Thank you Pam and Terry for both the welcome back and for all of your kind words to me and others here. I wrote to Tom as well.
I visited this site daily for a very long time, as I learned how to live my life without my best friend and true love Mike. Our sudden loss of Mike at age 44 left me and our three kids reeling and in overwhelming grief.
I have been hard at work for three years to try to create, "Something out of nothing", is how it feels to me in this new and scary world. I am glad to say I am feeling more clear minded and less afraid. I miss Mike enormously, and my heart just breaks for our kids at lots of moments, but, they also are getting their stability back. I would say they are happy. College, friends and so on. Some problems too, especially our youngest with some special needs, he struggles.
I wrote this a.m. to wish everyone on here a true moment of peace, I learned to find those moments by thinking of a shared smile between me and Mike. One time I rigged up a bunch of sprinklers at once on the lawn and he thought it was really funny- I remember the exact moment that we laughed with each other. Those thoughts outweigh all the ways I wish I did things differently, or could have etc. I am learning not to go there, just love him and myself in a human way, as imperfect yet loving. It has helped me, and I hope someone else can get something from my note. Keep caring for yourself and putting one foot in front of the other. Sending wishes of strength and comfort to you all. Pam and Terry too!