT job, partly because I really don't care to and partly because there is not a lot out there in my area. I am however working PT a few days a week. It's ok work, some days I enjoy it, others I get annoyed easily. I've been feeling that way quite a bit lately, getting irritated very easily.
I'm missing Ron so much, still. I miss him everyday and just wish I could wake up and find it all to be bad dream
Today is my birthday and I should be happy, but instead the only wish I have I can't have.