Author Topic: So Sorry For Offending Some  (Read 8349 times)

Donnys Dad

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So Sorry For Offending Some
« on: June 17, 2011, 09:57:15 AM »
I have been contacted by Terry in reference to the statement I made to Rebecca questioning why the bad live forever and the good kids die so young.

I NEVER EVER was refering to kids with addictions.  How could I? my Mom was an alcoholic all her life.  I too am a recovering alcoholic for the past 24 years.  My Grand So is presently in State mandated re-hab for drug addiction and of course I want him to live a long life.  Addiction, Alcoholism Cancer are all diseases that people don't ask to have, I know that quite well.

My Donny was with some scum friends the night before he killed himself.  He was depressed and these lovely human beings talked him into doing a couple lines of coke.  That morning he shot himself in the head.....  Whether you like it or not I would love to be able to avenge his death, but he did it no one forced him.

I am sure all of you watch the news at night.  Do you not see the rapists, murderers, parents that kill their own children, the sick o's who abduct women rape and then kill them?  These are the people I was refering to.
When I was in Vietnam I saw so many good kids killed why the ones with records were not allowed in the service.  Sorry I guess I must of gotten hard over the years.

I am sorry for any I offended.  I have decided that it is time for me to leave the board.  I am an extremely honest person, honest to a fault my friends tell me.  Well that is ME.  I will express my feelings but never with intent to hurt anyone else.    I* have read things on here that bother me also but still appreciate the persons right to speak their peace.

I will miss the board as for the past 7 years it has helped to keep me going.  I also have gained a lot of friends who are no longer on the board but we keep in contact by e-mail.

I wish you all the best on this hard, hards journey

The time has come to say Good-bye, thank you for all your help and now I will not be able to offend anyone.

Don
I Miss You So Much Buddy, My Best Friend, My Tiger

Don, Donny's Proud Dad


Terry

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2011, 11:42:30 AM »
Dear Don,

As I relayed to you last night, this misunderstanding has been dealt with. I was hoping we would all move on to why we are here in the first place. I know you, Don. I've had that honor over the years and I know, as others do that you would never hurt another human being, especially someone in pain. I think I made that very clear in both of my messages to you. I sure wish you would have responded to them so we could have talked about it in length and this is where the lack of communication can cause a rift on the board ending up in hard feelings, which is so unfortunate.

Although we are all mature adults, we are adults in an enormous amount of pain. Feelings are right on the surface and like I explained to you, 'you' were not being questioned, your message was. Some saw nothing wrong in what you shared and also shared that with me by messaging me. You also have every right to feel the way you do, just as the posters reading the message had a right to share that they saw it as something other than what you intended. And, when members are upset, out of concern for their feelings I will always address it. Now, 'you' are upset and my heart is heavy. I wish I could remember how many times, by my sharing that I have offended another but I've lost track because I don't take it personally. I understand that it is the pain talking. Usually, I will receive an apology but it is not necessary.

We've both been on this board long enough to know that this happens and quite often around Angel Dates or really, any date marking our children's memory. Please try to keep that in mind, Don and it may help you to better understand where the others are coming from. Pain speaks loudly. Also, and I feel you should know this without my mentioning the sources that after my post on the board addressing this, as I was asked to....the same members were immediately concerned for you and wanted to make sure that 'your' feelings were not hurt badly and asked me to relay that to you. But, again I never heard back from you.

Feelings will get hurt and we will heal from that, always, but losing a valued member of this board over hurt feelings and/or a disagreement, causes me to have a heavy heart because it sends a message that we can no longer voice our concerns out of fear that someone we care for deeply, will leave the board. I also know/understand that this, too is not your intention.

I Love you, Friend and your precious Donny,
Terry


Motherof3

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2011, 12:42:22 PM »
Don,
 I also had seen your post yesterday and for me speaking for myself I saw nothing wrong with your post. While others may have taken it differently and been upset...I thought that was the whole purpose of this board. To be able to speak freely and discuss the responds whatever they may be. I don't know you personally and haven't had the pleasure of a conversation with you(which is my fault..i don't post too much)but I have read the many posts from you. You are always 1 of the first to welcome a new member and always respond to a post. There will always be things posted that will be misunderstood but we are all adults to deal with it in such a manner.I have found over the years of being on the internet that it is so easy to misunderstand a statement made.... you can't see the face or the emotion at the time it is made. It is often taken the wrong way from having that inability of a person in front of you or even a voice. I personally would love for you to reconsider and stay with us. I also would like to extend a chance to be able to chat with you knowing that we both lost our children the same way.
  Gale
  If tears could build stairway and memories a lane. I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring You home again. Rachel will always be in My Heart. Sleep with the angels baby girl!

