Author Topic: Lost Dad to Suicide  (Read 8324 times)

Chels817

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Lost Dad to Suicide
« on: June 29, 2011, 11:08:35 AM »
Goodafternoon!

Well i'm going to start by saying I lost my Father to Suicide when I was 8years old.  I am now 23 years old.  this august will be 15 years and for some reason latley I have been feeling more hurt than i did for what seems like so many years ago.  Maybe it's because of the recent midstones i am achieving in my life.  Fortunatly I did have a step-father in my life that did play a very important role in my life as my father.  But it still doesn't take away the pain that i still feel ...ahhhh ...esp. since my mother recently left my step-father...I just have so much different emotions that i have kept in so long and it's so hard to deal with it anymore... i guess it comes down the the simple point...i miss my Dad i miss him a lot i barely knew him due to my age...but i miss him a lot i want him back and there not one thing i can do about it...it's very frustrating....
**Daddy's little girl Always and Forever **2-12-66 left to be my angel 8-17-96**

Terry

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2011, 11:27:19 AM »
Hi Chels,

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through right now and I can certainly understand it. There have been major life changes that have brought your memories to the surface and now you are having to relive so many of them. Your Dad's Angel Date is fast approaching and your step-father, who has been a positive role model for you growing up is also leaving your life or to be more correct, his role may be changing and any change can be very unsettling.

I think you made an excellent observation....you simply miss your Dad and I can understand your frustration of feeling helpless as to ever change the fact that your Dad died. It's heartbreaking losing someone we love so dearly.

Welcome to Webhealing, our online family. I'm glad you found us. And, thank you for sharing your story. When you're comfortable doing so, please come back and tell us more about your Dad and how you are doing.

Sending hugs (((((((((((((((((((Chels))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2011, 11:37:26 AM »
Welcome Chels ~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your father.....I don't think it matters how long it's been - it all hurts.

I lost my brother 2 years ago, he has a son that was 8 years old at the time of his death...I see him struggling a lot, I can't imagine what it must be like.

I, too, have a wonderful step father, we are so lucky, aren't we?  My step father has now stepped in for my nephew, and it's very touching.  I am sorry that your mother is leaving your step father, but perhaps you two will still stay close?

Come back and let us know how you are doing. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Chels817

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2011, 12:36:06 PM »
I just want to say it is soooo comforting to come here and see the stories that people have gone thru and able to tell my story and not be judged .  Suicide is such a looked down upon action that people tend to judge and descriminate until they have been a survivor of it themselves.  i tend to keep his reason of death to myself.  one to avoid the o i'm so sorry's or if you need anything im here and two to avoid the judgments.  i tell people it was an accident and people tend to be content with that answer. i hate the thats just a weak person or i hate when people say that's just the easy way out...they have no idea what one goes thru and thinks before they decide to take that action...including survivors...i think that is what bothers me the most..no answers as to why...yes the note or yes the substance abuse or depression..but why... thats the one question that gets to me the most...why couldn't he of found some positive a little bit of positive in any situation...i will never know and i have come to terms of knowing i will never know why....

On that note, it's nice to know there are other people out there that know the pain and the questions and the grief that we have to go thru and i thank you for being so open minded and accepting. it honestly is such a great feeling to know that i can just say these things and it's ok.  i'm very excited to have found this website.  i have never been apart of a support group , i haev been forced before to be in counsling when i was young but never went more than a few times.  i can already feel that all of you are so accepting.  and to think perfect strangers can give me more satisfaction than people i have known my whole life...so thank you and i am very excited to be a part of your family
**Daddy's little girl Always and Forever **2-12-66 left to be my angel 8-17-96**

browneyedgirl

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2011, 04:36:27 PM »
((((Chels))))))

So glad we could help....we are always here.  Continue to post, it helps! 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2011, 07:24:55 PM »

Chels, I'm so glad that you feel loved and cared for here, because you are!! Though we walk different paths as we all grieve differently, we are all here for the same reason. That is the bond that keeps us close!

As Pam shared with you...Keep posting! It does help!! Coming to this site was a life line for me!

Hugs and Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2011, 03:40:06 PM »
Chels ~ checking in on you.  Hope all is well as can be.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Chels817

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2011, 12:24:29 PM »
Sorry for not being as often as i would like to be, i have been so busy with work. actually it's good tho because it keeps my mind busy. when i don't have things going on it when i tend to dwell on the "what -ifs" 15 years is comming up fast... 8/17. that's my day i like to be alone. it's my day i feel comfortable to dwell, cry, be angry, be sorry etc. My current boyfriend doesn't understand i want to be alone. he would rather try to comfort me. and for somereason i feel comfort in not being comforted by anyone but myself.  and i like to keep it that way. i wish i could make him understand with out him thinking im being rude . or maybe this will be the first year i will try to enjoy that day and embrace that day. i guess time will tell... 15 years.. seems like such a long period of time when you say it... but it still replay's like it just happened...the talk my mom had to give me (which i hope i never have to have that talk with my children if i'm ever fortunate to have any) the funeral. the calling hours..the images are as clear as day... any ways hope all is well with eveyrone! good day! and good weekend!
**Daddy's little girl Always and Forever **2-12-66 left to be my angel 8-17-96**

browneyedgirl

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2011, 12:39:58 PM »
(((chels))))

Thanks for posting. 

With time, perhaps your boyfriend will understand, but unless you're living it, it's sometimes hard to understand.  I went though something simaliar with the man that was in my life at the time of my brother's death.  Do you.....do what makes you feel comfortable. 

Take care.  Come back and let us know how you are doing.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #9 on: August 05, 2011, 08:05:17 PM »

Chels,

I know how difficult these dates can be, regardless of how much time has passed. I understand how it can feel like yesterday.

We'll be remembering Dad here on the 17th and thanks so much for letting us know how you've been doing!

Know you are loved and supported here!

Sending hugs & Love

(((((((((Chels)))))))))

Terry


Chels817

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2011, 05:13:51 AM »
Thanks guys :)
Tomorrrow marks 15 years....can't believe it... biggest thing that im fighting with is how much i don't know about him...i wish i knew more then just what people told me..i have vague memories but not many due to the fact i was so young....just wish i had more to dwell on....
have a good day everyone :) hope all is well!!
**Daddy's little girl Always and Forever **2-12-66 left to be my angel 8-17-96**

browneyedgirl

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2011, 10:55:40 AM »
Thinking of you Chels! 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: Lost Dad to Suicide
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2011, 01:16:39 PM »


   ((((((((Chels))))))))