Author Topic: Feeling sad and blue  (Read 2565 times)

Sad and Lonely

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Feeling sad and blue
« on: May 28, 2011, 10:32:56 AM »
Hi all, I was just listening to the radio, the oldies chanel and they played angel eys and it reminded me of my beautiful wife's eyes. She had the bigest most beautiful brown eyes you have ever seen and it made me think I will never get to look into her beautiful eyes again. It has been 115 days since she passed away and I seem to miss her more and more as each day goes by. I don't know what to do anymore, life seems so pointless without her. I have been going to grief share and talking with other people and it seems to help while I am there but as soon as I leave the group the grief starts to set in and I start to cry. I try to be with other people but it doesent feel right without my wonderful wife. I have myself surrounded with her pictures all over the house, I have one on the mirror in the car and I carry a small urn with a picture of her in my pocket. I just can't stand to not be able to see her or not have her near me, where ever I go. I loved her so much, we were so good for each other and now she is gone. What can I do to stop this grief that I am feeling so deep.

Sad and Lonely
Sad and lonely

mousewife

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Re: Feeling sad and blue
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2011, 08:45:59 PM »
I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly.  It is good that you feel better when you are with other people.  Do you find that having many pictures of your wife surrounding you helps, or do you think it could be making you feel worse?  I ask only because I had several pictures of my husband displayed at one point; most were already displayed before he died, but I did add a couple.  I decided this was not such a good thing for me, as every time I saw one, it made me cry. Since there were so many around me there were many opportunities to cry.  It hasn't been very long for you, but, one option is to try some individual grief counseling in addition to the Grief Share.  It might help you if you feel that the grief is just too consuming.  I'm sorry it is so hard.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

Sad and Lonely

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Re: Feeling sad and blue
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2011, 01:24:12 PM »
Hi Mousewife,

Thanks so much for your compassion and my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. I do find that it does truley help me to have her pictures all over, where I can see them, they don't make me cry, but the constant memory of how she suffered so much before she died, is what makes me cry. I only have pictures of her displayed of times when she was doing better. She was sick with cancer for a long long time and she was a fighter and she never complained about her illness. The last two years of her life were a nightmare, she constantly had to overcome one problem after another. No one should have to have endured all the things that she had to go through. I know that it is better, that she passed away, at least now all her pain and suffering is over and I am sure she is in heaven with God. I don't ever want to forget her I loved her to much to do that, all I would like is to find a way for me to stop the hurt that I feel for her. My wife and I were very close, we did everything together, we so enjoyed each others company. We talked everyday and we never ever took our love for each other for granted. We were married for 42 wonderful years and we never tired of each other. I know I should be gratful for the time we had together and I am but to lose someone you love so much, well it is just hard, to let go. It will be four months on the 2nd of June since she died and I know that four months is not a long time but to me it feels like an eternity. I have to say that I do not cry as much these last coule of weeks as I did in the second and third month but it is still very difficult. I go to church every Sunday and I find that helps some, and I do get some respite from the pain when I am at Grief Share. They say that time heals all wounds, it just takes more time for some then others.

Thanks again Mousewife, I find it even helps, to have this lifeline at webhealing to let my emotins and frustrations out.
Hugs and thanks to you,

sad and lonely
Sad and lonely

johnkmurray

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Re: Feeling sad and blue
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2011, 06:48:43 AM »
Sad and Lonely - Time. That's what I've found helps. Give yourself time. My house is filled with pictures of my wife. This helps me remember the many good times we had, the joyful memories of the years we had together and makes her loss sting maybe a little less. I even have some photos of things we did together during her illness because even in the midst of all that pain and suffering there were precious memories - The self-portrait she took of herself in the car mirror while taking a photo of the Arizona countryside, photos of her on our last trip together to Las Vegas, pics of her at a formal dinner we attended only a couple of months before she died. These are all precious to me and even though you can see the disease slowly claiming her there is a joy in her eyes as she spends that time with family and friends. To lose those photos would be to lose those good memories. Some of those pics were very painful to see at first, but with time they becoming as precious to me as our wedding photos. Yes, time heals the wounds ... slowly ... but it does.

John

Sad and Lonely

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Re: Feeling sad and blue
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2011, 05:10:10 PM »
Hi John-- It sounds like our grief is quite similar. I am sorry your wife had to get this horible disease "Cancer" If I had one wish or miracle to be granted to me it would be that no one would ever get Cancer again. It sounds to me that you and your wife shared a great love as my wife and I did. Some people think that having pictures all over the house just prolongs the agony but to me I feel, it realy helps me cope with her death. they may be right, but for me having the pictures all around feels best. Another item I keep close to me is the last Christmas card she gave me before she died and the words are just beautiful, she wrote "Just for you Joy, that what was on the cover and inside she wrote My Darling John, Another Christmas! There has been a lot. Each one special when we are all together. I love you and I know how good you have been to me all these years. No one could have done better. Merry Christmas Love always Char." The card was home made while she was in Hospice, on her death bed. I love that woman so much, we where married for 42 years and they were wonderful years, we made each other so happy. We where still so much in love, even after all that time, which now feels like it went by in 42 seconds, not years. I hope you are right that time heals, because right now it feels like it never will. We did everything together, we went horse back riding, went to country jams, we traveled all over Canada and The United States in our motorhome. We had a wonderful life together, even though she had to fight that terible Cancer for all those years. Now I feel so alone and I, like our home just feels so empty.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, it does help some, to talk with people who are going through the same things you are. I hope all of our grief will pass soon. I don't want to forget her, ever, I just want the hurt to stop.

Sad and Lonely
Sad and lonely