Author Topic: Sad and Lonely  (Read 3284 times)

Sad and Lonely

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Sad and Lonely
« on: May 09, 2011, 05:26:25 PM »
Hi all, I am new to this site and I am looking for a place to vent my fustrations and maybe get some help.
I lost my wife in February of this year and I am having a very hard time being without her. She was my childhood sweetheart my best friend and the love of my life for 42 years. My beautiful wife died of cancer, a battle she fought for 25 years. When she was first told she had cancer they told her she only had a 30% chance of living another five years, but my wife proved them wrong and fought like hell with a positive attitude and a strong will to live. The last two years of her battle were just awful, she suffered so much but keept on fighting. No one should ever have to suffer like she did, she was so brave and so courages. I can't get out of my mind, all the suffering she had to go through. I cry all the time, I don't seem to have any interest in life. Everywhere I go I think of her, I hear a song on the radio I think of he. We had a wonderful marrage we got along so well we loved being  together and doing things together and now she is gone. I am going to try and join in on a support group tomorrow night to see if that will help. I always have a lump in my throat and such a empty feeling inside and am so full of grief and I can't sleep at night. I just feel so alone.

Sad and lonely
Sad and lonely

arthur

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2011, 06:48:49 PM »
Sad & Lonely...I dont know if I am the one to say the right words to you because just about everything you said about yourself I am experienceing today.I lost my wife on 041411, and today has been a bad day for me. Whether you realize it or not you really are not alone in your grief. I am so sorry your wife had to battle cancer for so long. The only consoling words I have for you is that she, like my dear wife Maureen , is not suffering anymore.  MY wife died of a major heart attack but she battled her disability of spinal muscular atrophy her whole life.  My wife was a ferocious fighter just as your was, and she gave 200% to whatever she did. I am humbled by my wife's life, and I am so glad she doesn't have to suffer anymore in her wheelchair. Please introduce yourself and your wife more in the introduction thread Sad & Lonely. And please cry as much as you have to. Going to join a grief group is a great idea, and I am in the process of joining one myself. Please take care of Yourself Sad & Lonely, and please remember you are not alone. -Arthur

DaveB

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2011, 12:37:09 AM »
Don't know if it's much help, but I'm going through almost the same thing. I lost my beautiful wife of 26 years last December. She developed a serious lung condition just 3 years after we were married, and 9 1/2 years ago she underwent a double-lung transplant. She actually did fairly well for about 8 years, then developed chronic rejection and finally passed away in December. When she had the transplant, they told her she had a 50% chance of surviving for 5 years. It took a lot of courage for her to make that decision, it still amazes me. I sometimes feel like I didn't do enough to help her, though. I feel so sorry that I couldn't do anything for her at the last...she fought so hard for so many years, then I just helplessly watched her slip away. I don't think I'll ever get over that.

I tried seeing a counselor, but I found it didn't really help me. What has helped me the most, is that I connected with a lifelong friend of hers , who my wife and I kept in contact with all these years. I've been exchanging email with her, and she's really been a great help. We exchange stories about my wife, send each other old letters she wrote, some pictures...she's helped me more than she knows.

Even so, most days I just go through without much interest. I try to stay busy at work, but the evenings are still sad and empty.

Sad and Lonely

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2011, 07:10:19 AM »
Thank you to Arthur and Dave B,
I am not sure how to reply to your coments, I am very sorry for your loss and I can understand and feel the pain that you two are going through.

My wife pased away on Feb. 2nd 2011, after a long battle with cancer since 1986. I love her so much that it is so hard to go on without her. All my friends say that I had the perfect wife and I feel the same. She was so good to me, we did everything together and in 42 years of a beautiful marrage we never ever quarled. I don't seem to want to be with other people, I just want her back but I know that is never going to happen. I cry all the time because I miss her so much. My beautiful wife was so brave, she handeled her disease so well, she never complained, she was such a inspiration to all who knew her. She was always thinking of others and how she could help them, even in her last days she was knitting little teddy bears to send to the poor people in Hati after the Tsunami. She was always so kind and gentel she tried to make her passing easy for me by not complaing of all the pain she was in. She was such a wonderful woman and I find it so hard to live without her. I miss her so much I feel so alone. Is there anyone who can help me get over my grief. I wish I could be as strong and courages as my wonderful wife was.
Today is a very dreary, wet and cold day and it is making me even more depressed.......................Sad and Lonely
....
Sad and lonely

Terry

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2011, 06:27:15 PM »
Sad and Lonely,

Welcome to our Webhealing family. I am so deeply sorry for your great loss. The emptiness, loneliness, confusion and just an all in all uncertainty about what direction our lives will take after such a great loss is to be expected and please know that you are not alone and will never be while on your journey. We will be here for you.

