Author Topic: For DaveB  (Read 4541 times)

Terry

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For DaveB
« on: June 28, 2011, 05:45:16 PM »

Dave,

Thinking of you today as I know this date, the 28th would have been ten years that your wife received her double-lung transplant. Your precious wife's Birthday, last month ((((((Dave)))))) and your wedding anniversary was on June 16th. I would have to say that this is more than anyone should have to face in such a very short amount of time.

You have my heart, Dave.

((((((((((((((((((((((Dave))))))))))))))))))

And, always
My Love,
Terry

DaveB

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2011, 09:17:12 PM »
Thanks for thinking of me Terry.

I've tried to cope with all this by just keeping busy. I work away from home most of the time, and was busy on the 28th and exhausted by the end of the day, so I didn't spend much time thinking about it. But I didn't forget it.

For Judy's birthday (May 26th), her sisters and some nieces and nephews, plus a life-long friend of hers gathered at my place for a little celebration. It was nice to see everybody together, and we had fun. This is something my Judy would have absolutely loved to do. We tried to sing happy birthday to her, but I found that too hard, and most everyone else got choked up too. At the end of the day, everyone wrote a private note to Judy and tied it to a balloon, one of a bunch that one of her sisters brought. Then we all went into the back yard and released the balloons.

I took vacation the week of our anniversary (June 16). I and my son flew to San Diego, and met my sister there (she flew in from elsewhere). We spent the week exploring and having a good time. Judy and I had been there a couple of times. On the anniversary date, we drove north and had dinner at an L.A. area restaurant that Judy and I frequented when we were dating. It was one of our favorites, but we hadn't been there in years. I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea to go to this place on our anniversary, but it turned out to be OK. I have very fond memories of the place, and it hadn't changed much.

So, now I'm "home" for a week or so...although it doesn't really feel like home anymore, not without Judy. I sit around looking at all our stuff, and I feel kind of cheated. I made a huge investment in Judy, and now she's gone. How selfish of me. But, I still go from anger to crushing sadness when I'm sitting around at home alone. Whether sitting around at home, or on the road working...it's all exhausting. I just pray for relief some day.

browneyedgirl

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2011, 10:46:13 AM »
(((DaveB)))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2011, 01:02:19 PM »

Hey Dave,

Thanks so much for letting me know as you're having to deal with those *3* dates, crossed my mind and weighed in on my heart, more than a few times.
The celebration for Judy's birthday sounded really nice, with her sisters, neices, nephews and the balloons and of course, the tears. Judy was and always will be so loved.
I was glad to read, too that your favorite restaurant hadn't changed much and the memories with the both of you there, felt Ok.

I think everything, Dave has a different meaning after our loved ones die. They're missing from every nook and cranny of our hearts and in our physical lives, and that leaves little room for anything else. Know I understand.

I don't think you're selfish at all. But, if you are then I am, too. I feel cheated. And, will forever feel the crushing sadness. The only thing time has done in regards to the pain....is make all of their losses bearable.

Hold on, Dave and know you're with those who understand this pain and this sadness. And, there is nothing wrong with either. They are the price of Love.

Relief will come. At first, in small doses, but it will come!

Big Hug coming   (((((((((((((((((((Dave)))))))))))))))))))

My Love,
Terry

DaveB

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2011, 08:46:28 PM »
Thanks browneyedgirl...

Tonight I'm just sitting around home by myself, had dinner by myself. I haven't done that in several weeks, at least not here at home. I don't like it. I want to be having a lively discussion with her over dinner, instead of looking in silence at her empty place at the table. I thought being away at work would hopefully lessen the feeling of sadness and loneliness, but it didn't really. It just kind of postponed it, I guess. Tonight I'm feeling as bad as I did a month, two months, three months ago...

But, it does help to have people to share this with, people who know what it's all about. So, thanks again.

browneyedgirl

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2011, 01:37:12 PM »
Hi Dave ~ checking in on you.......
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

DaveB

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2011, 11:42:08 PM »
This has been a lonely week. I get fewer and few emails and calls from people, because they're too busy, or they're probably getting back into their routines. To be expected, I guess. But I no longer have a routine. And I don't want to come up with a new one.

I've been very fortunate by being in contact with one of Judy's very best friends, who has known her since high school. I've known this woman for as long as I've known Judy, but have never talked to her all that much. She was Judy's friend, they talked and did things together, but I wasn't usually involved.

Talking to her is almost like talking to Judy, she knew her so well (much longer than I did), and they thought so much alike. We exchange funny stories, and I've learned things about Judy that I didn't even know. Of course, discussing stuff with Judy's friend now has me wanting to ask Judy all kinds of questions. She sure has been a blessing though, plus I've been able to help her with her grief over losing her best friend. But I hear less and less from her too, now.

