Author Topic: Maureen  (Read 16685 times)

Tinabeth

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2011, 07:15:57 AM »
((Hugs))
Jay "Jaybo" Buford 1.28.1963 - 2.17.2011
My love - my best friend - my life - for 29 years.

johnkmurray

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #16 on: June 15, 2011, 07:24:02 AM »
Lew and Arthur,

It is too easy for us to dwell on the unfulfilled dreams, the things left undone, or the moments when we were less than perfect husbands. I know only too well. Please try also to remember the moments of joy, the special times, and the good memories.

John

Terry

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #17 on: June 16, 2011, 11:37:40 PM »
(((((((Arthur)))))))

I know how hard it is when we are stopped in our tracks by those memories. Finding old pictures, letters, ticket stubs, well just about anything....please know I understand. You have my heart, Arthur.

Pain and love go hand in hand. Go heart in heart. It seems we cannot have one without the other. And, grief is a long process. Working through it all is so unique for each one of us. Please be ever so patient with yourself and know that anything you're feeling is ok.

Holding you close.

Love,
Terry

Terry

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2011, 11:45:39 PM »

John...I always enjoy reading your posts! Has it been a year already? So hard to believe.

Nice post, by the way to Arthur on May 2nd. You are a very compassionate soul and your heart lays open for all to see. Awesome!

(((((((((((((John))))))))))))

johnkmurray

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #19 on: June 25, 2011, 10:10:30 PM »
Thanks Terry for the kind comments. Yes, almost a year since I my bereavement counselor recommended WebHealing to me and over a year since losing Kit.

John

browneyedgirl

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #20 on: June 27, 2011, 09:11:22 AM »
((((John)))))

(((Arthur))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

arthur

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #21 on: July 02, 2011, 10:43:16 PM »
Thanks for the support Terry, browneyedgirl, & johnkmurray.   Its always good to know I can express myself in this forum at a time when so much hope has vanished my life.  I've recently returned from vacation with some of my family to a popular tourist destination.  It felt good to getaway from work and get out of the house where all of Maureen's stuff is still at. However I had to suppress my grief in the prescene of my family while we were in public much of the time. The last time I was at our vacation place was with Maureen and some of the memories were still fresh.  ALthough I managed to go off by myself away from my family and public scrutiny some of the time I found myself looking foward to getting back home when I could let the tears flow freely. So I am home, alone, surrounded by Maurreens things again, staring at the walls and crying whenever I need to. The ironic thing is now I wish I was back on vacation traveling with my famly again.   God I hope Maureen is happy where she is at. I miss her so much. I don't know if I'll ever feel as if my house is a home ever again without her.

browneyedgirl

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #22 on: July 08, 2011, 01:39:09 PM »
Arthur ~ thanks for sharing.  We are always here to listen. 

I, too, hope Maureen, along with with my brother are happy......I often wonder.  Everyone always says "they're in a better place"....sometimes I get sick of hearing that. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

arthur

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #23 on: July 18, 2011, 09:18:50 PM »
I know that my sweet honey is being taken care of and that she has to suffer her disability no more. Thus when people say things like God will look after her and the words sound trite for the time, and place and tone they are said, I know in secret that the words are anything but trite, they are the truth,despite the circumstances the words are said in.  Its the words themselves, not the speaker, that is important, becasue of the truth they contain.

God I miss my honey so much, so very much. I still have trouble believeing she is gone and is not coming back.
Thanks everyone for being so kind to me in these posts.

Terry

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #24 on: July 19, 2011, 10:33:04 AM »


((((((Arthur))))))

browneyedgirl

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2011, 11:47:03 AM »
Arthur ~ how are you?  Please update us if you like.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

arthur

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #26 on: August 03, 2011, 11:12:34 PM »
Hi Browneyedgirl...Thanks for your concern.  I often wanted to say how grateful I am to you, Terry,JohnK, and the entire website for allowing me to come on and vent all the terrible things that I feel as a result of my wife's death.
You guys are saints for what you do.

I am going to a therapist  currently and she is concerned that I am emotionally depressed. I guess I am not taking care of myself enough. SHe wants to give me a behaviorial drug to help with the depression. I don't want to do this, and my family doesn't want me to either. I told her that sometimes I feel like I am dying inside,and while I am not suicidal, she said that unless I quit spending time by myself on weekends, she will continue to recommend the drug. She said that it will help me sleep a full night, which I cannot do consistently even with the sleeping pills I am still taking. She wants me to make sure I spend time with my family on weekends, & I agreed to do this, as I have been spending the last month on the weekends by myself.   I am still going to grief groups and they are a big help. I can't seem to get to one very consistently though because of my work hours. and schedule, but I am still trying. 
Time sure seems to drag since Maureen died, and the weekends and days away from work all seem like an eternity
when I am by myself. I finally packed away the little wedding "shrine" my wife kept of our wedding in our living room.
I wrapped the wedding candle, pictures and other momentos in newspaper & packed them away as they were too painful to look at anymore. Is this progress? I dont know. I still go to her grave every weekend and change the flowers,
and it seems to help some, even though it is still painful but I have mixed feeling about this too.
Again, thanks for all the help -
Arthur



 

browneyedgirl

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #27 on: August 04, 2011, 08:46:23 AM »
Hi Arthur ~ Thanks for posting.

If you don't want to take the pills, don't do it.  You know your body and mind better than anyone......They tried to give my mother pills after my brother died, and she didn't want them, and they ended up making her feel worse, granted that was her, but I am just saying......

Progress?  Maybe, but if it hurt to look at it, then you did the right thing.  I am glad to hear that you're making it to the grief groups, and if alone time is what you need, then I think that's okay, just not too much :)

Sending you love and light.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

arthur

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #28 on: August 12, 2011, 09:43:46 PM »
I just had to post about the day I had today.  I had prayed about whether to take the anti depression meds my doctor gave me and my heart was set against it..until today.  I was sitting at my desk working and thinking of Maureen and I had I guess what could be called a grief attack.  I just started feeling so awful that I felt as if my mind was falling apart. It felt like I was about to die. After struggling to control the emotions and working I was so drained for the rest of the day that I kept making dumb mistakes in my work.  It truly was one of the worst days I've had since Maureen's death. I thought about the intensity of the grief and how sudden it happened, and I thought, well there's my answer to my prayer. So I am on the depresssion pills much to my chagrin.  I just hope I'm doing the right thing.  I've never been on these meds in my life.  I usually go to the gym or go for a quick walk to deal with bad grief days, but today was one of the worst times I've had with my grief, and I can't ignore it any longer, especially since they seem to be getting worse.  I sincerely hope that the next hell day is far off for me.

Terry

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Re: Maureen
« Reply #29 on: August 13, 2011, 11:59:03 AM »

I'm sorry, Arthur. Grief attacks or grief bursts/panic attacks as I also call them can come out of nowhere and while just thinking of them and they can be very frightening. Maybe give the meds a chance if that's what your doctor suggested. Time will prove if they are the right choice but they 'do' take time to get into your system. How much time? That varies with the individual.

Know you are loved and cared for here.

Sending a hug ((((((((Arthur)))))))

Love,
Terry