Try to take care of yourself the best you can as grief does zap/drain our resources, and they are little after such a loss. One day and most of the time, it's one hour at a time.

Know we care here, very much.

((((((((((((((((((((Sad and Lonely))))))))))))))))))

Love,
Terry

Sad and Lonely

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2011, 04:34:07 PM »
Hy Terry,

Thanks for your suport and welcome. I found this site online as I was searching for help with my grief. I went to a support group on Tuesday evening and they put on a vidio about the loss of a spouse. I enjoyed it very much as it was about man who had lost his wife to cancer and was on his way back to making a new life for himself. His grief that he went through was a lot like mine, at first he did not want to go on without her and he could not stop thinking about her and how he missed her. Now she has been gone for a couple of years and has found someone new. The ironic part of this vidieo as that his wife's name was the same as my wife's name and I was wondering if going to this group and seeing this videio was a sign from my wife telling me that it is possible and I need to move on with my life.
The bad part of that theory is that I don't want to find someone else. I loved my wife so much that I would feel so guilty to even think of another woman. My beautiful wife was so good to me and loved me so much as I did her  that she has spoiled me to ever find another partner. I miss her so much, I woke up at 4:AM and cried for two hours. I just can't get out of my mind she suffered so much this last year of her life. I try to remember the good times we had and there were many but my mind keeps going back to all the tragic events that went on this past year and all the terible things she had to endure and all I could do was watch her die. It is so hard to see the wonderful woman she was deteariate befor my eyes. I better stop writing now as all the setbacks are just too horable to talk about.

Sad and Lonely
Sad and lonely

johnkmurray

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2011, 07:11:48 AM »
Sad and Lonely - For what it is worth, you're not alone. A year ago I was in much the same place. The numbness, the darkness, the crushing grief as you try to pick up the remaining pieces of your life while at the same time wondering "why bother". It wasn't supposed to be like this. Two years ago my wife, Kit, was diagnosed with abdominal cancer. Stage 4. Already spread to the lymph nodes and lungs. For a year I stood by, helpless, as the disease slowly took her from me. Just before she died we took one last trip together; a trip to Vegas and the Grand Canyon that she'd always wanted us to do together. The following week I sat by her side and held her hand as she died. It felt like two lives ended that day.

I don't remember all of the past year. I spent much of it on auto-pilot, going through the motions of living. I puttered about this big house that is so filled with memories of Kit, yet so empty at the same time. I spent too much time alone, just me and a glass of scotch. Thanks to family, good friends, and the good folks here at webhealing I managed to survive without completely losing my mind. I've had good days and bad days. The good news is that slowly the good days will start to outnumber the others. Sometime in the last few weeks I realized that the world was still out there, that people went about their daily lives, and that maybe, just maybe I could start living life again.

I guess what all of this is meant to say is that you're not alone, the next few months (days, years, ?) are going to be tough but they will slowly get better, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel ... and it is NOT an oncoming train. 

Sincerely,
John

Sad and Lonely

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2011, 04:36:44 PM »
Thanks John,

It is hard to imagine how difficult it was for you to lose your wife and still mannage to carry on. you must be a very brave person. My wife was very brave and courages, I wish I had her courage and strength. I thought I was prepared for my wife's death and I thought it would be OK for her to die because she was in so much pain and she was having so much difficulty breathing, I hated to see her suffer. I was wrong, I wasn't ready at all, I know she is better off dead but I still miss her so much. We were married for 42 years and if there was ever a perfect marrage, ours was it. We did everything together and we loved being with each other. We were best friends as well as husband and wife. She was only 62 years young and she only looked like she was about 32 years old. I hope that you are right and things will get better as time goes on.
I thank you again for taking the time to help me through this most difficult time.

Sad and Lonely
Sad and lonely

Sad and Lonely

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Re: Sad and Lonely
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2011, 03:45:16 PM »
Hi all, I am so sad and lonely today. I am missing my wife so much, I just wish I COULD HOLD HER and give her a big hug and tell her how much I love her. I feel so empty inside these days, I am missing being US, I don't like being just me. I don't want to be with anybody and I know it is no good just staying home and being alone, I feel I just want to die and be with her. I miss her reading her book, I miss watching TV with her, I miss the sound of her knitting needles clicking away, I miss being with her, Life is just no fun anymore. I don't know how to get out of this slump. My wonderful wife was my best friend, my companion and my solemate, she was so easy to talk too and she always made me so happy and now that is all gone. What can I do, to get some meaning back in my life. I have been going to Grief Share and that seems to help a bit. I keep praying to God for help but I don't hear any answers, I feel so alone.

Sad and Lonely
Sad and lonely