Hi Dottie!
I was so happy to see that you had posted as you were one of the original people on the board when I first joined after Adam passed almost five years ago and since you haven't posted in a long time I missed you!
I would like to take the time to comment on your 6/19 posting and please understand Dottie and to all who read it this is not with any malicious intent; my intent is to help to claify and soothe some feelings that have been ruffled.
I think that your posting was meant to come to the defense of Don and that some of your comments could un/intentially inflame some of the issues that are already arisen due to some different perspectives of a few words that Don chose in his post.
I think that you are so right when you say that we are all grieving parents, that we all have broken hearts, that we should all be as supportive as possible.
However this is where some of my feelings & thoughts differ from yours.
Addiction can cause some people (like my son Adam) to behave outside the limits of our laws and perform criminal activities; even get arrested and be incarcerated like he was. So there is no getting around it, my son due to his addiction & his actions, became a criminal. Once involved in the criminal justice system, someone performing a job like Rebecca does, was assigned to his case. One of my greatest hopes and desires would be is that the criminal justice system and the people that work within it are all trained with sensitivity and see the people as people; not as the criminal addict, the criminal rapist etc. We have a convicted rapist in our family. He is someone's son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin ... he spent his time behind bars for 8 years, 4 years of probation, forevermore lost a lot of the freedoms that we as the non-convicted enjoy. I love him, not what he did many years ago. So I cannot in my heart agree that any/all/or only certain criminals are unworthy of my love, friendship, empathy or their life is devalued compared to anothers'.
I can truly say that I never felt "Why my child" not someone else's so you would lose your bet with me Dottie. My heart and personal beliefs are such that I would never want anyone else to suffer what I have had to endure in my lifetime. I know from lots of reading on grief & dying, posts, etc. that it is not uncommon for people to think that or even say that but for me personally it is an unfathomable, distasteful thought.
We as human beings are social creatures and do not live alone. We live in socieities that have rules. Even our grief board is a small community that does have rules, hence Tom and Terry oversee the board and try to help realign the board when it teeters off the boundaries. Don said what he did, Wendy responded to some of his words and I did too. Perhaps there were more people that expressed it in private messages or emails, I truly do not know as I am not priivy to them.
I believe that Don loves his Tiger Donny with all his heart and soul. I believe that Don is a grieving, heartbroken father the moment his son passed. I do feel badly that Don feels as he does (wanting to leave the board). However, you do take a risk when you vent personal feelings and say things that affect others. I do not think it was Don's intent to cause controversy, however his choice of words I felt were not appropriate for the board. Even the explanation fell short for me. I am a RN and in my career I have seen all walks of life, probably like Rebecca and Don had/have seen in their chosen professions. I don't draw a line professionally or personally on my feelings. I attempt to not be judge or jury on anyone for it is my heartfelt belief that we as human beings with our frailities are limited creatures and I leave it up to G-d.
Dottie-I feel that your posting while supportive of Don was taking a jab at the board when you say that years ago .... it was comforting, people seemed to care....too bad that all changed. I think that this is still the intent of the board and that Tom's vision and Terry's guidance has not altered from it's original vision.
I believe that the postings by Wendy and myself were not malicious, it was a differing of opinion and it was explained simply without malintent. I believe that in the past we did see some petty, malicious postings however Dena and Tom caught it quickly, posted their feelings on it and at times even felt the need to remove some purposely hurtful postings or postings that were perceived to be deliberately inflammatory.
I like the fact that Tom and our moderator Terry monitor the board and try to as sensitively as possible "put out the fires" so to speak in a reasonable, sensitive fashion.
It is nice to read that you are willing and desiring of Don to email you privately and you open your heart and time to him to listen. People on this board can develop relationships with others that extend beyone the board however that does not mean when it doesn't that people are uncaring and not willing to be an active listening particpant. I say that because I have concerns that perhaps the newbies to the board will be concerned about these dialogues and wonder if the board is the right "fit" for them or that there are cliques on the board. You wrote that the board saved your life 6 years ago. I agree that almost 5 years ago when I joined it was very good for me too. I will never forget the words that Danielle's Dad John wrote to me when I entered my very 1st post. He said: "Paula welcome to a club that you never willingly would have joined. You have been drafted into this journey". With those words I felt that oh my gosh there is a place where people understand as I could see the pain and anguish on my "civilian family and friends" who were at a loss on how to comfort me. I hope that the comfort I felt and continue to feel will always be there for all on the board.
Dottie-your Tammie is never fogotten by me and once again I would like to tell you that I so appreciate all the hard work that you have done to introduce better laws to protect all of our children.
Peace & Blessings,
Paula