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2011, 12:44:53 PM »
Dear Don,
I responded to you when I read your post. I am supersensitive to anyone who lands up in the criminal justice system because I have had two of my own in and some extended family members too. Like you I was in a "helping" profession and saw it all. Part of my healing process is that I no longer am judgemental towards others now firmly believing in a higher power who will be the final judge. I am just trying to muddle through this difficult life of ours. I too at various times have felt uncomfortable with the board and have come and gone. Lately I have been back. I hope that when you feel it is appropriate for you, you too will return to the board.
Peace and blessings to you and yours,
Paula
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

nancy/Patricks mom

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2011, 04:16:13 PM »
Don, please dont go off the board i havent been on for a while because for some reason i could not log in . I lost my son to drugs and your comment in no way offended me I understood what you were talking about  you probally got your feelings hurt but just take it with a grain of salt I am sorry that your comment was missread by some i have been on another site dealing with grief after substance passing  because my child did die of drug use it is called Grasp if anyone is interested .Please reconsider Don you have been here to long to leave like this we all would miss your comments and seeing your son so PLEASE STAY.
NANCY/JOHNATHAN PATRICKS MOM/3-31-87 - 12-08-07

AC Mom

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2011, 06:57:51 AM »
Donnys Dad,

I was not the least bit offended by what you said.  AC was killed in a accident, and he was not drinking alchohol or taking drugs when he had the accident.  Had that accident happened a few years earlier, It would have had alchohol and/or drugs involved.

None of us raise a child to be a addict or a murderer or etc.  But, sometimes it just happens.  And when that drug addict, murderer or etc dies a young death, the parents feel the pain of losing a child.

AC was in the criminal system as a teenager and that continued into adult hood. He was a convicted felon.  The last few years of his life, I watched him make a turn around and turn into the person I had raised him to be.  I was one of the lucky ones that saw him make a difference in life.

Stay away as long as you have too, but please join us again when you are ready.


WendyRN

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2011, 11:54:24 AM »
I also am honest to a fault and so, yes Don, I was offended by your remark.  Making comment on your thread was meant to be mildly reproachful.  I felt that your words were ill-chosen (and could be construed as insensitive) but NEVER MEANT TO BE HURTFUL IN ANY WAY.  Had I been in your company, I would have gently nudged you in the shoulder and whispered, "Careful what you say."

I always attempt to choose both what and how I contribute here carefully but am sure that there have been times that my words have caused upset to someone, somehow.  Drawn to my attention, I would surely have apologized and made note.  Perhaps that is all that was required here.  An "I'm very sorry if I offended, what I meant was........." 
Don, you have been a part of this forum for several years.  As you say, it has given you much comfort.  Although I feel a certain sense of responsibility for reacting to your comment, only you can decide what is best for you.  But I would ask you to reconsider, bereaved parent to bereaved parent.  You are both needed and respected on this site.  You share of yourself and your loss and the small steps forward you have made on this journey and this is of great comfort to those much earlier on in their grief.  As important, is the comfort you receive from being part of this family of parents.  There was no lambasting here.  No shouting.  Just a small reminder that sensitive ears are listening.  No more, no less.

Wendy, Keith's mom

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2011, 09:41:14 PM »
Don, please stay. We have all at one time or another said something that was NOT meant to hurt someone, just speaking freely. I don't come here often but I always know it's here to come to when I can. You have been here as long as I have and I feel I know you and Donny personally. You never meant to hurt anyone, you wouldn't do that.
Love to you and Bonnie
Brenda

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2011, 02:22:06 PM »
Sadly this is what happens the people who care are forced off the board by those who only think of themselves, we all hurt, we all grieve, we all should be able to say how we are feeling.
Don, I am available privately you have my email I private messaged you.


