Hi Browneyedgirl...Thanks for your concern. I often wanted to say how grateful I am to you, Terry,JohnK, and the entire website for allowing me to come on and vent all the terrible things that I feel as a result of my wife's death.
You guys are saints for what you do.
I am going to a therapist currently and she is concerned that I am emotionally depressed. I guess I am not taking care of myself enough. SHe wants to give me a behaviorial drug to help with the depression. I don't want to do this, and my family doesn't want me to either. I told her that sometimes I feel like I am dying inside,and while I am not suicidal, she said that unless I quit spending time by myself on weekends, she will continue to recommend the drug. She said that it will help me sleep a full night, which I cannot do consistently even with the sleeping pills I am still taking. She wants me to make sure I spend time with my family on weekends, & I agreed to do this, as I have been spending the last month on the weekends by myself. I am still going to grief groups and they are a big help. I can't seem to get to one very consistently though because of my work hours. and schedule, but I am still trying.
Time sure seems to drag since Maureen died, and the weekends and days away from work all seem like an eternity
when I am by myself. I finally packed away the little wedding "shrine" my wife kept of our wedding in our living room.
I wrapped the wedding candle, pictures and other momentos in newspaper & packed them away as they were too painful to look at anymore. Is this progress? I dont know. I still go to her grave every weekend and change the flowers,
and it seems to help some, even though it is still painful but I have mixed feeling about this too.
Again, thanks for all the help -
Arthur