At home I spend most of my time scanning photos and documents of Judy's, going through her boxes of stuff, jewelry, etc., and writing in my journal. The pictures bring back such good memories, but at the same time make me really sad. It just seems like our life together went by so fast. And all I have left are pictures and memories.

One pleasure I have in life is hiking up in the hills near our home. I've always loved taking hikes, and Judy would have liked to go with me, but was unable most of our life together. Still, it made her happy when I would go. Now when I hike, I talk to her, I point out things to her, just like if she were with me. Maybe she is with me. When I spot deer or quail, I know she would have been thrilled to see that. So I've been up there several times this week.

In a few days I head back to the remote worksite. I always hate leaving home to go there. But I always end up doing OK there, I think because I'm not surrounded by Judy's stuff. I'm just kind of numb down there, almost like my life is on hold while I'm there. Maybe it's a good thing to have a break from my misery at home. So I alternate between the two, and I don't see anything changing in the future.

Terry

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2011, 10:54:25 AM »

This has been a lonely week. I get fewer and few emails and calls from people, because they're too busy, or they're probably getting back into their routines. To be expected, I guess. But I no longer have a routine. And I don't want to come up with a new one.

Time holds a different meaning for others as they are not trying to rebuild their lives after it has been left in shambles. I agree that it is a very lonely feeling. And, maybe it's just too soon to be thinking about adapting a new routine. The life you shared with Judy is still the life you want to live and there really are no alternate beginnings or endings at this point, just the one you were dealt.

I'm glad that you were able to spend time with Judy's dear friend and I also know how sad it is to lose her, in a way.

One pleasure I have in life is hiking up in the hills near our home. I've always loved taking hikes, and Judy would have liked to go with me, but was unable most of our life together. Still, it made her happy when I would go. Now when I hike, I talk to her, I point out things to her, just like if she were with me. Maybe she is with me. When I spot deer or quail, I know she would have been thrilled to see that. So I've been up there several times this week.

Any physical activity is such good therapy. Keep talking to Judy. I know she's listening. She misses you, too.

In a few days I head back to the remote worksite. I always hate leaving home to go there. But I always end up doing OK there, I think because I'm not surrounded by Judy's stuff. I'm just kind of numb down there, almost like my life is on hold while I'm there. Maybe it's a good thing to have a break from my misery at home. So I alternate between the two, and I don't see anything changing in the future.

It's always a good thing when something you're doing makes you feel good or should I say, better. And, as you shared..."OK."

For awhile it may be difficult to see that far down the road. That road where change is welcomed and the desire to embrace it.

Thanks for the update. I've been thinking of you! This site literally saved my life. Just knowing I had somewhere to go where everyone understood my feelings and they were never questioned. No matter where you are or how bad you are feeling, we are only a keystroke away. You're never alone. Know that you are loved and cared for, Dave!

Sending a big hug (((((((((Dave)))))))))

With thoughts of your precious Judy, always.

My Love,
Terry





browneyedgirl

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2011, 04:18:45 PM »
Thanks for the update, Dave....

Thinking of you, lots of hugs and love.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

browneyedgirl

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2011, 11:57:17 AM »
Thinking of you, DaveB and wondering how you are doing.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

DaveB

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2011, 10:43:30 AM »
I'm surviving. I do better at work (I'm distracted), worse when I'm at home or away from work. Lately, in the last few weeks, I've experienced some kind of attitude shift. I no longer go through Judy's stuff, or look at pictures. I stopped writing in my journal. I haven't been answering emails. It's like I've just kind of shut down, put myself on autopilot.

Terry

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #11 on: August 06, 2011, 10:24:03 PM »
I'm surviving. I do better at work (I'm distracted), worse when I'm at home or away from work. Lately, in the last few weeks, I've experienced some kind of attitude shift. I no longer go through Judy's stuff, or look at pictures. I stopped writing in my journal. I haven't been answering emails. It's like I've just kind of shut down, put myself on autopilot.

We do what we need to and you're doing the very best you can.

Sending a big hug & lots of understanding,

((((((((((((Dave))))))))))

Love,
Terry

Terry

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2011, 07:53:21 AM »

Dave, I know you have your Birthday coming up soon and please know that I understand how bittersweet these days are, especially those 'first's' without our loved ones.

I'm holding you close in thought and know that we are all here for you.

(((((((Dave)))))))

Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

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Re: For DaveB
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2011, 09:22:52 AM »
(((Dave))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven