Author Topic: so Mad!  (Read 5448 times)

justthegirlfriend

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 32
    • View Profile
so Mad!
« on: April 23, 2011, 01:17:09 AM »
It's been a while since I've posted.  I', just in a mood tonight.  MAD -  Robert. why did you leave me?  God, why did you take him from me?

Tinabeth

  • nospam
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:8
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2011, 06:46:21 PM »
justthegirlfriend,

I've had those very thoughts myself several times about my husband dying.  I've gotten very mad at him and God for leaving me in this situation.  I even stopped on the side of the road where he had his vehicle accident one evening and screamed at him and God for like 20 minutes.  I know folks driving by thought I was insane, but I just really didn't care.  It did help me doing that.  I was totally exhausted afterward and cried all the way home, but I did sleep that night.

It's been nine weeks since my husband died and I've been mad at him several times.  I think it's all part of the terrible journey we are having to make.  I hope you can find some peace.  Hugs.  Tinabeth
Jay "Jaybo" Buford 1.28.1963 - 2.17.2011
My love - my best friend - my life - for 29 years.

MyLou

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 763
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2011, 04:49:03 AM »
Paula,

I am so sorry for your loss of Robert.  I know how you feel.  Friday was 5 months since I loss my fiance' Lou.   

It's still raw to me too.  I think we are going to get mad and ask why for a long time to come. 

Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending hugs and love

((((((((((((((((Paula))))))))))))))))))

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

johnkmurray

  • nospam
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 295
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2011, 08:12:41 AM »
God and I haven't been on very good terms since he took my wife. If he took me today and I stood in before him for judgement he'd have some explaining to do himself. I'm that mad.

Mad at Kit? No, not really. She didn't ask for cancer. Could different lifestyle choices have made a difference? Possibly, but I can't bring myself to work up much anger over that. Mad at her for leaving me? Nope, she fought the disease all the way, until she couldn't fight anymore and asked me if it was ok for her to let go.

Mad at the situation I'm now in - alone, lonely, filled with a grief that aches both mentally and physically? Damn right!

flamingofred

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 125
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2011, 06:00:51 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss.

I too have lost my husband.  My soul mate that I waited for. 

He died of cancer.

I found that I couldn't get angry at him cause I know that he didn't want to leave me.  He told me before he died that it wasn't suppose to be this way.  I also can't get angry at God cause he wants his children with him and now my late husband is with him and apparently I still have a reason to be here before I join them.

I in a weird way am relieved to know that my late husband is with the lord, no more pain even though I miss him like crazy.

Flamingo Fred

justthegirlfriend

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 32
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2011, 08:36:54 PM »
I guess the anger was just a phase, maybe even just a brief amount of time.  I'm not usually mad about it, not really mad at Robert of God - just had a moment.  The sadness will never go away though,  I don't think.

justthegirlfriend

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 32
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2011, 09:41:34 PM »
After posting that, I was reading some other posts.  One comment really caught my attention.  Terry, you said, "Our family and friends alike, miss us and want us back the way we used to be."  How do we let them know that we'll never be "the way we used to be"?  I feel like a totally different person from who I was nine months ago.  I can't exactly describe how different I am, but I know, no matter how hard I try, I'm not and never will be the same.

flamingofred

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 125
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2011, 09:26:09 PM »
I find that i have never been mad at losing my husband.  He is in gods presence now and that is awesome, i am just sad that i am not with him.

Flamingo fred

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2011, 02:30:21 PM »
After posting that, I was reading some other posts.  One comment really caught my attention.  Terry, you said, "Our family and friends alike, miss us and want us back the way we used to be."  How do we let them know that we'll never be "the way we used to be"?  I feel like a totally different person from who I was nine months ago.  I can't exactly describe how different I am, but I know, no matter how hard I try, I'm not and never will be the same.

I don't know if everyone truly accepts the fact that we are changed when we lose someone we love so much and try that they may, and they 'do' try, I feel so many of them, especially close friends and family continue to be disappointed.

I have tried much harder since losing my surviving son, especially with my sister but she still doesn't 'get-it.' There are times when she'll bring something up in conversation, seemingly very innocent to her but is tearing my heart out of my chest, or it feels and I just can't continue the conversation. She's gotten a little better after eight and a half years but the most important thing to me is...she is really trying to accept who I am now. For that I am blessed.

We lose a part of ourselves for a time when someone dies. Little by little we pick up tidbits here and there that resemble who we used to be. Those moments are to be cherished!

My Love,
Terry

browneyedgirl

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2320
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2011, 02:29:14 PM »
Justthefirlfriend ~ wonder how you are doing?
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

justthegirlfriend

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 32
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2011, 04:54:04 AM »
Thank you for asking browneyedgirl.  I think I'm doing better most of the time.  I checked in this morning because reading posts helps so much.  This is going to be a tough month for me, I'm already feeling it.  Aug. 10th would have been Robert's 41st birthday and the 26th will be the one year mark.  That also happens to be my youngest son's birthday.  I'm trying to stay focused on the more positive things happening this month, but I catch my mind drifting back to every detail of everything that happened a year ago.  I keep telling myself, "You're going to be ok.  Let the tears flow for a few minutes, then pick yourself back up and move forward."  Knowing that people here understand is so helpful.  Thanks again.

Paula

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5951
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: so Mad!
« Reply #11 on: August 06, 2011, 08:25:15 AM »

Paula,

Thinking of you and I understand how these dates bring all of the memories to the surface and can be so very painful.

Know that we are here for you. Keep writing!!! It helps, so much! We're remembering your precious Ron with you.

Sending you hugs & lots of love,

(((((((((((((((Paula))))))))))))

Terry