This has been a lonely week. I get fewer and few emails and calls from people, because they're too busy, or they're probably getting back into their routines. To be expected, I guess. But I no longer have a routine. And I don't want to come up with a new one.
I've been very fortunate by being in contact with one of Judy's very best friends, who has known her since high school. I've known this woman for as long as I've known Judy, but have never talked to her all that much. She was Judy's friend, they talked and did things together, but I wasn't usually involved.
Talking to her is almost like talking to Judy, she knew her so well (much longer than I did), and they thought so much alike. We exchange funny stories, and I've learned things about Judy that I didn't even know. Of course, discussing stuff with Judy's friend now has me wanting to ask Judy all kinds of questions. She sure has been a blessing though, plus I've been able to help her with her grief over losing her best friend. But I hear less and less from her too, now.
At home I spend most of my time scanning photos and documents of Judy's, going through her boxes of stuff, jewelry, etc., and writing in my journal. The pictures bring back such good memories, but at the same time make me really sad. It just seems like our life together went by so fast. And all I have left are pictures and memories.
One pleasure I have in life is hiking up in the hills near our home. I've always loved taking hikes, and Judy would have liked to go with me, but was unable most of our life together. Still, it made her happy when I would go. Now when I hike, I talk to her, I point out things to her, just like if she were with me. Maybe she is with me. When I spot deer or quail, I know she would have been thrilled to see that. So I've been up there several times this week.
In a few days I head back to the remote worksite. I always hate leaving home to go there. But I always end up doing OK there, I think because I'm not surrounded by Judy's stuff. I'm just kind of numb down there, almost like my life is on hold while I'm there. Maybe it's a good thing to have a break from my misery at home. So I alternate between the two, and I don't see anything changing in the future.