Dottie Tammie's Mom


Tom

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2011, 06:38:09 PM »
Sadly this is what happens the people who care are forced off the board by those who only think of themselves, we all hurt, we all grieve, we all should be able to say how we are feeling.
Don, I am available privately you have my email I private messaged you.


Dottie Tammie's Mom



Coming in and making passive accusations is not helpful in the least.  Who are you accusing here Dottie? 
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WendyRN

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2011, 09:07:06 PM »
Ouch, Dottie.  Certainly not what I was expecting.  I am in agreement, as I have already stated, that Don has been a very valuable member here and I know that he has taken great comfort in both participating and receiving warmth and encouragement when needed.  I have read and re-read my comment to Don and stand by both my opinion and my right share it.  I don't see it as being a harsh criticism, just a reminder that our children are loved and missed beyond belief.  All of our children. 

Nobody forced Don from this board.

In trying to make sense of this, I have read at different times, of how careful we must all be in choosing our words so as not to make our hurting hearts worse.  I have done my best to abide by that.  I was suggesting that Don's comment was perhaps crossing the line for some.

I am very dissapointed by this turn of events but I will say that this board, for all the wonderful responses I have received to my pleas for help and understanding and my opportunities to feel that I have made even a very small difference at any time........well, lately I guess this site is somewhere I come almost out of habit.  Many of the threads are related to our children's birthdays or angel dates (and I am always so glad that my child too is remembered).  It has changed since I started coming here for comfort.  I suppose its cyclic.  Anyway, I don't care for the reference of "selfish".

Thank you to all who have been there for me when I have needed all the support and love I have always found here.  I guess its now time for me to move on.

Wendy, Keith's mom

blindsided

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2011, 06:59:22 AM »
(((DON)))

I am so very sorry that this has happened to you and especially with Donny's angel date and right before Father's Day. No time is a good time but around these dates certainly exacerbates things.  I went back to read and reread and here is the statement

"Rebecca:  I know you are close behind me on this.  May I ask how many times, in your line of work, do you wonder why they took your boy and left some of your clients behind?  I know I sure do.

Again, thanks to all of you

Don"

I have to say I am at a loss on this being offensive... I know that my son died in an auto accident and I have to say I do ask "where the hell was my miracle" when I hear people talking of the "miracle" they received.  I am like you and I do ask regularly how the heck bad people stay here and the ones who are trying so hard to  turn their lives around are taken or those who abuse and mutilate children continue to bear children while others struggle to have children ... it is just many questions I have for my God. 

It is posted here that we can come and say what we have to say, vent, etc., it is suppose to be a safe place...I've questioned that for quite some time... so if someone was offended was it what Don had to say that was directed to ONE person or is it actually something more the offended is projecting onto someone else?? Just more questions in this big world we all can come up with.

I don't know what was said to you privately but having been on that "private" end of things in the past, I can only imagine how things could have been twisted. 

Don, you know how to get in touch with some of us and we are here for you... you are not alone... we care about you deeply and have been on this journey with you since it began for you.

Take care my friend,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever

Tom

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2011, 07:33:16 AM »
Sadly this is what happens the people who care are forced off the board by those who only think of themselves, we all hurt, we all grieve, we all should be able to say how we are feeling.
Don, I am available privately you have my email I private messaged you.


Dottie Tammie's Mom



Coming in and making passive accusations is not helpful in the least.  Who are you accusing here Dottie? 

This sort of passive accusation is what is now being termed "relational violence."  It has no place on a board such as this and won't be tolerated. 

Misunderstandings are common place on these forums with each person being at a heightened state due to the nature of their loss.  This is understandable and hopefully we get people talking and all is understood and forgiven in the long run.  Don has been a great poster on the board for some time and I surely hope he decides to stick around.

Tom
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Katie--Adam's Mom

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2011, 10:10:41 AM »
Jeanne,

Always in my thoughts and heart...you and your wonderful Philip!

I also understand what you are saying.  I think many do.

Much love,
Katie

Don,

My husband and I are also here for you.  If you need our email or phone number, please let me know.

Much love,
Katie

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2011, 04:12:54 PM »
WOW Tom,

BIG HURTFUL words from one who doesn't want any turmoil. I looked it up to see what I was being accused of.

You Tom, are way out of line.

Am I not entitled to an opinion ???? Or only some???


Dottie Tammie's Mom